The Hidden Harm of Toxic Forgiveness Culture, with Catherine MacDonald-Robertson

There’s a particular kind of cultural pressure that rarely gets named directly.You see it in therapy language, in wellness podcasts, in spiritual circles, and sometimes even in casual conversations with friends.“Just forgive.”“Let it go.”“You’ll feel better if you move on.”“Forgiveness is for your own peace.”At first glance, those ideas sound compassionate. Forgiveness can absolutely be powerful. For some people, it’s part of healing.But there’s another side to the story—one that often gets ignored.Because when forgiveness becomes a moral obligation instead of a personal choice, it stops being healing. It becomes pressure.And that’s where things start to get complicated.Today on The Grey Area Unfiltered, we’re diving into something many people wrestle with quietly: toxic forgiveness culture.This is the expectation—often unspoken but deeply felt—that people who were harmed should eventually forgive the person who hurt them. Not because they genuinely want to, but because society tells them it’s the “healthy” or “spiritual” thing to do.The problem is simple.Real harm doesn’t disappear just because someone says the word forgive.For people who endured abuse, betrayal, or sustained bullying, forgiveness can feel less like healing and more like being asked to erase the truth of what happened.Sometimes forgiveness comes naturally with time. Or, sometimes it doesn’t.And sometimes, this is the uncomfortable part, withholding forgiveness is the boundary that protects someone’s sanity. That tension is exactly what we explore in this episode.A Conversation With Catherine MacDonald-RobertsonTo help unpack the spiritual and psychological layers of forgiveness culture, I’m joined by someone whose work sits at the intersection of intuition, honesty, and grounded spiritual practice.Catherine MacDonald-Robertson is an established and respected Spiritualist Medium and Psychic Advisor based in St. Catharines, Ontario.Her path into Spiritualism began early. At sixteen, she first became involved with the tradition, and by her early twenties—while completing her undergraduate studies at the University of Toronto—she knew the spiritual path would be central to her life.Catherine began formal training in mediumship and psychic development at twenty-five. By 1996 she was already volunteering as both a healer and a medium within spiritualist churches.Since 2006, she has offered professional psychic and mediumship readings, known for their accuracy, integrity, and grounded approach. Her work emphasizes ethical practice, clear guidance, and respect for the emotional realities people bring into a reading.She lives in St. Catharines with her husband, Jeffrey, and their miniature Schnauzer, Bedelia—who, from what I’m told, keeps a close supervisory eye on all spiritual matters from home.What makes Catherine particularly valuable for this conversation is her perspective.Spirituality is often the place where forgiveness language gets amplified the most. Yet Catherine approaches spiritual work with nuance—recognizing that healing is rarely as simple as repeating a mantra or forcing closure before someone is ready.And that nuance matters. Because spiritual insight, when it’s healthy, should expand our understanding of human experience—not erase its complexity.The Problem With “Forgive and Forget”The phrase may seem harmless at first glance. However, when we slow down and examine it, the logic begins to unravel. “Forgive and forget.” If the harm was serious enough to change someone’s life, forgetting it isn’t wisdom; it’s denial. Memory serves as a protective mechanism for the human brain. It is our nervous system’s way of signaling that the experience mattered. The idea that someone must forgive in order to heal carries another subtle implication: that feelings of anger, grief, or resentment are signs of emotional failure. Yet, emotions are not moral flaws; they are vital information. Sometimes, anger arises because a genuinely unjust act occurred. Other times, resentment is simply the mind’s refusal to alter history to make others feel comfortable. Healing (I don’t like that word but I will use it anyway) can mean creating a life that no longer revolves around the person who caused the harm—without the necessity of declaring forgiveness.The Grey AreaHuman psychology craves tidy endings.The villain apologizes.The victim forgives.Everyone grows.However, reality rarely follows that script. Some people apologize sincerely, while others never acknowledge their actions.Some relationships heal over time, but others remain broken. That brokenness can become the boundary that allows someone to move forward. Most people actually live in the gray area—the space between revenge and forced forgiveness.It’s the place where someone can say: “I’m moving forward with my life, but that doesn’t mean I owe you absolution.”Surprisingly, that gray area can be far healthier than the neat narratives we are often told to follow.When Forgiveness Is GenuineTo clarify, forgiveness itself isn’t the enemy; for many individuals, it holds deep significance. However, authentic forgiveness possesses certain qualities that forced forgiveness lacks. It occurs organically, rather than being coerced. It does not erase accountability, nor does it require reconciliation. Most importantly, it originates from the person who was harmed rather than from external pressure. When forgiveness arises naturally, it can be transformative. In contrast, when it is imposed, it adds another layer of harm.Why This Conversation MattersIn recent years, conversations about mental health have become more prominent, which is a positive development. However, some of the language surrounding “healing” has subtly transformed into moral guidelines. You hear things like:“You must release your anger.”“You must forgive.”“You must move on.”Yet, true moving forward is not a checklist. It’s a process that unfolds differently for each individual.Today’s conversation with Catherine delves into the intersection of spirituality, personal boundaries, and the uncomfortable truth that sometimes, not forgiving is a way to protect yourself. And that doesn’t make someone bitter; it makes them honest.If you’d like to learn more about Catherine’s work, you can find her here:Website: https://spiritualcat.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/CatherineMacDonaldPsychicStay tuned for new episodes on The Grey Area Unfiltered, Tuesdays at noon ET.Thanks for reading The Grey Area Unfiltered! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thegreyareaunfiltered.substack.com