The Girl With the Dragon Dildo Collection

Tim pops in with a quick update: today’s Sideshow-exclusive episode is running a little behind schedule, so this morning you’re getting a Best Of — and for once, everyone gets to hear it. Sideshow freaks, don’t panic: your new episode will still hit later this afternoon. Friday’s show should drop at the normal time… assuming Tim doesn’t fall apart again.Meanwhile, DV has “music” on Spotify and Apple Music. Yes, really. From sappy torch songs to country-ballad covers about riding a face with a big prick, Tim wants YOU to send these bizarre creations up the charts. Even Tainted Broth’s heavy-metal version of “I Don’t Know (If I Need You)” is out there now if you want to ruin your algorithm.Today’s Best Of takes us back to December 30, 2013, showcasing one of DV’s most memorable interviews ever:A 19-year-old virgin who only gets off with Bad Dragon-style monster dildos. We’re talking shark dicks, werewolf cocks, dragons, tentacles, and a cum-tube “Chance” model that spews jizz like a busted caulk gun. She’s deeply into texture, size, and—apparently—shoving an orca inside herself. Oh, and she’s asexual. And clinically depressed. So yes, a perfect Distorted View listener.Also in the 2013 episode:Chopping up baby penises: A rabbi faces claims he accidentally severed a newborn’s entire dick during a circumcision.Poop-based Christmas cheer: A Michigan man smears feces on a church door and then masturbates on the steps.The world’s largest ass: A woman whose butt measures seven feet around struggles to fit through doors, pays $500/month for clothes, and proudly models thongs for online “big booty diva” fans.Smoking PSA from a tattooed barber: The best barber in the world (self-titled) declares kids should start smoking immediately and that beaches are “just big ashtrays.”Voicemails from the freaks: Corn-eaters, escorts with trauma, Clown Chew’s culinary turd adventures, and a guy who only calls Tim “faggot” despite once sounding completely normal.Plus the usual DV flavor: depression, monster vaginas, fake cum geysers, morbid obesity rants, public masturbation, circumcision mishaps, and emotional damage baked right into the listener base.If you’re not a Sideshow member, consider joining: thousands of archived shows and exclusive episodes every week. And don’t forget the DV Store—beanies, shirts, stickers, shot glasses, and more for freaks who want to look slightly worse in public.