The Adult in the Room

A caller named Bill once shared on our caregiver program that his father was an abusive alcoholic for years. His father has now suffered a stroke and requires extensive care—but sadly still drinks. Even though Bill is over fifty with a wife and kids, he shared that he still feels like a terrified nine-year-old when he's around his father.  Bill's dad made his own decisions—ones that evidently did not involve a recovery plan. I shared with Bill that he can only do his best, but his family needs the fifty-year-old version of BILL—not the nine-year-old one. Bill's well-being remains paramount to his family. To be blunt, while desirable, his father's well-being does not. Although it sounds harsh, the reality is Bill's dad may not make it, but Bill must. I commended Bill for ensuring his father's safety and care despite the trauma the man caused. But I also cautioned Bill on the importance of securing his own care and well-being by attending a recovery program for family members of alcoholics and even counseling. Honoring your mother and father does not mean honoring alcoholism, addiction, or even abuse. It's ironic how we can still get hurt by something we've seen coming. —Anonymous