The Bad News Network 5.29.2026: Stay Out of Caves, OnlyFans Leaks, and Quantum AI

Nick tackles one of the biggest questions facing education: is AI making kids smarter or slowly turning their brains into mashed potatoes? As teachers and parents push back against screens and artificial intelligence in classrooms, BNN explores why struggle, reading, and actual learning might still matter in an age where ChatGPT can write your homework, your book report, and probably your breakup text. Austin covers a bizarre breakthrough where scientists connected AI to a quantum computer and accidentally made it smarter, while Nick once again begs humanity to stop crawling into caves after yet another rescue operation in Laos. Thom reports on a massive alleged OnlyFans data breach that has millions of users nervously checking their inboxes and praying their browsing habits remain private. Elsewhere in the episode: Joe Biden sues the DOJ over classified document interview recordings Los Angeles schools begin banning screens and YouTube for younger students BP fires its chairman under mysterious circumstances JD Vance announces hundreds of fraud-related prosecutions Private equity continues turning youth sports into a financial blood sport A BNN Bone to Pick targets the people who insist that every rainstorm is "exactly what we needed" In Your Mom's Favorite Minute: Humanoid robots begin replacing warehouse workers Ozempic and newer GLP-1 drugs fuel a plastic surgery boom Ferrari's $640,000 electric car gets roasted by enthusiasts A look back at twenty years of climate predictions The Golden Gate Bridge celebrates its anniversary while California catches a few strays And finally, South Carolina unexpectedly rejects a partisan redistricting push, proving that political integrity may not be completely extinct, while Florida Man takes a back seat to RFK Jr., who spends his week grabbing giant black snakes with his bare hands like he's auditioning for a reboot of Crocodile Dundee. Welcome to BNN, where the news is bad, the opinions are questionable, and apparently nobody has learned a damn thing from Jurassic Park or cave documentaries.