The Bubble

There are seasons of life in which all your energy, time, and mental space is taken up by your circumstances. The thing is, you probably don't even realize you were in a bubble until you come out of it. One major "bubble" of life is the 20 year period in which you have kids, are driving your career forward, and are likely caring for or at least keeping an eye on your aging parents. Prior to having kids, we had a social life, ambitions, and even hobbies. But inside the bubble, our priorities are different and our own desires often get shuffled to the side. Sometimes the bubble consumes you so completely that it's tough to keep up with world events, pop culture, or anything that doesn't relate directly to our immediate family's needs and wants. Comedian Bill Burr provided the inspiration for this conversation with his skit about The Bubble. Today, Virginia and I discuss our different phases of being in the bubble. The common rhetoric of practicing gratefulness directly conflicts with our natural desire to compare ourselves with others. Who has it worse? Does it depend on income, the number of kids, the grandparents' ability to help, working parents vs stay at home parents? Everything's a comparison. The truth is, comparison and seemingly selfish thoughts are your brain's natural tendency toward survival mode. It's natural to look toward others as a gauge - are you doing better or worse? Only your scenario is occupying your brain's attention. It's natural to think you'd handle a situation better than someone else. Our ability to understand what someone else is going through is limited by our own experience and true sympathy typically doesn't surface until we experience something equally as tough. In this episode, listen for: It does not diminish the impact your condition is having on your life and mental health, even if someone else in the world is in a worse situation [13:38] It's a natural instinct to keep moving forward and believe that things will get better to keep you from going down the rabbit hole of despair [27:32] You must be aware of where you are in your life's journey and of your personal ambitions [38:31] "The Bubble" concept becomes most apparent at the mid-life point. Once your kids are grown, it's possible you find yourself looking back, wondering what happened to the original goals you set for yourself in your 20s. At this point, it's useful to redefine what some call a mid-life crisis. Although some go about it the wrong way, mid-life is often a great time to reevaluate your lifestyle, goals, and ambitions. This is typically the point at which you're exiting the bubble and finally have the mental space and energy to refocus on your desires in life. Are those things from your 20's still important? It's okay for goals to fade away, become irrelevant, or change. www.unlearningproject.org