Terry Real: The Five Traps that Undermine Your Love & One Simple Solution

Is society setting you up to fail in your marriage? World-renowned relationship therapist Terry Real sees a toxic culture of individualism troubling society at every level. We are told to strive for personal productivity and perfection, ignoring the fact that we exist in a web of crucial relationships. In this episode, Terry describes research showing that the mind exists in a social context, and that couples in fact co-regulate each other’s nervous systems. Getting this right is very tricky, though, if you grew up without enough emotional support. The survival strategies that got you through childhood may, in fact, “torch your personal relationships”. Andrew and Terry discuss the five most common traps that can undermine your relationship: 🚩 Needing to be right 🚩 Controlling your partner 🚩 Unbridled self-expression 🚩 Retaliation 🚩 Shutting down We can overcome these, however, by tapping into our wiser, more collaborative self. If we can find the “us” rather than the “I”, we can achieve the warmer, more intimate relationships many of us long for.  If You’re Looking for More…. You can subscribe to The Meaningful Life (via Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts) and hear a bonus mini-episode every week. Or you can join our Supporters Club on Patreon to also access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests  and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.  This week supporters will hear: ⭐️Three things Terry Real knows to be true. ⭐️AND subscribers also access all of our previous bonus content - a rich trove of insight on love, life and meaning created by Andrew and his interviewees. Follow Up Attend Andrew’s mens’s retreat near Berlin in June 2026: details here Get Andrew’s free guide to difficult conversations with your partner: How to Tell Your Partner Difficult Things  Take a look at Andrew’s new online relationship course: My Best Relationship Tools   Read Andrew’s new Substack newsletter The Meaningful Life, and join the community there.  Buy Terry Real’s book Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship  Take a look at Terry Real’s other books, including The New Rules of Marriage and How Can I Get Through to You? Visit Terry Real’s website https://terryreal.com  Follow Terry Real on Facebook and YouTube @TerryRealRLI  Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50. Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall