The Disappearing “I”: When Women Lose Themselves in Love

from Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity · host Leslie Mathews

In a recent therapy session, my therapist asked me a simple question I couldn't answer: "How would it feel to say I?" I couldn't. ✨ If this episode names something you've been carrying, I work with women on exactly this at The Loom Life → https://theloomlife.com ✨ Ready for structured support through divorce or transition? Explore the THROUGH program → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram This solo episode is about a single moment in a couples therapy session — and the much bigger pattern that moment exposed. I'm calling it the disappearing I: what happens when women have lived so long inside the emotional weather of another person that they no longer have a neutral location to speak from. The first-person voice goes quiet. Sometimes for years. In this episode I unpack: • Why "selfish" is the word that flashes when we try to claim our own needs • How IFS protector parts learn to keep us safe by keeping us tuned to other people • The fawn response in polyvagal terms, and how anxious attachment treats merging as safety • How the disappearing I leaks into business, client work, creative life, friendships, and the body • The way back — treating the first-person voice as a muscle that has atrophied, not a moral failing This is a quieter episode. Not a dramatic before-and-after, but the kind of inner work that slowly changes a life. CHAPTERS 00:00 Today's vulnerable opening 01:00 "How would it feel to say I?" 02:00 Welcome to Pulling Threads — introducing the disappearing I 03:00 The neon word: selfish 05:00 Context — a partner in deep trauma work 07:00 "Can you locate yourself?" 08:00 Defining the disappearing I (this is not selflessness) 09:00 Where it comes from 10:00 IFS protector parts and childhood origins 12:00 Becoming the calm one for an exhausted parent 13:00 Polyvagal fawn and anxious attachment 15:00 Cultural conditioning and good-girl training 16:00 How the disappearing I leaks: business, pricing, client work 18:00 Career, creative life, friendships 19:00 How it leaks into the body and your sense of self 20:00 The way back (a Mother's Day reflection) 22:00 Practicing I with my own therapist 23:00 Treating the first-person voice as a muscle 24:00 A note on partners in active trauma work 26:00 Closing reflection and an invitation CONNECT WITH LESLIE Website → https://theloomlife.com Therapy services → https://loomlifetherapy.com Personal site → https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram → https://instagram.com/the.loom.life TikTok → https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews Email → [email protected] WORK WITH LESLIE THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program) → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 1:1 coaching & therapy inquiries → https://theloomlife.com If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a comment with the moment that landed for you, and share with someone who might need to hear it. Thank you for being here. Keywords: people pleasing in relationships, fawn response, anxious attachment, internal family systems, IFS parts work, polyvagal theory, women's mental health, healing attachment wounds, losing yourself in a relationship, reclaiming your voice, therapy for people pleasers, mother's day reflection #PullingThreadsPodcast #MentalHealthPodcast #PeoplePleasing #FawnResponse #IFSTherapy #AnxiousAttachment #WomensMentalHealth

What this episode covers

In a recent therapy session, my therapist asked me a simple question I couldn't answer: "How would it feel to say I?" I couldn't. ✨ If this episode names something you've been carrying, I work with women on exactly this at The Loom Life → https://theloomlife.com✨ Ready for structured support through divorce or transition? Explore the THROUGH program → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram This solo episode is about a single moment in a couples therapy session — and the much bigger pattern that moment exposed. I'm calling it the disappearing I: what happens when women have lived so long inside the emotional weather of another person that they no longer have a neutral location to speak from. The first-person voice goes quiet. Sometimes for years. In this episode I unpack:• Why "selfish" is the word that flashes when we try to claim our own needs• How IFS protector parts learn to keep us safe by keeping us tuned to other people• The fawn response in polyvagal terms, and how anxious attachment treats merging as safety• How the disappearing I leaks into business, client work, creative life, friendships, and the body• The way back — treating the first-person voice as a muscle that has atrophied, not a moral failing This is a quieter episode. Not a dramatic before-and-after, but the kind of inner work that slowly changes a life. CHAPTERS00:00 Today's vulnerable opening01:00 "How would it feel to say I?"02:00 Welcome to Pulling Threads — introducing the disappearing I03:00 The neon word: selfish05:00 Context — a partner in deep trauma work07:00 "Can you locate yourself?"08:00 Defining the disappearing I (this is not selflessness)09:00 Where it comes from10:00 IFS protector parts and childhood origins12:00 Becoming the calm one for an exhausted parent13:00 Polyvagal fawn and anxious attachment15:00 Cultural conditioning and good-girl training16:00 How the disappearing I leaks: business, pricing, client work18:00 Career, creative life, friendships19:00 How it leaks into the body and your sense of self20:00 The way back (a Mother's Day reflection)22:00 Practicing I with my own therapist23:00 Treating the first-person voice as a muscle24:00 A note on partners in active trauma work26:00 Closing reflection and an invitation CONNECT WITH LESLIEWebsite → https://theloomlife.comTherapy services → https://loomlifetherapy.comPersonal site → https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram → https://instagram.com/the.loom.lifeTikTok → https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathewsEmail → [email protected] WORK WITH LESLIETHROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program) → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram1:1 coaching & therapy inquiries → https://theloomlife.com If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a comment with the moment that landed for you, and share with someone who might need to hear it. Thank you for being here. Keywords: people pleasing in relationships, fawn response, anxious attachment, internal family systems, IFS parts work, polyvagal theory, women's mental health, healing attachment wounds, losing yourself in a relationship, reclaiming your voice, therapy for people pleasers, mother's day reflection #PullingThreadsPodcast #MentalHealthPodcast #PeoplePleasing #FawnResponse #IFSTherapy #AnxiousAttachment #WomensMentalHealth

