The Cost of Being the Chill Girlfriend

[Watch on YouTube.] In this episode, Hayes answers three letters from women who feel like they (and their feelings, boundaries, and bodies) are too much. We explore the question: is it selfish...or is it self-worth? Letter one features a man who insists on being besties with his exes. Letter two, from someone whose boyfriend told her he's losing attraction towards her because of her weight gain. (If you're uncomfortable with the topic of weight, feel free to skip to letter 2. Timestamp in the description!) And letter three is from a soon-to-be 21-year old whose boyfriend...doesn't "get" birthdays. Enjoy! 00:00 Introduction 00:25 The question of being “too much” 02:55 Overview of the 3 letters 03:56 Empathy and expectations for letter writers  06:54 Letter 1: “Not so chill girlfriend”   09:06 Having a reaction making you “not chill”  11:12 Unpacking the boyfriend details  17:32 Insecurities vs something to be insecure about  28:56 Letter 2: “Body size and attraction”  29:54 Angry about perceptions of weight  31:36 You are desirable  35:57 Coming back with better tools  37:50 Referencing “Fatphobia Is Not A Sexual Preference by Sonalee Rashatwar” 39:44 Reality of body changes  42:33 Sample script  44:55 Letter 3: “Birthday ‘brat’”  46:51 Being celebrated & celebrating others  49:26 Expectations and flexibility  52:14 Storytime when my birthday was ruined by a man  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices