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You also get a chance to receive a Tim Hortons scholarship award. Ready for what's next? Apply today at careers.tinghorns.ca Big news, everybody. Elsemate, Big Daddy, Jay Skakes has got New Merch and it's global.
Hey, Canada, remember how you were like, man, I can't get T-shirts and boards. You can't now. Hey, Australia, all good, hey, remember you were like, mate, what kind of, I get a skateboard. You can.
Thejsonlstockarm, New Merch, I'll rate out, did this stuff. I buy stuff off this guy and then he made this design for me. It's sick. It's a cowboy wolf.
And then I got me doing a horse, me on a skateboard. Signed by me, Big Daddy, Jay Skakes. You can get it all now. Canada, Australia, America, all good, hey, thejsonlstockarm, get him now.
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Jay Sonal Sh... Oh, it's important. Yeah, 2.0. I'm going, man, I'm struggling.
First of all, I'm tired. Jet lag, and puffy, and I'm having an existential crisis. I don't even know what that is. Existential.
I don't want to say it correctly because if you don't know what it means, that's how you should say it. Because I don't really know what that means. I just feel like it's like, I have a mental disability. I'm like, what is it?
I don't know. That's the thing. I am starting to understand now that people say things about people and then people copy and then the next thing you know, a bunch of people are saying things that they suffer from that they don't suffer from. And I think it started from gluten.
Thank you. Sorry, my co-host is... He is also a little... Rubblebee needs a...
Rubblebee! He needs an intro song. Sorry, dude. It's an early show, so I didn't think he wanted to be a part of it.
Usually, this is your nap time. I'm coming up. I'm walking in, come on then. I know.
I started the show early because... Zach was like, I'm ready right now. I was like, well, I'm ready right now. I'm like, well, let's get it out of the way, because it's kind of like ripping the band-aid off today.
Because... Mixed emotions, ladies and gentlemen. Mixed... Mixed emotions.
Part of me is proud of me. And part of me is absolutely disgusted in me. You know? I just...
It was like, you're gonna do it. You know? 10 grand. That's this thing where it's like...
You know, okay, so let me... Those of you who don't understand what's going on, which is fair, um... There's this thing at Tim Pool's skate park. A little too pool.
You're racist in a Russian spy. I don't care. They talk about politics so much. I don't...
I don't... Even if I wanted to care, I couldn't. I just don't care. I was in a car with them all, and they were all talking about it.
I don't... At one point, somebody said, if... We haven't seen... Someone was like, we've seen more of space than we have the ocean.
And someone was like, if that's the case, like, we know we eat sushi, we've never had space sushi. And I was like, right. I just like boobs. And donuts.
And I'm gonna keep it there. You know? I thought there was a time there, I used to hang out with... I'm not gonna say it in the name.
Well, you know, Dax Shepard. He's a nice guy. But he is a Libtad. The first time president.
And I think he won. And everyone was like, oh no, like no no no. Like, Jason, how do you feel? I was like, I dunno.
And I was like, what do you mean you don't know? And I was like, I don't know. I'm sorry, but I don't really know what's happening. And I...
I should... I know this is gonna sound bad. I don't care. You know?
Especially after this weekend. You know, I could have died this weekend. Like, seriously. This vert wall thing that no one's ever done.
And I'm starting to understand why. Um, it's like seven foot of earth into this transition. But the way they've made it is... The line to make it.
This is the other thing that I've realised. Really rumble bean? Just that much of an appearance and then you're out of here? I got it.
Unbelievable dude. Get out. Unbelievable. It's fucking hell in the place.
I wanna get out. I wanna breakfast. I don't know. Unbelievable.
Like, having kids again. It's like having a retarded child. Three of them. It's like, I'm done with children.
But no, wait, let me get three... I shouldn't... Okay, now that's gonna sound bad. Three special needs children.
Okay. There you go. Because I think when it comes to this one, I should use the correct terminology. I have three special needs children.
Actually four. I have a dog that can't... I don't think she can smell... I think she's lost her to smell.
She can't see. I don't think she can hear too good. And recently yesterday I threw some french fries at her. And she couldn't smell them.
Because usually she'll smell where the food isn't. Get it? But she just went straight past the french fry and I was like, Oh no. She's basically...
Dop this! It's presenting me! Oh, that's it! That's food horror!
I can not live! I can not die! Those of you that don't know that. You should probably google Metallica's one.
Because if you don't know that song, you should know that song so that you can progress in life and understand that there was actually great music before the poopy car car of today's music. Yeah, that's right. That's what I'm saying. Jelly roll these nuts.
I don't care. Lick everybody's butt if you want to. Oh my god, I'm your biggest fan. I'm not.
I don't care. Also, I don't even know the guy. I got a lot of tattoos. I'm in movies.
Very approachable. I'm a rapper. I'm a country guy. My post Malone.
Seems like a nice guy. I was music. I don't care. I don't like it.
Metallica's way better than Post Malone. Way better. Way better. But the image, it's cool.
I got a lot of tattoos. I mean, it's good rap. Yeah, that's cool. You're basic.
You're basic. You know? And that's where it's like, when it's a chess match with basics. Where I'm like, I'm over here.
And you go, is it? And then I'm like, bam! And then you're dead. And now I'm the king of the castle.
That's why bold people are stronger. If we fight, it's going to get in your eyes. They're going to see the next blow. Gob is like Jason, you need no hair in front of your eyes because war is coming for you.
You need to be ready to defend the people that you care about. And that's what we need to do. We need to defend the people that we care about. And having hair in front of your face.
You're a bitch, mate. Oh, you're bringing up the virtual? Oh, it does look pretty bad from there. You know me.
Oh, really bad. But the thing I, the thing you can't see is, when you get to, if you do make the job in and you get to the bottom, the ramp immediately comes, the deck comes in. So there's a line that's about a foot wide. Where you'll go down and as soon as you get to the bottom, you have to turn in towards the wall.
Or you'll go off the side of the cotopi. And then there's another ledge in front of that where, you know, because I was looking at it, I was trying to understand like where I'm going to go. And I'm like, dude, if you go off the side there, then you're going to, there's just like a two foot deck that's off the side. So you would run into that.
So your legs would potentially land right in front of that. And then you would probably like break both your legs. So there was like a lot of obstacles. And there were people that were still skating and there's nothing big enough to warm up and understand like to get your legs ready.
So basically I was just like jumping up and down, trying to warm up. And I jumped down it. Like maybe five times. Without my board to try to like get a feel of the transition.
And I could not go down the, like the, I think it's, it goes past vert because every time I drop down, I just fell to the bottom. And I was like, wait, if I'm, if I'm, if I'm falling out towards the bottom, that means when I actually drop in, I'm just going to fall out towards the bottom, which means I'm just going to land at the bottom. And I'm like, man, that's like, it's nine foot transition and seven foot on top of that. Like do the math, but it's, you know, it's like, what is that?
Fifteen. I don't know what nine times, 11 feet of vert on a five foot transition. Wait, that's what it says. Really?
It's not doable. It's not a human thing. Oh, somebody could do it. I did.
I did. I'm telling you, I'm in skateboarding. There's people that's the other thing. Like, you know, I was telling my girlfriend last night, she was, I'm really lucky, but she was, she didn't share with me how worried she was before I went.
But she said when I called her and said, I can't do it. That she was super happy and super proud of me. She was like, I really don't want you to do it. And it's like, if you make it, you get 10 grand.
And I'm like, you know, those of you that know the show, it's not that bad over here, right? Like I can eat, but I have been, you know, financially, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm making enough money to pay my rent and eat. And that's it. You know, like I just, I pay, I have these credit card debt things that I have to pay every month.
Wait, I'm not crying about it. I'm just telling you what it is. It's okay. You know, like I have a pool in my backyard.
It's not, I'm not that, you know, honestly, I probably would live in an apartment if I didn't have all these pets, but I had all the pets when I had the money. And now I'm not going to, basically I make it every month. I just make it every month. Sometimes I don't, but I usually make it every month because the option of like putting my animals down or giving them away, it's not, it's not even me.
