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V-A-Rail, love the way. We're going to discuss in the new year, and it runs from Thanksgiving until the end of Black Friday. It's a 48-hour poll on Thanksgiving Day. The results came with the post went out, and it was Wild Things.
It was Johnny... Oh my God, my brain is just blanking. Mnemonic. And it was 1994's The Mask.
And when I was going to bed on Black Friday, it was an even three-way tie, 33% for all three movies. So I made it quick at everybody and said, I think we need these votes. And boy, did I wake up in the morning to the tides, fully shifting. No kidding.
Team Mask really came out of the woodwork on Black Friday. My fucking wife voted for The Mask, and she didn't even watch it with me. So... So...
I want to talk about a few quick things, because this movie, I think that this is one of the most perfect, like, movies for us to do at the start of the year to kind of capture that horror movie essence, right? Because this movie is in that same realm of the pre-X-Men comic book adaptation movies. Yeah. Like on Patreon, we've talked about the Fanto, Men, the Shadow, and all of these other kind of like dark...
Of course. ...rooting what is... Yeah, the dark horse. Yeah, the dark horse.
Really, really good one. Good job. Well done. But also, on top of like that, syncing up with a lot of the Patreon stuff we've covered in the last year or two, this is from Chuck Russell.
Yeah. This is what Chuck Russell followed up Nightmare on Elm Street 3, The Dream Warriors, and The Blob with. Like, he made those two movies, took a six-year break, and came back to make the mess. Which talk about like cultural lexicon, right?
Like, Dream Warriors is huge in the horror lexicon, as is The Blob remake, probably not as big as part three of Nightmare, but still like, those are, you know, that's a name that we know, or move as, but like, just the impact alone, which I know you're going to get into, man. That this movie makes with him at the helm. And it's like, it's not like he's like pigeon-holed in there. Like, he has an idea of like, what he's doing.
It's not just, you know, he's not, I wouldn't call him an author. I like a lot of his movies. He's not an author, but he knows how to make a damn fun movie. Yeah, and this is the last truly great movie.
He made, I think his career kind of becomes a little bit patchier after that. But, I mean, the fact that he's coming from effects heavy horror films, like The Blob, and Dream Warriors really do help in this movie because like, while there is some CGI that's being utilized to like, make the mask who the mask is, there's also a lot of practical that's being like, it's utilized with the CGI at enhancing the practical. And it's like, of course you hire a director who's worked with crazy practical effects, like a giant pink blob melting people's flesh off, or Freddy Krueger's like, never ending supply of nightmare creative cartoonish murder. Like, in retrospect, yeah, this is the perfect person to make your mask movie.
And I gotta give credit where credit's due. Chuck Russell really championed what could have been a disaster. Alright, so this film is the acting debut of Cameron Diaz. She was a model with, yeah, model with no acting experience prior to filming.
And Jim Carrey, at this point in time, was a relatively unknown person. Unless you were watching Living Color. When they were filming this movie, they had just finished Ace of Intore Pet Detective. So like, they made this movie having no clue what like a moment was about to happen for his career.
So much so that New Line Cinema really wanted to fire both Diaz and Jim Carrey and bring in a bigger name for the movie. And Chuck Russell was the one that was like, I'm telling you, they're the right people for these parts, and let's just, let's just roll the dice. And this proved correct because this movie grossed $352 million against an 18 million dollar budget. Wow.
That's crazy. It was the fourth highest grossing film of the year behind True Lies, Forrest Gump, and The Lion King. Also 18, wait, the budget was 18 million? That also doesn't feel like that much money.
Like, there's a lot of set pieces, there's a lot of set pieces. There's crazy shit. I just didn't mention that Cameron Diaz very much. That had to be.
Yeah, this was very, this is why. This is why he's not for it in the next year or whatever. I was going to say, dumber, he got dumber in Cable Guy the next year, he got paid bank. This movie is also credited as helping as being helpful in launching the 90s swing revival.
And I completely forgot that when we did a Scroenut Zippers episode on One Hit Thunder. Because to me, I'm like, oh, it's the gap commercials to jump jive and whale, but this predates those commercials by a solid two years. Like, this was kind of like the first time I remember swing music being in a giant mainstream thing in this sense. Great work.
Also on Chuck Russell's, Side Forgetting The Only Really Good Song by Royal Crown Review It. That's the movie. Yeah. I bought the rest of that album and it is very fun.
Oh, yeah. I don't know. I was like, oh, I'm not going to get back in the college days. And I was like, nah.
But man, if we can talk for a second about the soundtrack, it is just, it's perfect. It was a perfect soundtrack. I had it on tape. I think I got it for this game out in 97.
That would have been my, I guess I would have gotten it for my 15th birthday. And man, it's just, it's wall to wall amazing. It's all bangers. Are we going to sound tracking?
Are you saying we should do a sound tracking for Patreon on this one? Yeah. Is this our sound tracking, Patreon for, or is this our sound tracking on the main feed right now? Yeah.
But I'll say that there's only one song that kind of eats shit a little bit compared to how good everything else is. And it's probably the song that Cameron Diaz sings. It's not even Cameron Diaz. But you know, she lip syncs it in the movie that, hey, baby, ain't I good to you song is like the only kind of stinker on it.
But like, I always forget. Yeah. I'm looking at this line up. This is pretty great.
Oh, it is. It is 12 fish bone. Yeah. Fucking fish bone.
Royal Crown Review, Brian Setzer, Envogue, right? They did that. Who's that man song, right? Is that Envogue?
It says, no, there's Tony, Tony, Tony. And the fact that that is put on the final, like, as the, that's the final song on the credits is kind of, I always forget that because I remember where every other song is in this movie. I cannot believe rewatching this. How much I was, I don't think I saw this movie that many times as a kid, but it must have been more than I remember because I could have probably quoted this shit like when I quote scream, you know, like it was, yeah, it's not good.
Like this is so, it was so much part of the zeitgeist and all this shit is so cringy now. But when you were 15 years old, oh man, this was just the height of humor. This was the film of the summer. Like I, this was my friends and I were walking around quoting this movie ad nauseam.
I think Dark Horse even released like a more movie appropriate version of the mask on comment, like comic book, like they toned it down for like kids who love the movie. It was, it was wild. So let's dive into the plot. And yeah, we didn't, you guys know how we do this.
I'm going to walk you guys to the plot and you interrupt if you have anything you need to say, there is a lot of moving pieces to this movie. So it takes place in edge city and we're following a bank teller named Stanley Epkiss who is frequently ridiculed by everyone except for his co-worker and friend Charlie. Meanwhile, the gangster Dorian plots to overthrow his boss, Nico, who owns the Coco Bongo nightclub. Dorian's girlfriend is a singer at the club named Tina who he sends into Stanley's bank in order to record the layout for future robbery.
Tina invites Stanley to come see her at the club, but he's a denied entrance and the loaner car that he has breaks down on his drive home, leaving him stuck on a bridge. He thinks he sees someone drowning in the water and jumps in to save him, only to find it to be a pile of garbage with a green wooden mask in it. That night he tries on the mask and is taken over by it. He becomes the trickster known as the mask who uses cartoon like logic and powers to get revenge on all of his tormentors, including the mechanics in his landlady.
During all of this, Nico learns of Dorian's plans and warns him to leave town or face his wrath. I used to be really scared of the mask transformation, like the mask taken over the face. The way his face starts to peel off of his skin into it. Every way that it attached itself to a face was a little bit different.
Every transition was just a little bit different, all equally horrifying. I also understood the texture to be wood, so then with it, I was thinking splinters and I just didn't, because this was 94, right? So I probably didn't see it until 97, maybe. Oh, this was 94, 97.
So 94, I would have been 12. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. Yeah. I was like 15.
No, no, no. Sorry. Next week is the one where I was 15. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was with the trailers or whatever for it, right? I was just, I was so petrified, but I did. I did have an action figure from this where it was his first suit with the sledgehammer.
The yellow suit. Like the first sort of suit. Oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the reddish one where he attacks the landlady. Thank you.
So I had, I came with a sledgehammer and it had like a little lever in the back that it's his eyes and his time would pop out. I was the same. I wonder if they just kind of like, now here's the question, Matt, you might know this. Do you, did they, is what, what toy company did the mask toys because the real ghostbuster toys, the egon toy did almost the exact same thing.
So I'm wondering if it's the same company. And it wasn't like a spring action. It was just, it was just like a, you know, you move the back and back and that's exactly the same way that the real ghostbuster stories worked. Yeah.
It had to have been, it had to have been. This also, I think I've talked about this fun fact before, but the following year in 1995, there were three Saturday morning cartoons all based on Jim Carrey properties wearing at the same time. There was a mass and a dumb and dumber cartoon series all airing at the same time. What do you think the dumbest one of these?
Probably dumb and dumb. The dumb and dumb was bad. The ace or one was pretty bad. The mess just kind of played out like a typical superhero cartoon.
It was even drawn more like closer to the Batman animated series style where like the ace or in the dumb and dumb were drawn very exaggerated. I think it's what the difference in Go East Ventura. There you go. Okay.
So Stanley wakes up the next morning to find detective Lieutenant Mitch Callaway and a newspaper reporter Peggy Brandt all trying to find out about the mass activity to obtain funds necessary to attend Tina's performance. Stanley puts the mask on once again and raids the bank accidentally foiling Dorian's robbery at the Coco Bongo Stanley dances with Tina and then kisses her. Dorian confronts the mask about both the kiss and the butch robbery. And as he leaves, a piece of cloth is shot off of his suit and a revert's back to a piece of Stanley's pajamas.
