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Ready when you are. Ready. I'll be ready for like... Rob, not recording.
Okay. Three. Oh, I'm on camera. My...
Three. Two. Everything. Just a T-Man.
Hey! My mother's in there! He's a T-Man! No.
Probably a very nice lady. I love... Yes. Yes.
Hey, no. Welcome to the show. Liquid Death. Gah.
T. And it doesn't suck. And I just found that right now. Liquid Death.
T. Rest in peach. Ah! I see what they did there.
Because liquid death. And then, resting peach. Because peach, flavor, T. You idiot.
That one seems a little taller than mine. Is that a taller- Yeah, look, these are the new ones. They first they had the water, the white, one, that's water. Then they have the black with the bubbles.
You give them the gen pop water? I don't get no tea, bro. Do you want a tea? Yeah, that sounds nice.
Katie, can you get him a tea? You can kill me. You can kill me. Oh, God.
Is this me? Is that optical illusion? That is taller. I knew it.
Yeah, because this is tea. It's, I can't wait. That's a tall drinker. Of tea.
As the saying goes, I'm a cup of tea. You know the tall cup of tea? Yeah, that's right. Craig, welcome to the show.
Can I say if you were? If you were him. Yeah, which one do you want to have multiple teas? Help yourself.
Have all the teas. Oh, TP. Tea that live in crap out yourself, Craig. They're actually really good.
I'm really happy with my... What are the flavors? Is it an aimless Palmer and Grim Leifer? Is it Peach or strawberry?
I don't know what Grim means. It can't be Peach because Reston Peach is this one. Yeah, armless Palmer is going to be classic. OK, I can't even aim.
I get to play on what I'm back. I was discombobulated. I was laying down outside. Well, let's get to that.
I'm new friends with Craig. Obviously he's a comedian, podcaster. And to me, in my small journey of comedy is probably the most... Might be a little bit insulting, but by far the greatest comedian I've never heard of.
Because I don't know anybody. I'm not in the scene. So I just show up at Ha Ha and this guy goes up and I'm like, Oh, I remember the day because I drove home kind of sad because I was like, Oh, that's what it's like. Because I was wondering, what shouldn't take me very long to be successful in this game?
Nobody's that great. And then you showed up and I was like, Wait, does he have a helicopter or a private jet? And someone was like, not? And I'm like, but he's one of the funniest people I've ever seen.
Quick! Like, you've got a real gift, dude. Like a real one. That's coming from Namachia.
But still, I think I know that the good guys are worthy of their goodness. I don't know. I've seen compliments recently, instead of saying thank you rather than dismissed them. Right.
It's good. Just because I have to, people are going to check him out. That's my opinion of it. But I don't know him that well.
We've done a couple of shows together. And I know he's coming on the show. I'm excited to have him on the show. And my wife says, somebody is on the front lawn.
And the front lawn is a gate. Like you have to go on the gate to come in. And there's a guy in the starfish position on the front lawn. And I'm like, I'm a hippie, dar.
Who is that? I just needed a laydown. Wait, just let me get them blades of grass. Real quick.
What were you doing? That's the secret to how I'm funny. I just lay on the soil. Really?
I don't even write. God gives it to me. So I'm going to start doing that. It's got to rub your nub and the minerals.
Do you lie in the cross a lot? I try to. I did that for many different reasons. First of all, I'm a hippie.
But now there's science documenting behind it. And there's, I'm going to ruin this, by the way. Look at me. My explanation is not going to be on point.
But this old dude put like electrical tape on his bed and ran a wire from the earth to his bed because he heard that grounding. The earth gives off a pulse. Yep. Electromagnetic pulse where electromagnetic means.
Okay. So the home he was laying on the soil and he was helping him with his inflammation and weeknies or whatever. Yeah. So he's a little engineer and he made a little rig.
So he slept on a bed that was connected to the pulse of the earth. And then all of a sudden all of his ailments started going away. And then he ran a study, Ghetto bootleg style that mainstream science will dismiss. And then so he did this study and then like 60 for 60 of the old dudes, all their ailments went down.
Now, whether you believe that or not the earth just will give you energy, you know, whether you studied or not. So I was tired because I got these two new kittens. One did my nephew injured one. It's a long story.
We'll get into that later. Anyways, I have four cats and I had two. My sister had kittens, her children injured them. So I haven't, you know, I'm waking up by kittens.
I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm doing coffee. Wasn't working.
So I was like, I'm going to lay on your soil real quick. It's some energy. It worked. No, no, but Arnold Palmless over here.
Yeah. Whatever it is. I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just gonna. Is it going to help?
Maybe I should talk about changing the name. I know that's weird stuff, but do you know, just go lay on the soil. See how you feel afterwards. Yeah.
I remember somebody saying that they always did that. They took their shoes off and they walked in the park before a skateboard contest. I can't remember who it was, but that was the first person I ever heard say that. And I remember thinking, because he sucked.
So I didn't want to copy it. Yeah, you know, I was like, I used to suck. If it was someone who I thought I'd be done. That person have or ever developed like a substance abuse issue.
I don't think so. He was super straight. Okay. Okay.
Because it's either going to be, yeah, that got arrested for dealing meth two years later, or that was a straight. You know, I got busted for meth, bro. Hey, didn't you're a junkie that right? Yeah, big time.
No, I got raided, but it wasn't for me as crazy as that sounds. You were living with someone else that was the back house. I was the back house. Oh, man.
Oh, man. So they both voted. But not they were trying to get him to go away for life. Okay.
And then we're trying to take in firecracker weed, man. Right. Right. Let's get to that.
I don't think they're after old Jay. Hey, man. Yeah. I'm just talking.
We've broken the alone. Yeah. Don't start. Kick the habit.
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The guy right in me, I went to high school with and I played little league with and he has a gun pointed at me and I'm just like, you know, like Chris. Do you have a mask on? No. No, this is 10 years.
Does no mask. No, did he have like, was he disguised? No, no, no. There's no cartel.
Face to face. He was like, I'm your friend. I was like, no, I know. He was just like, Craig.
He's a police officer. Oh, okay. Sorry. We went down different paths.
He became a cop and I was a little druggy kid living in a backhouse behind two striker a gangster in Culver City by the projects. Got it. It's a nice area, but there's this little area where it's a little hairy. There's actually a trailer park in Culver City.
Yeah, this trailer park and projects. Anyways, I live behind a gangster and they were raiding him and I got raided by default and the guy at my door to my little back house garage makeshift apartment was the guy I knew since I was 12 years old. And then what did he say? I just said, like, help me.
And he's like, I will. And then he hand-cuffed me. That's the bit, but he did put him on loose because I was cuffed up three times prior. And, you know, they cranked him on and caused a little nerve damage.
And he kept saying like they weren't there for me. And I was like, I got weed and I got fire. He's like, stop telling me this. And it's in it.
And yeah, they let me go because they weren't there for me. Yeah, they don't raid houses for a couple of M80s. No, but I was so scared. And that's the whole bit.
I feel weird telling it, but it's a true story that really happened. And it was just the wildest of my life. Like, I was like, we play catch for a decade, bro. Do you think that he was surprised that you would turn out that way?
No. I mean, he would surprise the Seamie, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he, you know, I did drugs and I just go with some kids.
Yeah. Most likely to get raided. Yeah, I wasn't on that list. But maybe not.
No, I was. I was friendly. I like mischief. Right.
I like firecrackers and drugs, but not evil, you know, violence and all that. What firecrackers? My daddy just kind of gave them to me when I was five. And you've always been into them since I went with it.
Are you still into them? Yeah, I got a stash. Yeah. And it's California.
There's like some lawyer you can't have them or something still? Which also makes you want to have them. Yeah. Right.
It does. Can I like be a bit of abandoned? Yeah. Can I interject and stereotype a little bit?
You are half Mexican. Yeah. People don't realize what a strong Mexican firecracker culture we have if you don't live here. It really is.
It's a thing. I would like to put them on the firecrackers. What is your life? My neighborhood is a month long holiday.
Probably three, for being real honest before, in the month after. Oh, yeah. New Year's birthdays. Kingston years.
Sounds fun. It is fun. I wish my friends would let a firecrackers at parties. I'll give you some really.
That'd be cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I would be stoked to just be like, you're freaking out.
Hey, I got a firecracker. It's a little grand finale for now and a little more to box. I got a whole year whose a hurting. I got a flames thrower for four.
That's true. Fores fires. Hey, well, that's crazy. You can bring some fireworks over here.
shoot the flamethrower at the fireworks. We'll have a party, son. Isn't it crazy that the flamethrower is legal and my firecrackers are illegal? Yes, that's ridiculous.
I agree. Yeah, this is the same. My one is apparently made in a way where it's legal, but then it's kind of like e-bikes where if you look, there's a cop could bust you for it if you wanted to. Yeah, because it's like this weird, or the Nevada's different in here, and this one doesn't have a, I don't know what it is, but I feel like if they wanted to, they'd wreck you regardless.
A flamethrower, not so well. I love it. That was very fortunate, some friend of mine that makes custom weapons, dark alliance firearms, said, hey man, would you want to flamethrower? I'm like, what do you, yes.
Yeah, of course I want to flamethrow. You don't need to ask me that. Where do I get it? And he's like, I'll send it, and it's all custom.
He's like improv, yes, and how many free refills do I get? Give me more. It's pretty cool though. Now that I have a backyard, because the last house I had a, I tried to use it, and it was a really small backyard, and it was surrounded and dried out bamboo.
See, now that's bad. Yeah, I tried it, when it worked, I accidentally said, fine, I bad. Just a little bit of it. Set the house next door with the burned down garage.
No, that's not bad. That's him. I didn't do that. I had nothing to do with it.
I did it. I'm not a bad neighbor. I'm not a bad to be, though. I know we're in Southern California.
I didn't start any forest fire. I live in the city. It's awesome, man. It was no problem.
Dude, I'm tired. I ain't one of them. So you got a lot of cats. You like cats.
Do you like dogs? I love dogs. I don't know if you saw him, but I interviewed the undertaker the other day, and the undertaker said he likes dogs, and he would pat a puppy, but he would not pat a kitten. He's the undertaker.
What are you afraid of? You're seven foot nine. I should have said that. He's got a reputation uphold.
He told me that you like around the grave. He's not a picker. He's like floral. Oh, he said, yeah, but that's a funeral thing.
What? A funeral? Yeah, I know that you never get as many flowers as you do when you die. Yeah, but it's still pretty good.
Yeah, but it's floral shirt. It's pretty good. It's floral shirt. Like floral, floral, floral.
No, no, he likes floral shirts. He said he likes big, colorful floral shirts to wear when he goes on vacation with his wife. So he was like a triple XL weirdo. He was admitting that he does get down with fruity stuff, but he was definitely, I don't think he was faking it.
He was afraid of cats. What is that? I don't know. They're like my best friends.
They're so awesome. I'm so down with everything the cats think. I started off with one and then my lady, my ex-lady, she brought another one in and then my niece and nephew are like Elmira, hug them and squeeze them and get into it. And they broke one of them's legs and now I got four.
They're two kids. Two kids? Two kids and child. You got an nephew of my son, man, DeCad?
Yep. And now I got a Nerf in the blue kit and I'm like, oh man, I didn't sign up for four, but here we are. It's fun though. It's so cute.
That's gonna say, we've had a really rough time with one of ours. He's got a heart condition and he keeps going to a hospital and having seizures and all these medicines and money and I don't know how much longer he's gonna live. It's heartbreaking, but he's good right now, so that's cool. We'll give him a little mushrooms and CBD on the soil.
I wonder. I mean, if he licks me and I feel good to mushrooms, yeah. They're really good for the brain. They make me like, I'm gonna throw a tough time.
It kind of gets me in a positive mindset. When I go dark, I have to eat some. Yeah, me too. But have you eaten them every day and then you end up crying in the closet?
Yeah. But you know what I mean? That sounds like I've gone too far. As a sober guy, you eat mushrooms every day?
No, I mean, yes and no. My buddy said that line I jacked it from because he said, you can't microdose every day. He's like, I ended up crying in my closet and I did some research and he's like, it's every other day. He's got it.