I can't do it. I would rather, you know, like, I'd rather go bankrupt, basically, then then then be like, hey, does anybody want my dogs? I thought about it. I think at one point I was actually going to do it.
And then I was like, I can't do it. And some of them are annoying, but they're my family. But, you know, recently comedy's been doing better. Very lucky the Patreon's still doing well.
Patreon.com slash Elisimade if anybody wants to sign up. Four shows a week there. You know, Black Rifle sponsors me. That's a huge help.
And then being on the boonies is also a bit of a help as well. You know, it's not like some life changing thing, but definitely. I think it's more the boonies sponsoring me and me seeing myself as kind of a professional skateboarder. It has given me like this thing where I'm like, I'm skating.
And this has been like three weeks. It's so crazy how fast I move, especially for being this old. So I've been skating for like three weeks, right? I've skated maybe, I think seven times in three weeks.
You're talking to a guy that usually skates one time every two months. So seven times in three weeks, you know, I recently, the last time I skated Verkie was like, has anyone seen Alice? And I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, I don't know who you are, dude.
Like, I don't know who this guy is, but it's pretty cool. And I was like, thanks, man. And I'm like, I'm getting it back. But if I am to compare what the best I've done recently at Tony's Verramp to how I used to skate, I would be so depressed the way I skate now.
I'm so bad. So I'm just nowhere near as good as I used to be. And that kind of, you don't skate all the time and you're 53. But I got it in my head where if I skate, it's just a straight line.
It's not that hard. And then when I got there, you know, I had to judge a game of skate. And the whole time I'm judging the game of skate, the virtual is right there. And I'm just looking at it the whole time.
I'm having an out of body experience the whole time. I'm like, I'm up there. I'm up there. And I'm like, what?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it sounds good. I'm up there. And then I'm looking at it from the bottom and I'm like, you can do it. I get on my pads on.
They move stuff out of the way. People are still skating. And I go up there to like, because I'm like, I can't warm up. I can't, there's nothing here that is higher than three feet.
So it's like, it's almost a curse to try to skate a quarter pipe. Because I don't want my legs to think that that's what's about to happen. Because it's not similar. So I go up there and I get up there and I look down and I go, because now I kind of have more of an eye on what it takes to make skateboard tricks, because I've been skating a lot.
And I'm looking at it and I'm like, man, it doesn't, it doesn't look makeable. And then, you know, this has happened to me before. It's weird. I was watching somebody was like, do you have any videos?
There's a documentary that's coming out about me. Oh, I hope it's nice. But they were like, do you have any footage from the Tony Hawk tour? And I looked on YouTube and I was like, yeah, it's all on YouTube.
And I clicked on one and it was me jumping out of a 20 foot rafter into this little quarter pipe. With no pads on, no helmet. And I was like, oh my God. And I remember that day, like a little bit of it.
And you know, the interviews like Chris Markovich is a very famous legendary skateboard. He goes, pretty much the nalleous thing I've ever seen anyone doing a skateboard is Jason Ellis jumping 24 into like a five foot quarter pipe. He's like, do the math. Like, how does that even make any sense?
And I tried it maybe eight times until I landed it and the board snapped in half while I was on it. So I kind of made it and I kind of didn't. But I definitely went for it, which is kind of the whole point like, but it was crazy. Then Bucky and Tony got mad and I can't believe you tried to do that.
And I'm like, this is these guys and they're prime. And I was like, yeah, man, like that's me. You know, I go for it. And I remember when I was up on that rafter that I'd already been a professional skateboarder.
I had my day, you know, I'd gone through some stuff and drugs and alcohol became a big, you know, mean to run from the pain of everything that became a thing. And I at one point, this is after I was in Australia and I got addicted to the H word. And I was hanging out with sex workers and doing that drug and getting ready to die. You know, at one point, I OD'd that was probably the one of the first rock bottoms.
And that was where I was like, okay, I'll never do that again. And then I got a call back on back to America to do some stuff for ESPN. Next thing you know, I'm on Tony Hawk's gigantic skate park tour. They want to be in a talk.
