The laser days have somehow begun. I got my cocoons on. Hello and welcome to Raw Impressions. I'm back.
Fortrack man is back. Much to the relief of Lou. I know he feels a little lost without me. I don't know what he says.
It's been a while. He knows I'm only kidding. And something very special. And I mean special, I mean it's an ambivalent kind of special.
But this is the hint. This is the hint of what's going on with Lou. What does that signify? One more time.
But in the meantime, before that happens, it's going to be a whole lot of... Well, I'm going to split. I'll let things take over from here. It's great to be back.
And welcome to Raw Impressions. I did miss him. I missed him too. Well, I was away on tour, you know.
Yeah. I'm not sure to things. Even though he's... It's Fortrack man.
You know. The good, the bad. Just like some people in our lives that we have to deal with. Sometimes it's good.
Sometimes it's bad. The ballbusters. The ballbusters. You know what?
I just found my pen. And I've been looking for this pen. And I'm very happy. It's not just this pen, but this particular pen brand or type of pen.
I have a number of them. But I keep bringing them around the house and then forgetting where I left them. And then going to the original pen holder place to find the pen or one of them. And there's less and less because I keep grabbing them and I keep losing them.
Because I keep grabbing them. And if you, if I grab something, it does kind of like disappear. Yeah. It does.
And it ends up in strange. Like, why is it above the toilet now? Is he just found snuggle bunny down by your feet in your little like loose corner of our bedroom? I had nothing to do with that.
He did not touch snuggle bunny. Yeah. So I was very relieved, deeply relieved that we found snuggle bunny last night. That would have been a different night.
It could have been a problem. Yeah. It could have been a problem. When the child loses, it's mascot.
Yeah. It has its one thing. It's a little lovey. It's thing.
It's a little lovey. I even had to go out to the car last night and wrestle around the car. Did you hear that? No.
Yeah. No. Looking for it. A little preoccupied.
Because as a four track man was saying, the sound that he's using, it indicates a colonoscopy. I'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Today is prep day. And I'm already really hungry.
I'm not meant to eat all day long and into tomorrow. I know that's why I was afraid of you having espresso because I was afraid that the caffeine would make you hungry. It did. It did.
But you know, just can't live without my triple espresso in the morning. You know what? I might have some bone broth in the cabinet already. I'm going to go to the grocery store later this morning.
What a sparse day. I know. I mean, I feel. It's also going to be a hot day.
It's supposed to be like 96 degrees here in Greenfield, Massachusetts. If I go swimming, then I love swimming. It always makes me hungry. I'm a little nervous about you swimming.
I'm almost thinking you shouldn't go because I'm worried about you getting heat stroke. It was not eating. That makes me nervous. We don't need another reason to be nervous.
I could just hang out there. At least I would eat. That's true. You could just get small talk.
Another set of eyes. That's true. Drink and sip and some bone broth. I'll get you some white grape juice too.
It has to be clear liquid. A couple ice cubes in that bone broth. I could make you a bone broth popsicle. That sounds great.
And it sounds innovative. A bone sickle. It sounds like a bone sickle. Look what I made you honey.
Look what I made you honey. Check it out. It's a bone sickle. Don't worry everyone.
It's just bone broth and popsicle form. Your husband didn't go put his dick in the freezer. The lengths we can go. I'm going to put my cocoons back on.
Although I'm sure some man has probably put his dick in a freezer to freeze it and to just... What? Is dismembered dick? No, no.
I'm sure he's just stood in front of a freezer with his penis. That would be if he took too much... It's a Danifil. Otherwise not a drag.
Cryopism. Cryopism. That's the endless boner. The unfortunate man that we're by-aggrat triggers is just a boner that won't go.
You know you're at the hospital with your huge boner. I showed up for my colonoscopy. The raging boner. My wife tried to make me stand in front of the freezer.
I thought I'd just have a cold raging boner. And I'm getting a colonoscopy. And check out my manscaping. Nurse.
Don't you go googling me after this? Oh my god. Oh dear. Check out my manscaping.
This was for you. I thought I would just get the shaving out of the way for y'all. I don't think you have to shave your butthole. They're colonoscopies.
I don't know. That's where it goes. I'm taking it out. I'm sure that little laser can weave its way through the woods, through the forest.
Well, anyway. Yeah, so we're just okay. I feel a little better now. Thinking about- Thank you, Fortruck, man.
He set us up really well for this episode. I was feeling a bit of a nervous stomach, a nervous, empty stomach. Yeah. You haven't even started the stuff yet that makes you shit.
