"That Never Happened": How Out-Of-Control Emotions Warps Memory

This episode talks about how mood, especially dysregulated emotions, affect memory. It explains why people with emotional issues may have such a different perspective and memory for things that happened in the past. If you're close to someone with big emotions, you've probably gotten into an argument with them about something you remember...very differently than they do. You bring up something that happened and they'll say "that never happened!", leaving you to question your whole reality. In this episode, Dr. Kibby delves into why the "that never happened" argument happens so often. What if your loved one is genuinely remembering a fight differently- and that difference isn’t about manipulation, but about how your brain reconstructs trauma and emotion? This episode dives deep into the science of how mood, trauma, and dysregulation distort memory, often making "truth" feel entirely relative.Dr. Kibby discusses why borderline personality disorder, trauma, or anxiety see the world and their memories through a skewed lens, and how this impacts trust, communication, and conflict resolution. She describes frameworks like mood-congruent bias and affect-as-information, which explain how emotions activate specific memory networks, creating a battlefield of conflicting recollections.This episode also breaks down practical strategies for coming to a resolution when someone has a very different version of events. Learn how to respond when someone insists "that didn’t happen," or accuses you of things you don’t remember without gaslighting or invalidating their experience. You’ll hear about the dangers of false memories, how negative content is more memorable, and why gaslighting often involves wielding power over someone’s very sense of reality.If you've ever wondered whether their reality is "crazy" or if you're losing your mind, this episode will give you the understanding and tactics you need to foster compassion, clarity, and peaceful communication.Resources:KulaMind for support with loved ones with emotional issuesJoshi, G., Rathore, T., & Verma, K. (2025). Emotion-induced memory distortions: Insights from deese-roediger-mcdermott and misinformation paradigms—A comprehensive review. Health Sciences Review, 14, 100216.