I took it upon myself to skate and then there was a street demo, which I'm not a good street skater, but I found a raft of a jump off because I was like, that'll be entertaining mixing. You know, I'm doing stuff where people, my peers are like, that's the naliest thing I've ever seen anyone do. You know, and I think that it inspired a lot of people after I started doing that stuff, some other people started doing some stuff similar to me. And I'm happy for that.
I'm happy people. Like, you rip me off. I'm like, did just have it, you know, like if I was a part of inspiration that you took it even further or did the same thing and it entertained people, that's the bigger picture, you know, like I've been in this jealous form before in my life and it's overrated. So, but I remember being on that rafter and looking down and going, I don't actually think it's possible to make that, but this is, you're on a Tony Hawk tour.
This is on television. It was on television, it was on ESPN. You thought you were done. At one point, you were basically dead in a park unconscious after you'd just been robbed and you just woke up freezing cold and walked off.
Nobody, I would have just been found in the park stiff in the morning, but something happened where my body woke up after taking so many things that I was completely unconscious and dragged somewhere left for dead. Now here I am on a 24th rafter jumping into this coderpipe where nobody in skateboarding would even contemplate doing that. And I am nowhere near at my, in my athletic prime. Is athletic or what?
No. Athletic prime. You can learn. But I remember standing on that on that rafter, the metal beam and going, this is, this is a, this is a time where you can be something.
You can, you can do something like really what I think not, not registering later on that there was a video on television where people, legendary skateboarders, Chris Markovich, Bucky Lassick and Tony Hawk saying what Jason did today was incredible. And that's all I wanted, you know, all I wanted was the respect from my peers. And the saddest thing about it is because I don't think I'm worth, I don't think I'm anything, you know, it's like, if I don't try this, I'm nothing. And when you're nothing, you can risk it all because there's nothing to risk.
It's hard to talk about because it's, I'm, I remember, you know, I mean, like at the time, it was like, yeah, man, don't be a pussy. And it's like, it's not about being courageous here. You have no respect for your, your, your existence. You don't care if you live or die.
And I know that sometimes, you know, like if you're a soldier, here's another thing, man. If you're a soldier and people like disrespecting the troops, like fuck yourself. The amount of videos and movies and things that I've seen where it's true stories that people legs blown off and getting shot like 10 times, people that go back after they're being shot like, you don't, none of us understand. You know, we're just soft and also there's nothing wrong with being soft if you were raised soft.
That's just what you are, you know, like, can you flip it? Yeah, is it going to be difficult? Oh, yeah. You know, like there's no way that every soldier that's ever been in war was just born hard, you know, they got conditioned.
And that's the other thing, like bouncing back from it, you know, which is this thing for me where it's like at one point I was prepared to die, to earn the respect of my peers and maybe have somebody on the street go, man, Alice, you jumped off that thing, dude, that was solid. Like, I remember thinking, if you do this, you'll be famous, you know, in your little, in your little skateboard bubble, it will put you on the map and justifying it on that beam going, if I make this, people will love me. And it's like, dude, people already love you. The people that can't love you, but you don't know that because you are stuck in this lonely bubble of trying to impress people at any cost, any cost.
And I remember watching that accidentally watching that the day before I got on a plane to Washington to do that, dropping. And I remember going, man, that guy, that's still in here, you know, you can pull him out when you need to. And this weekend, you're going to need to pull him out. And I knew my girlfriend was worried.
I didn't tell my kids, but I did post a photo of it, which was a very stupid thing to do, that I'm going to do this today. Then my son texted me about it and was like, dad, please don't do it. Part of me was like, you don't know who you're talking to. And the other part was like, you are loved.
People care about you. You care about you, you know? Remember, Jason, all the work you put in on yourself, all the apologies you've made, all the life changes you've made, you're a good man. You don't need to do this, you know, in the financial situation.
10 Gs, man. 10 Gs when you're like, uh, it's not that bad, but it's not that great, you know, like, you know, windshield has been broke for like two years. And it is, it's getting fixed, but I didn't, I didn't want to get it fixed because I didn't have the money to fix it. So 10 Gs is like, it's a vacation.
I was like, I haven't been on vacation since I got let go by series. That's not true. We're going to take me to Mexico. But that's like your friend paid for you.
It's embarrassing. I love her. That's embarrassing for me. Like, I don't have any money.
And my friend is like, you're so stressed from overworking. Let me just take you. I can, like, I'm getting, I've got connections. We can, I can get you there.
And I was like, okay, bless her heart. But it was painful because I was constantly reminded that I'm not paying for this. I like to pay my own way. Anyway, the money, and I told my girlfriend, I was like, I'll get some shoes.
We'll get a new mattress for the bed. And we'll go to Costa Rica, look in the videos on TikTok. I'll go over and over again, I'll be like, waterfalls. And I'm like, it's happening.
I'm going. I'm going to do this thing. And then the other thing, I'm going to drop in down this thing. And it's going to, I'm going to post it.
Everyone's going to post it. Skate news. Jason makes the drop in. And everybody like, whoa, you're, you're me.
Alice, man, that is gnarly. All my peers will be like, dude, that is gnarly. And I'll be like, yeah, I told you. I still got it, you know.
And when I started jumping down this thing and exploding at the bottom without trying to drop it and just jumping. And I think by the fifth one, when I just hit the bottom and was like, ah, okay, that hurt. That this isn't even, I haven't even tried to make it. And that hurt.
How's that possible? This thing just throw, it just sends you out. You can't land in it. And I'm like, the last guy that tried to broke his femur.
I'm like, I'm starting to understand why. So the knowledge, common sense, value of life, because I really started to think, I was like, if you go for it, like I'm really adding it up. And I was like, there's a 20% chance you'll make it, maybe 25% chance. And if you don't make it, you're definitely going to hospital.
You could hit your head. You could die, you know? You could die. You could break your back.
Like this thing is, it's just built in a way where, you know, at my age, it's kind of disrespectful to me and the people that I care about to do it. And I just added it up and I had this war inside my head. Because I was like, you're not going to go for it? I'm like, you pussy.
And I'm like, that's the devil, dude. Don't listen to him anymore. Like, yeah, I know the angry dark side of Jason that like pushes things and makes things happen. And then you get respect of what respect?
You know? Like if I do it or I don't do it, it's Tony Hawk's doing my friend. Yeah. If I do it or I don't do it or people on social media love me or hate me, it doesn't matter.
They don't really know who you are anyway. You don't know them. You know, you do it and you make it. Your kid's like, dad.
You know, like you're trying to kill yourself. You know, what does the message send? It's like trying to be this punk rock guy. I just had so many thoughts spinning around in my head.
And the biggest one was my ego. My ego made me so sad. You know, and usually, because I've been here before, there's things I've done in skateboarding where I was like, you know what? I can't make it.
I'm too scared. And that's kind of what I'm trying to admit. I'm scared. I'm scared of dying.
You know, I just got here. I'm finally happy with nothing. And things can still jump on you and start to convince you otherwise. You know, I am still sober and very content with that.
We're like ego and money, you know, like all 10 grand. Oh, vacation. Oh, it's not a shiny thing, but it is a shiny thing. Oh, you know what I mean?
Uh, seven days, no work, no people and virgin Pina coladas and, you know, sleeping in heaven states of my girlfriend and beach, water front, stand up paddleboard. I don't know, kayaking. I don't even want kayaking. It's gay.
Snorkeling. There you go. All these things, shiny things, promised if you commit to it. I'm like, commit to it.
But the battle I had in my head, you know, what it takes? Cause I was going to do it, man. I was going to do it. I was going to put my life on the line for 10 Gs.
That's this thing that will net now my more convinced and ever it will never leave me. It's always there. It's like your addiction. Man, people say like you got to work on your sobriety because your addiction is in the gym lifting every day, waiting for your week moment.
You know, that's why some of us fold and go back. And that was a day. That was when I, the last time I dropped in and I realized I wasn't going to try and make it, I was so depressed and so dark. I took my pads off.
I put them in my bag and I walked straight out of the skate park and I was going to walk back to the hotel. The hotel was probably, I would say like two hours walk, at least. Also, I don't know where it is. I'm in the middle of nowhere.