So I haven't tripped balls in nine and a half years. I'm nine and a half years off narcotics and alcohol, even though I don't think mushrooms is count. But I, of course, I'm a little fiend here and I'll be like, oh, this makes me happy. So then I did it every day and then I'm crying out of airport and that's a true story.
And I'm just like, why? Why? And then my buddy told me that and then you Google and you're like, oh, every other day. So yes and no, I was eating them every day because it made me happy and then I want to repeat as the fiend does.
And then you just like, why am I crying over all things? But in a different way, instead of sad, like too pretty, like, oh, that tree's too pretty, you know, as opposed to like, I hate myself. So at least it's, but no, I do not eat them every day anymore. And that's actually another battle because it's not eating them every day.
Yeah, because they do make happy within anything in excess. And it's like, I don't know, man, if you don't, look, I feel like if you cry because you saw something pretty, then it's time to lay off for a couple of days. Exactly. Well, days later, and you're fine.
Yeah. And the research at Google, it's every other day or three days on, three days off. You're not, it stirs up too much, whatever it does. No, whoops.
I actually thought the classic fructose was one on two off. That was how it was when I did it. That's the way I did it. Cause that's what I was told is how you're supposed to do it.
I don't know. I'll just be honest, I'm not even micro-dosing. Yeah. I'm not tripping like, whoa, dude.
I just do it enough where I feel like I'm a little bit up, a little bit wide and creative. And then I feel like a bit of a warm fuzzy thing if I do too much. Yeah. And then I feel like I'm staying up where you say you like to do drugs in a way.
What is it where you... Yeah. What am I saying? Oh, that's my problem.
Like I don't like regular high. Right. I like, oh no. And I feel like, what have I done?
When you first said that, I was like, damn it. I kind of feel like that's always been my thing where I'm like, man, this feels pretty good. What if I did 10 of them? And then I'm like, oh no.
And then is that the last time that happens? No. Every day. And I'm like, why are you doing it again?
They're in lies. That's also, they're in lies the problem. I'm trying to do drugs because I feel like there's a time there where I was doing a lot where other people around me were scared for me. And I grew out of it.
I fought it and eventually kicked the narcotics. Like doing heavy stuff where I could have a heart attack and all that kind of stuff. So to me, it was being so messed up in the first place that taking all that stuff felt good because I think the difference is kids that have a lot of issues, when you take those drugs and it takes you away from you, some people don't like that because they like you. I didn't grow up liking me.
So when I took those drugs and it made me go away, I was pumped. It felt good to just not even be there. Just constantly seeking validation through opioids or speed or whatever because you're bad. But then when you kick it down to I do weed in mushrooms, I don't drink.
I don't do any hard stuff. I guess if I broke my leg or whatever, I would do painkillers, but I wouldn't do them in a way that was irresponsible. I wouldn't be like, oh, man, I'm all out. And I'm asking the doctor and he's like, dude, I gave you two weeks.
Because I love them. You know what I mean? You can't do them at all now, man. Because you were.
I was on them. You were a decade. No, I never went that far. We chased on the dragon.
Yeah, I smoked it. I didn't like that. I knew it would be serious. Right.
But some of my buddies, I always say this analogy. Like I was dumb enough to go on the deep end of drugs, but I held onto the side of the pool. Because I knew I knew death. You see it.
I see it in my family and friends and all that jazz and you like I just felt bad because my buddies would start shooting up and you just see them, you know? There goes? Me too. I was like, Nah.
I'm holding on. You right. I pulled myself out and then did like ghetto rehab just like alcohol and weed. Yeah.
And then I weaned. I weaned off narcotics which just cases the wine and ounces of weed. Yep. drink for like, you know, a long time.
And then you got messy so many times you were like, yeah, I can't do shit. And then I was 100% sober until I started smoking weed halfway through the pandemic. And then weed came in and I've been quitting that. Did you think that you were going to use again?
And that's why you did the weed? Yes, 100%. So it wasn't to keep me at bay. I have a friend that was really gone on the painkillers.
