EPISODE · Jun 6, 2026 · 41 MIN
The Decision You Still Regret Was Saving You
from The Wired for Well-Being Podcast · host Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein
Discover your free gift from Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein at drjeffreyrutstein.com/links — a 20-minute video on nervous system states and the practices that can help you find regulation. Want to leave a question? Call 866-357-5156 There's a decision you keep replaying. The turn you took, the path you walked away from, the version of yourself you left behind. It feels like proof you made the wrong call — and the longer you live with it, the heavier it gets. But what if the regret isn't actually regret? What if it's a nervous system in shutdown, telling you a story you've started to believe? In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein — psychologist, trauma expert, and nervous system specialist — explores what he calls "regret in the rearview mirror." Together with Steve, he traces how the choices we punish ourselves for were almost always acts of self-protection, not failure. He reframes regret as an offshoot of shame, and shows how state drives story: the same decision looks different depending on whether your nervous system is regulated or dysregulated. Drawing on polyvagal theory, nervous system regulation, and trauma-informed clinical work, Jeffrey unpacks the shame-blame-regret triangle that keeps so many of us stuck looking backward. He explores how nervous system dysregulation colors our memories with a quality of negativity that has nothing to do with reality — and why what once felt like quitting was often the body's way of returning you to yourself. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo or email [email protected]. Discover your free gift from Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein. Find it at drjeffreyrutstein.com/links. The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.
What this episode covers
In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores what he calls ”regret in the rearview mirror” — that nagging feeling that you took the wrong turn, made the wrong call, walked away from the version of yourself you were supposed to become. Joined by his co-host Steve, who volunteers his own story of leaving music decades ago, Jeffrey traces how old decisions get replayed and rewritten by a nervous system in shutdown — where the same choice that once protected you starts to look like proof of failure. He unpacks the shame-blame-regret triangle, the way state drives story, and the difference between honest regret and the kind that quietly hardens into self-blame. What emerges is a tender reframe: the decisions we punish ourselves for were almost always made for safety, not weakness — the nervous system doing what nervous systems do, keeping us alive in the moment we needed it most. For anyone carrying a wrong-turn story they can’t quite put down, this episode offers a quiet permission to look back differently, and to recognize the part of you that’s still trying to find its way home.
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The Decision You Still Regret Was Saving You
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