The Hilarious Truth About Why Your New Year's Resolutions Will Fail (Again!)

Welcome to the comedy roast of New Year’s resolutions—the little lies we all tell ourselves before scarfing down pastelitos and ghosting the gym by mid-January. In this episode, we’re spilling the tea on why most resolutions fail harder than a drunk text to your ex. From six-pack dreams to learning four languages when you barely know how to spell “gunna,” we’re breaking down the most ridiculous, over-the-top, and just plain doomed resolutions. Oh, and we’re reading your hilarious submissions—yes, we’re all in this mess together. Stick around for some laughs, questionable advice, and a solid reason to stop pretending you’re cutting carbs in Miami. (Spoiler alert: Croquetas and pan de bono would never betray you like that.) Plus, find out how to join us for live comedy shows that are guaranteed to bring the laughs—no gym memberships or 5 AM alarms required! Chapters: (00:00) The Flan-Filled Introduction to Resolutions (00:18) Why Resolutions Are the Gym Memberships of Goals (01:16) The Most Commonly Failed Resolutions (Spoiler: It's Yours) (02:49) Listener Resolutions That Deserve Their Own Sitcom (04:26) Live Comedy, Final Thoughts & Croqueta Breaks Hit play and laugh your way into 2025—terrible resolutions and all. 🎉 Join the Miami Comedy monthly membership for guaranteed seating, BOGO drinks, and much more! https://miamicomedy.com/membership Follow us for all things Miami Comedy! (Live comedy shows, podcasts, livestreams, memes, and more...) Live Comedy Shows ⮕ https://miamicomedy.com Instagram ⮕ https://instagram.com/miamicomedy Facebook group ⮕ https://miamicomedy.com/group Facebook ⮕ https://facebook.com/miamicomedydotcom Twitch ⮕ https://www.twitch.tv/miamicomedy Twitter ⮕ https://twitter.com/miamicomedycom Tik Tok ⮕ https://www.tiktok.com/@miamicomedy Merch ⮕ https://shop.miamicomedy.com