The Christian Working Woman - Are Toxic Coworkers Driving You Crazy?

Let me begin by describing what a toxic person is. Toxic means poisonous, dangerous, harmful, and persistent. So, a toxic person is one who can poison an atmosphere, and their actions and words are harmful and repetitive. Not just a once-in-awhile bad day, but a recurring unhealthy and hurtful behavior. Here are some signs that a person is toxic: They talk more than they listen. They are always right—never admit to being wrong. They are drama queens or kings—drama seems to follow them everywhere. They lack tact and general courtesy. They often lie to make themselves look good or to get what they want. They exhibit controlling behaviors. They love to talk about other people—to gossip. They are in general very negative people. Here’s the first thing I want to remind you, as we talk about dealing with toxic people. They are people that God loves, just as much as he loves you. I remember long ago when I worked for a boss who was anything but pleasant; I just found it hard to even be around him. But I remember clearly one day when the thought came to me, no doubt from the Holy Spirit, that God loved him just as much as he loved me. I had to sit down and think about it. How could God love someone so unlovable? But it’s true, because God is love, that he loves that toxic person in your life just as much as he loves you. And secondly, that person is not in your life by accident. God is allowing it—not approving of their behavior, mind you—but allowing that person in your life for some good reason. It could be to help you grow in grace, as you learn to deal with them. It could be for the good influence you could have on that toxic person—it could be both. But trust me, God has some good reason for this person being in your life. We are told in Scripture: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). That’s our assignment for dealing with toxic people. Others may live by more commonly accepted relationship principles, such as, Look out for number one! Don’t take any guff! Stand up for your rights! They may have no motivation to live at peace with everyone, but we are called to this Christ-like objective. It is a lofty one; it is often out of step with the world’s wisdom; it is often not appreciated or valued by others. But as disciples of Jesus Christ, it is our guiding principle. And for sure, when we can respond to toxic people with more patience, more kindness, and less anger than others, we are demonstrating the love of Jesus, and it won’t be missed. Your coworkers may not believe in God. They may never go to church. They may even think you are some kind of religious fanatic, but they cannot escape the difference in the way you respond to toxic people when you allow God’s Spirit to empower you to respond like Jesus would. I think your first challenge is to get your own attitude and reactions to toxic people under control. Learn to do some things that will keep you from—as we say—going crazy. Here are four practical things you can do to protect yourself when you’re dealing with a truly toxic person. Don’t let your thoughts and mind dwell on them all the time. When dealing with such a disruptive and irritating person—on a regular basis, no less—it’s very natural to let their behavior occupy your mind and your thoughts way too much. So, if you find you’re dwelling on their behavior and you’re giving them too much thought time, you need to firmly and swiftly boot the person out of your head. Refuse to let them take over your mind. Philippians 4 tells us to think about things that are lovely, pure, noble—and that pretty much excludes that toxic person. So, stop giving them time in your mind. And how do you do that? You do it by replacing thoughts of them with good thoughts, than