The Capable Tax

Ress discusses the exhaustion that comes from being the person who always notices problems, reads the room, and manages crises, emphasizing that awareness and emotional intelligence are labor often treated as automatic and expected rather than appreciated. Ress explains how these skills are frequently formed through tough experiences and can lead to resentment when others rely on the “capable one” as an unpaid mediator, therapist, and safety net, like “electricity” people only notice when it’s gone. We explore how being seen as safe can cause others to stop trying, and share a personal realization that led to renegotiating how they show up.