I couldn't talk. I shut off. And there's a gate and I was texting people saying, Hey, can someone open the gate? And I didn't realize that there was a little gap where you could walk through.
And that's when my son called me. He was like, I don't want you to do it. I just saw the photo because I'm still having these waves of go back and do it with no pads on that way. You're forced to not bail at all.
Like that it's the devil to me. A voice in my head where it's like, just drop that bag right there. Walk back in, go up, drop in, done. If there's people on the deck smashing to him, get that money.
You know, it's like we talk ourselves into these things that we think are so important. And to the point where it blinds us of what really matters, you know, like I have a girlfriend at home that is doing everything she can to not tell me how scared she is that I'm going to try and do this, you know, people that know me that have seen it, I show people and people just be like, Wow, man. Yeah. And I didn't realize because I was so caught up in it that what they were really trying to, you know, in skateboarding, you can't say, dude, don't do that.
You can't say that. That's going to. So you can only say, yeah, man, that's crazy. You know, but I don't think anybody that really cares about me wanted me to do that.
And I think I kind of can see it now because now that I haven't done it, everyone's like, man, I'm just glad you're okay. Those are the people that really care. Those are the people that really matter. That is what really matters in life, you know, doing some cool stuff.
So you get a pat on the back or you receive some shiny stuff is the devil. It's the illusion of winning, you know, like the real do I really want to do that? Is it what I've always wanted to do? Is that the thing that is going to make me feel good about me?
And the answer is no. Clearly, no. I was doing it. I was going to do it for the money and the glory.
My addiction almost got me killed because I probably wasn't going to make it. Having seven skateboard sessions in the last three weeks is not a lot. You know, the good guys, you know what, how many times they skate every day? All year round.
I've got to be scared seven times in three weeks. I am better than I've ever been. That's not true. The little ideas, it'll go viral.
Like, whoa, ego, you know, you're 10 grand. You go to coast, you go, bing, you're like, oh, it's worth it. And then people said that I couldn't make it. And then I did make it bing.
Like, I, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck who? Who are you talking to?
Somebody on Twitter? Are you serious? Like, you don't think I'm a man because I didn't do it? What is that?
No one's even, no one's even slid down it. Not me, only one. And even if they did, who cares? But anyway, when my son called me and said, please don't do it.
And I was like, I'm not going to do it. And then Tim walked over to the gate to get me and was like, don't worry about it, man. Or what an asshole that guy is, you know? Like, he came over and was like, hey, man, don't worry about it.
Like, you know, like as long as you're safe. Like, I think he didn't want me to do it. And I don't think he was worried about giving me 10 grand. I think he was like, man, I don't want Jason to get hurt.
And I don't know. You know? Like, he actually gave a shit. And he was like, don't walk off, man.
Like, let me take it to dinner. You know, let's just shrug it off, man. You'll be all right. Like, don't worry about it.
And I think for the first time ever, when I've done something where I said I was going to do it and then I chicken dad, because it's happened in my life. I don't want to say I'm a coward. I mean, I said that when I posted it, you know, that I'm a coward. But that's again, that's my ego, you know?
It's my ego feeding in. Like, if I say I'm a coward, then I can feel sorry for myself. And if I feel sorry for myself, I can find a reason to use, to run, to, you know, do some drugs or do something that will, again, perpetuate the cycle of feeling bad for making a mistake and doing something wrong. And then the next thing, feeling bad, running, running, running, and then mixing, you know, like, you know what?
Why not smoke a giant? Why not have a beer? Why not do some creative? Why not do this?
Next thing, you know, your life is ruined. You have nobody around you anymore, because you burn all your bridges. That's why I can't do any of it, you know? And I have to work, I have to work on the program, people like, man, how do you get sober?
It's, it's, you got to work, you know? How do I bench press 250? You got to go and bench press 100 millions of times and then go to 150. That's how it works.
How do I do 540s? Do 360s, then 180s before that, then this before that, and all this work, monotony. Sometimes it's really boring. Sometimes it's like not fun.