Gavolite. That'll come later. Gavolite. I'm going to kick into that maybe.
It's probably the longest day of your life. I should bring that to the pool party. You really should bring the junk. Oh no, don't touch that Izzy.
No, that's gavolite. That's my gavolite. My Celts are gavolite. I'm sipping on by the pool.
Oh my god. Waiting for all fucking hell to break loose. Well, yeah. I thought I did see a thing that said drink half of it in the afternoon or something.
Yeah, I looked it up even though- What does it say? What are the instructions? Well, I looked it up online. The instructions say, you know, do it according to your doctor's instructions, but they didn't give me any instructions.
I know, but that was up with that. They were like, you should have received your instructions and you're like, but I didn't. But then again, it is me. I do tend to overlook things.
Maybe they did give you instructions. Maybe they did. There could have been a whole printout. There could have been a whole booklet you came home with.
They could have tattooed it on my fucking arm. Yeah. Colonoscopy instructions. Hopefully this will be the last one for a while.
Yeah. I thought my father and my elderly father, they don't even bother with the colonoscopy now. They're like, whatever. Really?
Yeah. Yeah. They just stopped going up the poop hole after a while? Yeah, it doesn't matter.
You're like the likelihood of you passing away with them the next 10 years. You know, why bother? Wow. I know, it's like ouch.
Maybe your dad will live another 20 years. He could. That'd be cool. He puts down that bag of lays.
Sit down, dad. Stay away from subway. The old men think they're going to subway and getting a chicken parm sandwich is healthy. Well, come on.
Hey, don't shout out so specifically here. I can hear it. They've given up on the podcast a long time ago. Your mom's going to text me tomorrow.
He's stuck with a chicken parm. Look, she's not going to argue with us. Yeah, she definitely doesn't argue with us. She knows what's right.
She knows what needs to happen. This is a public service announcement for all of the other other ones. It does, too. You have to put down the chicken parm eventually.
Put down the parm. I actually grilled eggplant last night and I had the thought, you know what, how this would be delicious? With a bunch of cheese on it. Yes.
And red sauce and baked in the oven. It turns out eggplant is actually just like a spoon or something. It's a sponge. You're meant to use it.
It's like a reciprocal. Reciprocal? Reciprocal. Good word.
I don't know if it fits there. I don't think that's the word. It's skeptical. Reciprocal?
Reciprocal. I thought a receptacle was like the trash can. It is. But anything that receives.
Oh, but no, I'm thinking of it as more of a tool. That's why I was trying to say like it's like a tool, like a spoon. Like you're using the eggplant to bring the sauce and the cheese to your mouth. You just stop it up.
Yeah. Well, you'd need a firmer. You would need a firmer. I like a firm aubergine.
That's an eggplant. That's a fancy word. Oh, I was like, oh my God, what's aubergine. Aubergine.
Oh, that's is that purple? Yeah. That color. Yeah, exactly.
That beautiful purple. It's actually beautiful gorgeous, beautiful purple. It's a beautiful, it's a beautiful piece of vegetable. It's a beautiful vegetable and also as far as the emoji world goes, it's a really good representation of a penis.
Well, an actual eggplant. Well, the eggplant we were having, if that was your penis, I would say you definitely need to visit the doctor because that's an ism of some kind. That's not how your penis should look. It was so wide.
The whole thing was wide. I heard wide is better. That's too wide. That's too wide.
That's too wide. That's too wide. That's too wide. That's not a penis.
It's not a penis. We're not talking about a Japanese eggplant. We're just talking about a traditional, like just, everyone knows what I'm talking about. Anyway, the emoji one is more of, wasn't that more of a Japanese eggplant as someone is calling?
I don't know. Don't care. Just no makes a good penis. Sometimes, when that is, that's something that brightens your day being able to send that to someone, being able to send that to a loved one, someone that appreciates it.
What do they appreciate? Well, you've liked it when I've sent the... Why are you going to tell people that? It's been a while, actually.
Japanese eggplant. Okay. Yeah, they're the ones that are... That's true.
That's a good-looking eggplant. That is a really good-looking eggplant. Yeah, I approve. And they're also delicious.
I've said too much. Okay. You know what? It's 9.27.
Yeah. I got to go. What do you mean you got to go? I have to go.
At 10 o'clock, I have to be sitting in the chair at the lift and amers for my haircut. It's only going to take you 25 minutes to get there. No. I've tried that.
