The Career Truths No One Tells You (But Everyone Needs to Hear)

hello and welcome to the career pivot accelerator podcast i'm your host peggy mcknight i'm so glad you're here today's episode is one i've been wanting to record for a while because there are some things i believe work and careers that i don't hear other people talking about nearly enough these aren't the loud buzzy career tips you see everywhere they're the quiet truths the ones that actually change how you navigate your day to day so grab your coffee settle in and let's talk about what really matters when it comes to building a career that doesn't cost you your confidence i want to start today's episode with something honest that i want to share with you there are beliefs i hold about work careers and confidence that have completely changed how i show up and how the people i coach show up they're not flashy they're not about hustle culture or manifesting your dream job they're quieter than that but they're powerful and if you're someone who's been feeling stuck not because you're not good at what you do but because something just feels off about how work works this episode is going to resonate you might find yourself nodding along thinking yes finally someone said it or you might realize halfway through that this isn't the approach you're looking for right now and both of those responses completely valid i'm here for the people who want to feel steady clear and confident in rooms that used to make them second guess themselves if that's you let's go here's the first belief i want to share with you i don't believe most people lack confidence i believe they've been trained not to trust themselves at work it's almost like it's an invisible conditioning that no one even realizes let me explain what i mean you have an idea in a meeting and before you even say it out loud you scan the room is this the right moment will they look and think like i'm overstepping did someone already say this and i missed it or with your idea in a meeting why are you asking yourself that already could it be that previously in a meeting you did openly share your idea but then somebody counter argued it and shot you down in flames so then you learned to scan the room is this the right moment are they thinking i'm overstepping did somebody already say it and i missed it or you finish a conversation with your manager and spend the next hour replaying it in your head did i say too much did i sound defensive should i push back harder that mental loop that constant second guessing it did not come from nowhere it came from being interrupted mid-sentence from being corrected without explanation from watching decisions get made in rooms you weren't even invited to or you're not even watching these decisions you just are already on the receiving end they're talking like you're not involved and you're thinking what did i miss here did i miss an important meeting why wasn't i involved or invited from giving your best work and hearing nothing back that's another one or worse hearing vague feedback that doesn't help you improve or constantly always saying that they appreciate you but actually not really meaning it because actions do speak louder than words over time your nervous system learn something check yourself before somebody else does and what that looks like is a lack of confidence is actually something deeper it's self-protection in the form and guise of a lack of confidence you're not insecure you're smart your brain isn't doing exactly what it was designed to do keep you safe in an environment that feels unpredictable the work isn't about building confidence it's about rebuilding trust trust in your own judgment trust in how you read the room trust that you're not imagining things when something feels off because once that trust comes back within yourself everything shifts okay next belief and this one's uncomfortable being good at your job is no longer enough to move your career forward yep i said that out loud i really wish it were true but i wish promotions went to the person who does the best work i wish visibility went to the person who delivers the most value i wish influence was purely about competence but it's not here's what i've learned both in my career and through coaching hundreds of people promotions visibility and influence don't go to the most competent person in the room they go to the person people feel something about trusted clear steady safe someone who makes decisions easier not harder someone who can hold tension without creating drama someone who advocates for their work without making it exhausting for others to support them if people don't feel you or even if your work is excellent they don't think of you when opportunities come up they don't advocate for you in rooms you're not in and this isn't about being fake or performative it's about presence it's about being someone people want to work with not just someone who gets things done the good news this is learnable i don't need to become someone else you don't need to become somebody else you just need to get clearer about how you show up and how that lands with others again it's about perception and how people perceive you it's not about sucking up to someone to prove that you're better than anyone else or getting on their good side or walking around on eggshells it really isn't about that but showing up for who you are and what you stand for will count here's another belief that took me a long time to accept staying quiet costs more than speaking up and when i say speaking up i'm not talking about