NOW PLAYING

The Disappearing “I”: When Women Lose Themselves in Love

0:00 27:12

1×

No transcript for this episode yet

We transcribe on demand. Request one and we'll notify you when it's ready — usually under 10 minutes.

Share this episode

Similar Episodes

No similar episodes found.

Similar Podcasts

Solving for Change MOBIA Technology Innovations Solving for Change welcomes business and technology leaders to share stories of bold business transformation within complex organizations. In an era when technology and markets are changing around businesses, the key to staying competitive is to evolve in response to those changes. MOBIA’s Mike Reeves and Marc LeBlanc investigate business transformation, deconstructing the challenges, ambitions, and market disruptions that drive companies to embark on transformation journeys, and exploring their unique approaches to achieving meaningful outcomes. What sparks leaders to pursue business transformation? How do they overcome the challenges along the way? What are the keys to creating enduring change? Through in-depth conversations with business and technology leaders, Mike and Marc answer these questions and explore how businesses evolve by pulling four key transformation levers: people, process, technology, and culture. Two Recruiters: Zero Filter Two Recruiters At Two Recruiters: Zero Filter, we're on a mission to demystify the hiring process, share insider tips, and empower you to maneuver through the professional world with confidence. With more than 30 years of combined experience navigating the intricate web of job markets, talent acquisition, and career development, we're here to spill the tea on everything career related. But wait, there’s more! We will dive into many life topics that are interesting to us as well. Get ready for a rollercoaster of insights, stories, and no-holds-barred advice!Join us for conversations that matter – where work, life, and authenticity collide in the most unexpected and rewarding ways. Dragnet Entertainment Radio The Dragnet radio show was a groundbreaking and influential police procedural drama that ran on NBC from 1949 to 1957. Here are some key things to know about it:Main Features:Focus: The show followed the cases of Sergeant Joe Friday and his partners, primarily in the Los Angeles Police Department. It depicted the real-life work of detectives, including the tedious investigation process, interviews, stakeouts, and occasional danger.Realism: Jack Webb, the show's creator and star, aimed for authenticity. Episodes were often based on real cases, with details changed to protect the innocent. The dialogue was direct and unvarnished, mimicking the way police officers actually spoke.Famous Intro: The show's opening sequence is iconic: the announcer's voice declaring "This is the city... Los Angeles... California..." followed by the signature "dun-dun-DUN" theme music.Impact:Pioneering Police Procedural: Dragnet is considered a pioneer of PDF feed of Interpreter: A Journal of Latter-day Saint Faith and Scholarship PDF feed of Interpreter: A Journal of Latter-day Saint Faith and Scholarship The Interpreter Foundation is a nonprofit educational organization focused on the scriptures of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Book of Mormon, the Pearl of Great Price, the Bible, and the Doctrine and Covenants), early LDS history, and related subjects. All publications in its journal, Interpreter: A Journal of Latter-day Saint Faith and Scholarship, are peer-reviewed and made available as free internet downloads or through at-cost print-on-demand services. Other posts on the website are not necessarily peer-reviewed, but are approved by Interpreter’s Executive Board.Our goal is to increase understanding of scripture through careful scholarly investigation and analysis of the insights provided by a wide range of ancillary disciplines, including language, history, archaeology, literature, culture, ethnohistory, art, geography, law, politics, philosophy, statistics, etc. Interpreter will also publish articles advocating the authenticity and historicity

Frequently Asked Questions

How long is this episode of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity?

This episode is 27 minutes long.

When was this Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity episode published?

This episode was published on May 8, 2026.

What is this episode about?

Can I download this Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity episode?

Yes, you can download this episode by clicking the download button on the episode player, or subscribe to the podcast in your preferred podcast app for automatic downloads.

URL copied to clipboard!