Like really, and he was one of the greatest skateboarders that has ever lived. And one of the most organized business guys, I looked up to him at every angle for that stuff. And then he turned to a pile of just nothing. And I was like, out of all people, you were the last one.
And now he smokes weed. I think he struggles off and on with it. Every time he does it, I don't flinch at all. Like, okay, roll another one.
Yeah. Smack them all day, dude, because you're still here. Yeah. You were doing the other stuff you weren't here.
So is it would be better if you didn't do anything at all? Yeah, I agree. It would. But sometimes.
Yes, I completely agree. It's a gray area. Like everyone gets, I talk about so much on my podcast because I try to. What's your podcast called?
Community Service. And that's because like, that's the whole point of me in my life to show the knuckleheads like you could get out. Yes, it's basically, yeah. Hold on to the fuck.
There, no one thinks it can get out. And I don't care. I say it. Like if you slam heroin, then switch to Dabs.
Like whatever will keep you on the planet longer. Obviously complete sobriety. I do believe his best. But it's not always so, no cussing.
No, it's so easy. You know? And so you just do what you got to do to survive. I'm strong enough now to where I like, okay, I don't need weed anymore.
So now I'm quitting weed. Okay. And I went like 36 days with someone gave me OJ Kush on the road. And I had a night off in between gigs and Avatar was playing.
You know, I was like, oh, come on man. This is my kryptonite. I don't feel like it's bad. No, it's not.
What's bad is that I just kept going. That's what I mean. Like I don't have no fault in that. But when it's just my relationship with it.
If it's all day every day, I'm like, what are you doing, dog? If it's just for Avatar, that's fine. Me too. I know.
I got a skate. I try to do less before I skate or sometimes nothing in the whole morning. And here you go, man. I'm not doing it.
Sorry, I'm going to do session. I got a sad way. I know. I know.
We're here, man. We're here. But we're here. And we're doing the best we can.
We're Avatar. I got a lot of people. Everybody that knew us from back then, that's amazing. But now you're.
You're a gun enthusiast as well. I love guns. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that.
You good at it? Like do you go to the range? I mean, actually I'm pretty good. I'm taking like two trainings and I've been, I don't know, not a lot, but you know, more than most, maybe like 20, 30 times to the gun range, but not like I practice.
Like all the time. No, but I'm really good shot with longer barrel hand guns or rifles. I grew up with BB gun and all that jazz. Do you have a hunt?
No, but I could, you know, you want me to eat it? Yeah. I fished a lot when I was a kid. My dad's a fisherman.
No, deep, see fishing. You want it? I did when I was a kid and then when I got older, I started to feel bad about killing people. I don't know what happened, but I think it was, I was probably about 27 and then I went back to Australia and went hunting with my brothers because that's what we did.
And we would shoot rabbits and got up early and I kept a couple and I got one right as he was jumping in the hole and I reached in and pulled him out and he was not old. He was like young and I just, it reminded me of my, I had a park back in America and it reminded me of my park and I was like, dude, it's pretty. My ex had it on video because I was walking up the driveway and she's filming. She's like, what'd you get?
I was like, I'll wrap it. And she was like, what's wrong with him? I don't think I want to kill anybody anymore. It's not the same.
Like when I was younger, I said shoot wild boar and like kangaroos and everybody. I'll shoot anything when I was a kid. And now I'm like, I'd rather shoot a target because I got me like a steak classy meat sensor and you grass fed meat every month. Yeah.
So why are you shooting that? Why are you shooting that rabbit? I'm doing it. And I ate it.
And it was not good. You know, I was like, you're basically just going out there and murdering nature. And if you want to and you go hunting deer and all that, I have not, I don't want anyone to think that I'm against it. It's not for me.
I get a little weird. I'm not opposed to doing it. If someone was like, hey, man, we're all going, you know, we're all camping in the woods or whatever. Yeah, I would check that out.
I was just gonna say I could if it was like to feed my family. I like that. Like that's different. But if I could get it at the store, I'm like, that's I don't have to live with that on my heart.
Have you ever seen the movie powder? Yeah. Remember when the guy shoots the deer and the patter touches even touches the guy shot him? That got me, man.