Sometimes it's humiliating. Sometimes you feel like it's insignificant. Turn. You just keep going.
You keep working. How do I get to go to comedy? How come that person's better at coming than I am? And I'm better than they are, because they've worked.
Because you work with that guy who didn't work as much as me. So what? Who cares who works more than you? Who cares about any of it?
The most important thing when it's on the table and you're about to die, what is the most important thing that you did? And you just don't think it's going to happen to you? You don't think you're going to die? The only people that think they're going to die are people that have died and woken up or been on the hospital bed and they're like, you're going to die and then they don't die.
And then they have this new outlook on life. Soldiers that have had bullets whizzed by and watched their friends die in their hands. Those people understand how important it is to have a life. What is important in that life?
It's your friends and your family. That's it. If you have a girlfriend or a wife, that's the most important thing you have in your life. It's the most important thing you will ever have in your life.
Cherish it. You know? Extra boobs in my life mean nothing to me now. Because I don't know how much longer I'm going to live.
And it haunts me. It haunts me in the most glorious way ever. I am haunted by death because I understand that life is not forever. And I cherish every day and dropping in that thing for 10 grand and having an 80% chance of going to hospital or dying.
It wasn't worth it. And when I backed out of it and was like, don't do it, my ego attacked the crap out of me. It was like, you're a piece of shit. You're a pussy.
You're scared. You're a coward. And my sobriety and my work is not even just it's not the sobriety. It's the work that I've put in to stay sober.
Said, hey, man, you're alive. You know? You are not in hospital right now. You don't have a critical illness.
You have your whole body to move around. You are loved. Your son doesn't want you to do it because he loves you. Your girlfriend doesn't want you to do it because she loves you.
Two people that reached out that really didn't want you to do it. Because they would rather you didn't weren't good at anything, but just alive so that they could say they loved you. That's winning. You know?
That's what the winning hand is. Like making some drop in. You know? Go on a visit.
Don't go on vacation. You know? I'm alive. You know?
I can go see my kid. It's not that easy to do it. I can still figure out a way to see him. It's very busy.
But yeah, what I'm trying to say is I didn't do it and I don't really mind it. And it's only been one day. And usually if I was to do something that I really wanted to do and I really mentally prepared, physically, physically prepared to do it, and didn't do it, it would eat me alive for a long time. And it would eat me.
The ego would get in there, make me feel bad. And then I would use drugs and alcohol and sex, all the same thing to me. To run from it, which means I would no longer face the fact that I did not commit to making that. And then every now and then when I got a little sober, I would burn.
And then it would start to burn. And I wouldn't know what it was that was burning me anymore. I would just be like, man, I don't feel very happy today. And I don't know why, because I forgot the reason in the first place that made me run.
These are life lessons, you know? But instead I faced it completely sober. Yeah, man, you were too scared to drop in down that thing because you were too scared about getting hurt. And it's okay.
It wasn't if you hadn't, you know, if I would I drop in that drop in to keep my girlfriend alive? Yeah. But it wasn't for her life. It was for money, which is not that important.
So I don't feel that bad. Kind of okay with it. Kind of. It's weird.
I kind of feel loved. And that's kind of all I need. So ridiculous way to figure that out. But yeah, I'm kind of relieved.
You know, it's like I think I made a good decision. And I think my ego, you know, because that's my addiction. It's still gonna poke pussy. I'm like, no, maybe I am.
I don't really care. I'm a lot. I do have a lot of skateboards that are really big, too big because I was like, I think I need this size board and they're too big. So I want to give boards away, but I don't know how to do that.
How would I do that? Zach? We can do a giveaway on YouTube. Yeah.
Yeah. I might do a giveaway on YouTube and give away some boards. And most of you don't actually skate. You put them on the wall.
So it won't matter that they're these are giant boards. Text messages. Hey, it's Katrina from Colorado. I just wanted to tell you guys.
Finish my last day of chemo today. Oh, I'm telling you guys, because I want to thank you for being part of helping me through my journey. I look forward to every new episode because I brought important distraction from the rest of my shit that was happening in my life. I've been listening for 16 years and you've helped me get through some stuff that you deserve to hear.