I'm going to leave in less than a half an hour. And I've been late every time. Well, this is not a full episode of Raw Imprechions, the podcast. It's as full as I can make it right now.
It's as full as it can be. It's as full as an eggplant right now. I think it's a wonderful podcast and people will understand. Okay.
Well, I'm going in for my colonoscopy tomorrow. And then I guess we'll talk to everybody later. Maybe we'll talk about the colonoscopy. Colonoscopy, maybe not.
Right. You know? Maybe we won't talk about it. Maybe we'll never speak of it again.
It's kind of like the Pami Awards. You know? When the Pami's popped up, the podcast Amies. Yes.
And we had been nominated for several Pami Awards, including best sound design. But then there was meant to be a, you were going to the ceremony. In Vegas. Yeah, with Mark Meron.
Meron. Meron. Mark Meron. Mark Meron.
And then we never heard about that again. Right. Well, I can't talk about it. I can't talk about it.
Yeah. So, some things have to remain mysterious and the colonoscopy is up in the air. It's personal. It's personal.
For me and my ass and you. True. We're on this journey together. We are.
Do you, Adele, Think Blue, and his ass. It's colon. You know, I heard that if you, I remember, I remember not a lot from my school years, but I was told that if you took the, is it the large intestine or the small intestine and spread it, it could spread all the way across the blackboard, like in a school room, like a, you know, like a huge, like a blackboard. Yeah, it's like really, really long.
Wow. When you take it out and you unravel it. That's insane. Yeah.
Wow. business going on in the length of your colon. It's kind of crazy, because then it feels like sometimes when you have like, I don't know, like, explosive diarrhea or something, it feels like it happens really quickly. Like, how did it...
It's a long way to travel. It's a long way to travel. How many miles per hour? Yeah, exactly, that's what I'm saying.
Like, wow, have they ever measured how fast, you know? That's the thing about, you know, asparagus too, is how the smell of asparagus can make it to your urine, like, really quickly. And so, I mean, it's not a direct line. It's gotta be a real sneaky little tube.
And it has to go in your stomach, where it has all those acids, those acids. It gets filtered through your stomach and then somehow, at your urethra. Mm-hmm, your peal. Your peal.
Your urethra, Franklin, right away. And then the waft, the familiar waft of asparagus, almost instantaneously. I don't like you saying urethra, Franklin, because I really respect her. Well, it's funny.
I respect her too. Are you SPECT? She's a, yeah, she's a, I don't think, I think she's okay with it. Okay, it's comedy.
It's comedy. It's comedy. It's touching, you know, it's a bit of a throwback. It's an old and trusty, yeah.
Hey, we were talking about my celebrity names. It fits right in with that. Yes, there you go. You were with Franklin and the Doom of Thermos.
Doom of Thermos. And the Deep and Squawk. Oh. Well, this is a good start to a bad day.
I don't know if I have any. This is a great start to a bad day. Oh. Thank you for a try.
Maybe it's gonna be a great day. Maybe you're actually gonna get like on some kind of like, hi, you're gonna just feel like you're sailing today while you're on a slippery diet. I'm only to feel like I'm soaring. Surrying.
As my body empties. Hopefully your butthole won't feel swollen. We've got the bidet. We've got the, I installed bidetes.
These are the little things. And we have wipes. And I probably have to use wipes. I'm telling you.
I know if we talked about this before. No, because we could do a whole episode on it. But I get yourself one of those bidetes. It sort of functions as a Japanese toilet.
Yeah. Not a great of course, because it doesn't have, I mean, a Japanese toilet. Genius, right? Don't even get me started.
I'm about to get you started. But anyway, I'm feeling good about, I think my butthole is gonna be fine and won't become chafed from all the wiping because I simply, I barely have to wipe. Yeah. With my bidet.
Okay. This will be an interesting day for us, privately or not. We'll let you know. Yeah.
Sorry, I got a bail so quick. Yeah, you got to get going now. I do now. Yeah.
Now wait, thanks. You just have to go directly downstairs. And now I have to go to the bathroom before I go. So now I'm officially late.
Oh, okay. Okay. Good luck. Bye.
Bye. Thank you for listening to another episode for our impressions. It's time for Lou and Adele to stop talking. Get on with this interesting day.
And tomorrow, even more interesting day. Hopefully Lou doesn't just come out of that. Come out of his anastasia crying, sobbing. I think he did last time.
It's funny stuff. Funny stuff. Well, that's just wish everyone good luck. Good luck with your procedure, Lou.
I'm sure it'll be fine. You're okay. Thank you for listening to Wrong Pressions.