The internet isn’t a playground - so why do we treat it like one?

We spend years teaching our children how to cross the road safely. Hold my hand. Look both ways. Stay alert. Don’t assume the traffic will behave.But when it comes to the internet - a place far more persuasive, complex and psychologically powerful than any road - we often hand them a phone and simply hope for the best.A parent once told me, “I trust my daughter online.” And I understood what she meant. She trusted her daughter’s intentions, her kindness, her judgement. But the real problem isn’t our children. The problem is the environment they are entering. Digital spaces have been designed by some of the smartest behavioural scientists in the world to keep us scrolling, clicking, reacting and staying - not resting, not thinking, not stepping away.One girl in my group told me she stayed up all night watching short videos. Not because she wanted to, but because she “couldn’t find the end.” That has stayed with me: she couldn’t find the end. And honestly, many of us adults know that feeling too.So yes, we need conversations about helping children use technology wisely. But we also need to be honest that safety cannot rest only on children learning better habits or parents setting tighter rules. Just as roads are made safer through laws, design and accountability, our digital spaces also need regulation, responsibility and financial incentives for companies to design for wellbeing, not just engagement.In the meantime, our role as adults is not to become tech police. It is to walk alongside our children as they learn to develop what I call digital instincts - the ability to notice when something online is pulling on their attention, when comparison begins to hurt, or when they stop feeling like themselves. Those instincts grow through open, curious conversations, not lectures.When children know they can talk to us about what they are seeing - even the things they wish they hadn’t seen - they don’t have to navigate the digital world alone. And that might be one of the most protective things we can offer.If this is a conversation you want to think about more deeply, I’ve written an article on the Rites for Girls blog exploring it further.Thank you for pausing with me. Take care. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kimmccabe.substack.com/subscribe