Wait, and you deserve to hear how much you are appreciated and loved. Picture from when I met you in January at Fort Worth. Highlight of my year. Thank you.
I remember her. That's awesome. See what I mean? You don't realize that you can just have your life taken away from it, you know.
It's not worth risking it for money or a pat on the back or whatever, so to speak. Someone on Saturday said you are a cool person. Wish you would talk. Wish you would talk, but you have your life.
So maybe what the hell? Maybe I'll get to the rest of those text messages later when what the? Some crazy people out there, man. Are those boards, boonies, boards or those?
Yeah, yeah, we can do a skate park day. One, two. Dude, you know what he said? He said I teach people to skate and I was like, I want to do a thing to help Verdala and go to Utah and do a skateboard.
Like teach a bunch of kids how to skate and maybe do it on the news or something to promote Verdala. And he was like, if you do that, I'll give you a bunch of skateboards to give to the kids. Like they do put a lot of money into skateboarding. The guy was extremely excited about this contest and just trying to bring you know, he's got ideas about how to make skateboarding exciting and bring money into the industry.
And look, I do, I do, you know, I went to dinner with all of them and there's a bunch. There was one guy that was like, um, like a trans woman is a dude. And I was like, whoa, I just died laughing because I thought he was joking. And he was like, and I'm like, well, trans women are trans women.
And he's like, no man, they're dudes. And I'm like, you're saying that aggressively, you know, like, I'm like, I'm friends with some trans women and do you want them to go to the man's bathroom? Cause people would freak out because you wouldn't know that that was born a man. I just don't see the problem here.
You know, like, and your tone is aggressive. What is your real, there's something else, you know, there's some other problem that you have. But that's, you know, honestly, he sent, if I, my gator was going off a little bit, like I'm scared a little bit. And look, I don't know that, you know, I don't know.
I'm just saying, I was like, your voice sounds gay. It does. And then I don't know if he's there, he's not him. Sure, he's not.
It also, I think the thing that I've noticed is like, I don't, you're not triggering me. I don't care, you know, like the earth is flat. Okay. Yeah, I don't care.
So there was a bit of an eye opening experience there with those guys where I get how people are, you know, you hang out with Jim pool now, you're a, you're a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a guy loves skating. He's a real skateboarder. And he hangs out with all kinds of people. That's the other thing.
Like you guys all come at me like, you know, Lewis, Jay Gomez, big J, all those guys, Skankfest, they hang out with like all those guys. And nobody seems to care about that. It's just like the, the, I don't say it, the libtiles of the world are like, you, now I hate you because you associate with them. And I'm like, dude, you're, you're, you're all better than that.
You know, live your lives. You know, like mayhem. What's the guy that I talked about that I didn't know that was an announcer at my event that Lewis had. He was sitting next to me.
It's like a white supremacist. What? Sam Hyde. Yeah.
Sam Hyde. I don't know who this is. You know, I mean, like I'm out here. I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm just trying to be cool. But Sam Hyde had an argument with mayhem on some other podcast about how, you know, it's a white genocide. Like a guy is, I think he's racist. I think he is.
I don't know that for sure. But boy, did it sound like it at the time. And mayhem talked to him. Mayhem got to ride with him to that podcast.
Their friends, big J and, and Lewis, our friends with that guy, you guys, and, and, and, Lewis is Paul Reakin. And these friends with Sam, none of it matters. You know, but I think if, if because I've been such a libtied in the past, that people that listen to this show are like, wait, you're gonna associate with them, then you're a bad guy. And I'm like, dude, you got to let it go.
You got to let like, you know, like if, if Tim Paul is like, hey, fag, you're gonna let it go in the bathroom. I'd be like, really dude? But he's not. And it's like, and I feel like people in social media wouldn't ever, first of all, you're never gonna listen to this.
You only just take the clip and run with it. And even when you take the clip, you run with the bit that you heard, not the bit that I actually said, you're insane. You're insanely possessed by the bullshit smoke of social media, and you twist and turn about it. On both sides, I heard it this weekend with people, Republican people like, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man.