The Function of Avoiding Praise

In this episode of Teaching Autism and Special Education with Nikki, we’re unpacking something that can feel surprisingly personal as educators and parents. Why do some students avoid praise? Why do they shrug off encouragement, get silly, look away, minimize their work, or even become dysregulated right after being complimented? We explore how praise is not always experienced as positive or motivating, especially for autistic students and learners who experience high levels of anxiety, masking, social pressure, or nervous system overwhelm. We dive into the hidden demands that can come with praise, including processing social interaction, managing eye contact, interpreting tone, responding verbally, and coping with the sudden feeling of being “seen.” I also talk about how praise can accidentally increase pressure for some students, particularly those who are perfectionistic, highly masked, or used to praise being linked to compliance and expectations. Sometimes avoiding praise is not rejection of kindness at all. It is a way of reducing social load, avoiding the spotlight, or protecting nervous system safety. This episode is full of gentle, practical shifts to help you encourage students in ways that feel regulating rather than overwhelming. We discuss low intensity acknowledgment, private praise, reducing social demand, and why process-based feedback often works better than big emotional praise. Instead of asking, “Why are they being ungrateful?” this episode encourages us to ask, “What about this moment feels unsafe for them?” That small shift can completely change the way we support our students.