being argumentative or the loudest in the room or trying to collect favor with a lot of people i.e trying to be the mean girl in the office there really is no need for any of that for years i thought staying quiet was the professional thing to do keep the peace don't rock the boat don't be seen as difficult but here's what i've learned the hard way staying quiet doesn't avoid conflict it just delays it and the bill always comes due it shows up as stress as resentment as physical exhaustion from holding everything in as self-doubt wondering if you're overreacting or if you should have said something sooner i've worked with so many people who spent years trying to be the easy one the one who doesn't complain the one who just adjusts the one who just works harder to compensate for dysfunction around them and eventually they hit a wall not because they're weak but because their body couldn't carry the weight of all that unsaid truth anymore speaking up isn't about being loud it's not about being combative it's about being clear before your body pays the price for silence it's about saying i need clarity on this this doesn't align with what we discussed last week or i'd like to understand the reasoning behind this decision all of those allow you the freedom to say something without totally burning any bridges or destroying any relationships it's just getting yourself and your brain back in alignment boundaries aren't walls they're bridges to better healthier working relationships and if speaking up costs you the relationship that tells you something important about whether the relationship was ever safe to begin with all right let's talk about toxicity for a moment because i don't believe toxic workplaces always look dramatic or frenetic they're not something that's yelling or chaos they're not obviously bullying or harassment some are polite some are very quiet some are confusing some are vague feedback is inconsistent expectations shift without announcement decisions happen behind closed doors and you're just expected to just figure it out you're never quite sure where you stand and that uncertainty that constant low-grade confusion it slowly erodes and eats away at your confidence you start wondering gosh is it me am i missing something am i not cut out for this but here's what i want you to know if you've ever thought i can't explain what's wrong but something feels off you're probably not imagining it dysfunction doesn't always announce itself sometimes it just lacks clarity a lack of consistency a lack of psychological safety and your nervous system picks up on that long before your brain can articulate it so if you're ever feeling that way right now trust yourself you're not too sensitive you're not overreacting you're reading the room correctly here's a belief that changes everything emotional intelligence is not a personality trait it is a skill that is the great news you can learn this like any skill that can be learned practiced and strengthened practice does make permanent understanding group dynamics reading rooms knowing when to speak when to wait and how to recover when things go sideways these aren't things you're born with nobody is they're things you develop through experience through feedback through intentional practice and honestly they are career accelerators especially for thoughtful capable people who don't want to play politics but still want to advance you don't need to be manipulative you don't need to be calculating you just need to understand how people work how decisions really get made what builds trust what creates safety when you can navigate dynamics and deliver great work that's when doors start opening and this final belief it matters deeply to me you do not need to become louder tougher or more aggressive or completely change your personality to succeed you don't need a new personality you don't need to fake it till you make it you don't need to adopt some persona that doesn't feel like you what you need is clarity grounding trust in your own judgment again but here's the truth when you're clearer you're harder to dismiss without ever raising your voice when you're grounded you're harder to destabilize without ever becoming defensive when you trust yourself you're harder to manipulate without ever becoming combative the most powerful people i know aren't the loudest they're the steadiest they're the ones who can hold space who can stay present under pressure who don't need to perform confidence because they actually have it and that's what i want for you my friend not performance not a mask just uniquely you clearer steadier and more grounded in who you already are so if you're still here after all that if any of this resonated you are exactly who i'm talking to you don't want shortcuts you don't want hype you don't want someone telling you just be more confident or this department doesn't cry you want to understand why work feels the way it does you want to feel steady in rooms that used to make you second-guess yourself you want to trust your own judgment again and that's exactly what we do here no quick fixes not surface level advice real grounded support for navigating work without burning out or disappearing if this resonated with you i'd love for you to follow the podcast so you don't miss future episodes and if you know someone who's quietly struggling at work someone who's capable but stuck confident but confused please share this with them sometimes just knowing you're not imagining things changes everything thanks for being here my friend i'll see you next time you