That's like, yeah, that's got a point, dude. The generations, the generations, Bambi. That deer was really scared, man. We could live off the scale.
We could live sustainably off the land and not kill, but you know, that's not good. Where kill is. It has a lot of kills. Yeah.
There's a super pig. Oh, good. I think even more super than the super pigs that have been on the loose in Texas for some time now, incredibly intelligent, highly elusive Canadian super pigs are infiltrating Northern America. What do you mean elusive?
Like they wear camouflage? And it's because they don't have guns and that's why the citizen. That's right. And no chance against them.
That's right. No, no, no. Can't have tried negotiating with the pigs. They threw all the loonies and tundies out of it and it's still in book.
Well, they like they can borrow into snow and stuff. They got tougher living in Canada. Oh, wow. They can live.
They make little equals. Yes. But golly, highly intelligent. Wow.
Yeah. Does that mean? They taste good or bad? No, they taste good or bad.
And they won't get their booster shot. Right. That's the worst thing about a big man. They didn't wear mask one time.
He's doing their own research. Yeah. They're picking up the Facebook theme in the mushrooms and truffles. I'm the voice in that's the pig.
I like truffles and I don't win this guy stuff. I get that. Sometimes they never are. That's what it's tough.
There's actually other animal news. Good. Because we need more animal news. I don't understand this at all.
They finally captured an alligator with its mouth taped shut. They spotted it in like December. And I think what happened is somebody had tried to capture it. Somebody had to remove the alligator.
And so they taped up the snow, but then they didn't get it and he got away. And ever since then it's been like spotted here and there. He like sucking food up. He's like, right.
Two questions. How has he lived? How long have we are we talking about? I think at least two months.
I think it's five anything. He's right. They're the ones that can like hibernate. They can freeze and come in.
They can survive in water. That is just staff infected water. That will kill any animal that touches it. They can be frozen.
And they're going to survive. They freaking walk off. Yeah. Here's my other question.
I think this best the commercial where the guy tapes like so is the boat and half and then tapes it back together. And then they can hold a drop of his mouth for months in the water. It's hydroxy seal tape. They make it real grip.
Yeah, they make that too. I used to use it. It's not that good. But it looks like maybe it's better than I thought.
Oh poor baby. If you try to use that stuff to take down MMA mats, not that good. But if you want to shut an alligator up, both your uncle. Very good.
Look at that. So they got him and they ripped it off and then they gave him some meat. Yeah, they're bringing it to some. It's a she actually.
Sorry about that. Because I'm alligator. Yeah, no, your history. Sings you.
Yeah, my bad. They're like, look at them. Whatever they want to be, I'll respect it. See, you feel bad for the alligator.
But is wearing a mask as well or is that just? He's afraid he doesn't want the booster. He's got to wear the mask. It's like a lucha door.
It's like a lucha door. Oh, isn't it? Matador. They're two different things.
Okay. What's a lucha door? It's a restaurant. You're sure you're half Mexican?
Yeah, I'm white. So they beat it out of my grandpa. You want white. What?
They lose your door. That's the Mexican wrestlers. Yeah. I was gonna say that sounds like a Mexican wrestler.
I was like, okay, not really break. That's them. You're on the right track now. I am my am.
You're losing a lot of fireworks. That's fine. I got him in my car, along with my pistol. What's up fool?
You said you said I got him right now, too. We could shoot it up. Oh yeah. What you got?
I got a lot. Nice. Oh, we'll play with them after the show. I got nines and 40s.
What do you got, Kitty? You got a bunch of guns, too. I got guns for the kids. That's so amazing.
I just went to buy two more and they wouldn't let me because I don't have my real ID. You can't take a bootleg. Why don't you have a real ID? Because you got to have turned in extra paperwork.
You got to have a great or you're lying and you're just lazy. I'm lazy. You have a driver's license? Yeah, but it has to be the real one.
The DOJ just passed a new stupid law. Oh, yeah, yeah. I got it. It's at one point because I already had the guns but I could no longer get the ammo with my old license.
Yes. That thing. So I know it sounds like a play on words but it's a thing. No, it has a hologram.