The Blame Game: A Key Tactic in the Cycle of Emotional Abuse

This episode unpacks what happens when speaking your truth gets twisted into a blame game. You finally name the pattern—gaslighting, neglect, constant eggshells—only to have the conversation hijacked. Suddenly you’re defending a mistake from years ago, a text tone, or an unrelated incident. Instead of accountability, you’re trapped in deflection, false equivalency, and emotional erasure.Jessica breaks down how this tactic shows up in everyday conversations, why it’s such a powerful tool of emotional abuse, and how it connects to the larger cycle. She explains DARVO in real time, highlights the difference between repair and image management, and shares ways to recognize when the blame game is pulling you off center.If you’ve ever left an argument wondering how you became the problem just for naming your pain, this episode will help you see the pattern clearly—and remind you that you are not crazy.Support the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your RelationshipWebsite: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.comInstagram: @emotionalabusecoachEmail: [email protected]{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner