The Land Before Time (and Logic)

The Jurassic era, 65 million years BCE. There are no humans, no language, and no reason whatsoever to attempt diplomacy with a T-Rex. Tan's doing it anyway. As "Tanimus Maximus," he's arrived with a plan to befriend the dinosaurs, arm them with wooden helmets, and teach them the cultural rewards of song and dance. The mammal revolution starts here. PastMaster's parameters get pushed to breaking point. Tan's strategy for prehistoric dominance: control the water supply, divide the dinosaur population into good ones and evil ones, and use dog-training techniques on creatures that predate dogs by about 60 million years. His endgame is to become "Dino Lord" and rule a prehistoric empire built on mutual respect, wooden armour, and choreography. The Game Master goes along with all of it. When pressed on how exactly a human communicated with dinosaurs, the answer is "clicks and whistles," delivered without a shred of embarrassment. The Jurassic and Cretaceous periods were ruled by creatures that made the planet's current apex predators look like hamsters. Crocodiles were once the dominant species before dinosaurs took over, and mammals hid in the shadows waiting their turn. Partly inspired by Steve Brusatte's The Rise and Fall of Dinosaurs, Tan's contribution to this 165-million-year power struggle is finger painting and a dance routine. Brusatte probably didn't envision his research being used this way. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Fiction | ~65m BCE | Hell Creek, United States Contains: Interspecies diplomacy, questionable choreography, and zero regard for the food chain. EPISODE LINKS Follow Tan's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 [email protected]