After arrested Dorian Callaway finds the piece of fabric and begins to suspect Stanley's involvement in the crime. This is the part of the movie where it's like you know what I could do without it's like all of the detective stuff. Like this movie just like the story of our lives on this show when there's that. It's not only do we hate cops.
It's not just about the cops being corrupt. It's actually we hate and we're bored by. They do. They do.
So down our movies. Stanley consults psychiatrist Arthur Dubin who recently published a book called The Masks We Wear and he deduced that the mask may be a creation of Loki and its powers are only active at night. Newman believes that it's only mythology however and concludes that the mask's personality is based on Stanley's own repressed desires. And the next time he puts on a mask he will win Ben Stein's money.
He will win Ben Stein's money. This was Pete Ben Stein showing up in these like three minute rolls to monotone his way through. What the fuck is his deal? I don't know.
I grew up with Ben Stein but with no knowledge of like where he came from and what his what his fucking deal is. I think the story is that he was I think it all stems from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I think that he was an actual teacher at the school that they were filming at and he was like the scene where he's doing the class on finances. I forget what the class is actually on but it's like a history class or whatever.
They just told him to lecture in the most bored monotone voice he possibly could and like that became the that somehow became the runaway moment of the movie for a while and then people just kept hiring him to do that. So like obviously we remember I for me it's the it's the dry ice commercials. Oh my god yeah if you suffer from dry red eyes try clear eye like just so much of my 90s life was Ben Stein teaching me things that's so crazy. He wasn't even a conservative guy.
That's fucking crazy. I know. He did know he's alive. I think he's still alive.
He's also a piece of shit so yeah I was gonna say he's a he's super right leading shithead I believe. Really doesn't surprise me dude he had all that money. Yeah all that there's no more ability. Kyle I don't want to ruin things for you but usually if your dollar bills have your face on it it's not as valuable as you think.
Tell that to someone in charge we who we don't like. That's true that's true that night all those gold coins are spot that night Stanley meets Tina at the local park as the mask until he's interrupted by Callaway who attempts to capture him Stanley flees with Peggy after he distracts the police with a giant performance of Cuban Pete. This is so good. This is so good.
Peggy then reluctantly betrays him to Dorian for $50,000. Dorian puts on the mask and has his henchmen forced Stanley to reveal the location of the stolen money before they turn him into the police. Tina visits Stanley in the station and he urges her to leave the city but before she thanks Stanley for showing her kindness and tells him that the mask was never necessary. She attempts to flee but Dorian kidnaps her and ties her to the charity ball at the cocoa bongo hosted by Nikio Nikio and attends all of is being attended by all the city elite including the mayor.
Dorian murders Nikio and prepares to destroy the club with a time bomb until Stanley's dog Milo helps his owner escape from the cell by stealing some keys from the guard. When Stanley enters the club he gets Charlie's help and he is quickly discovered and captured Tina tricks Dorian into removing the mask so she can kick it away and this is when Stanley's dog Milo puts it on and fattles the henchmen as Stanley and Dorian fight each other. Stanley reclaims the mask and uses its powers to dispose of the bomb before it detonates and he defeats Dorian by sending him down the drain of the club's fountain. The police arrive and Callaway tries to arrest Stanley but the mayor intervenes, impliciting Dorian as the mask the whole time and praising Stanley as a hero.
The next day Stanley now exonerated it and more secure returns to the harbor bridge with Tina Charlie and Milo. Tina discards the mask before her and Stanley share a kiss and Charlie tries to retrieve the mask only for Milo to grab it and swim away the end. I think that the movie gets right. The text of stuff slows it down but fuck dude if this movie doesn't just go a mile minute is any time that Jim carries on the screen.
It is using 90s Jim's carry perfectly. Like hey here's this dude who I mean he was literally known as rubber face at that point for just how he would contort his face in the crazy ways. Like I think that this this in a certain tour being shot at the same time. You know they're both trying to use what makes Jim carry unique and I think I I would say that I think a certain is an overall better movie.
It's probably the jokes land a little bit better but I think the mask is utilizing his skill set dramatically better because they are just letting him like chucked jodes cartoon all over the place. I mean all of I would say a good chunk of maybe the first four or five movies in Jim Kerry's career all suffer from being made in the 90s and not aging well but I think this one kind of comes out the least offensive from that. I don't think it's offensive. I don't know.
