The Dark Side of Control

Do you get grippy, anxious, or self-critical when life doesn’t go the way you planned? In this Secret Sangha episode, I explore the paradox and dark side of control—sparked by what happened at a private dinner after my Tell the Truth Salon event with Dan Siegel. Drawing on Dan’s ABC motivational systems (agency, belonging, certainty), we unpack how control spirals show up as rumination, self-blame, people-pleasing, or criticism. I also share how one question at dinner revealed that many pivotal moments in our lives come when control is ripped away.Listen and learn:The ABC systems behind your control habits: agency, belonging, and certaintyCommon “dark side” control strategies (inner focus, outer focus, and push-pull)What’s not up to you (others’ actions, happiness, thoughts/feelings, outcomes) and what is (your actions and response)The Wise Effort method: get curious, sort what you can/can’t control, and focus your energyIf this episode helps, share it with someone who’s stuck in a control loop.Related ResourcesGet enhanced show notes for this episodeBecome a Wise Effort Community memberSign up for my newsletterOrder my book, Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most, and receive special bonus gifts.Diana's EventsSee Diana at an upcoming eventConnecting With DianaSubscribe for free on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.Leave a 5-star review on Apple so people like you can find the show.Follow Diana on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Diana’s website.Thanks to the team, Craig and Ashley Hiatt, and Benjamin Gould of Bell & Branch for your beautiful music.Mentioned in this episode:Join the Wise Effort CommunityWise Effort Community