It's has pacing issues at times but all in all like this is the one between this and the first two asetour movies and dumb and dumber. This is the one that actually like hasn't been hurt by 30 years of progression. And I also think it's like so I also think like the pacing issue of it that like I brought up in that you're even saying I was like it's also just like so much how you made a movie in the 90s. Yeah.
It's just it's just a lot of it can be boiled down to and sometimes there is actual like fucking I'm like oh my god this is boring but like it is just how you would make a movie in the 90s where it's like okay we have all these big set pieces and shit but now we got to like move it along. Yeah well also I think when I was watching it this time you remember his face animating a lot more than it actually does in the overall movie. Like I think mostly the yellow suit coca banga scene is like that's where you're getting his face turning into a wolf and like you have behind you for the people watching on Patreon like his jaw dropping to the ground and tongue rolling out. The rest of it is.
I thought that happened a lot more. Yeah that's what I mean I thought that was like every time he had the mask on but it's really not. But yeah I mean I think when this this movie is at its best when he is the mask and he's a real like to use the Simpsons wears poochi thing like anytime that he's not wearing the mask you're like all right when's the next time he's gonna put that green mask on this movie gets a jolt of energy again. Yeah.
No I do like the the moments of transition particularly like when he wakes up like I though the laugh out loud moment that wasn't mask related was that second time he wakes up after he's broke into the bank vault and he's trying to like get ready because the police are knocking on his door and he goes to open his closet to put the mask in and the pile of money just fucking falls out. Yeah that's pretty closet. It's because it's like a werewolf logic right like this is operating on werewolf logic where he has no memories of anything the night prior which is like delightful in so many ways. You know I don't think as a kid I knew what a proctologist was so when they're when they show up in the mechanic and they're like we're gonna need a proctologist the best you can find and you're like oh he shoved an engine in this tailpipe in this man's asshole.
Yeah I do think though that that might be the only part of this movie that is truly offensive which is pretty cool. Yeah yeah it's not so and like that's you know that could be worse. It could be even worse. Also you know kind of a kids movie but has a very weird condom joke in the dead center of it.
Well that's a fucking other thing right like I just thought this was I you know it's a green guy doing crazy silly things like you know but he's turning he's shooting gangsters he's the condom jokes there there's a lot of sex appeal like Cameron Diaz is like that black and white dress. Oh my brain forever. Yeah. Even them like swing it into the political smith.
Oh yeah that's like god it's not even like anything particularly funny that's happening like it gets outrageous but you're just like god like it is like one of those moments where it's like all right this does kind of ooze cool when it wants to like when it when it really needs to it's the other thing that's comparable to not to still people's double features but like it's almost like a weird version of the nutty professor as well you know what I mean it has yeah like it has like elements of that mixed into it it is and I would argue that this again age is better and it's humor than the nutty professor which is like 75% fat jokes 25% fart jokes dude my professor is so bad. My professor is so bad. The name of that thing is kind of brutal. The scotia momentum visa infinite plus card gives me 15% cashback for the first three months up to 300 dollars with cash like that I can stream out free because I've got enough distractions conditions apply scotia bank you're richer than you think.
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Unless anyone has anything else to add, can I? I'm a very surprised reader to read that Ann and Coles Smith was considered or suggested for for a while but they were adamant about Cameron Diaz. I think again to go with that name and they wanted somebody at one point they were looking for somebody a little bit more voluptuous voluptuous voluptuous voluptuous voluptuous voluptuous. I think I had to read that voluptuous voluptuous.
I'm not able to do that. I'm able to eat and up a schedule. Ahh shit. Alright, double feature time.
Kyle, I may have stolen yours and I apologize because my double feature is about another person who gets taken over by a mess that he wears, bruiser. Wow. Wow. Oh that's good.
Oh that's good. Wow. Okay right now you didn't. But I know I wish that I did.
Scott do you want to go or do you want me to go ahead? Alright I'm going, I mean this is such, this is what I would live for in the 90s. I would watch this and then Space Jam would be how I would have to go and you know they're going to go Space Jam. I had that night.
I had that night. I had a lot of times. Yeah it's not, it's not an unknown or strange night for me to have even as a mid 30s man. It doesn't seem that far off so I feel good about that.
What about you Scott? I'm going to go behind the mask. Oh nice. That's a documentary about the making of this right?
Yes of course. Yes. Guys we like to have fun here and if you like to have fun as well I suggest you hit up our patreon.com backslash hmnpodcast. Something we haven't been pushing as hard but I think we're going to in the new year is hey you join the patreon you become part of a slack chat with us and a bunch of other people.
You sick of being on Facebook and Instagram because medicina sucks join the patreon and join us on slack. That's from a $1 level donated dollar and hang out with us on slack. Also support the show by buying some merch at hmnpodcast.com visit our website hmnpodcast.com to see all of the stuff that we've talked about over the years and hit us up on every social media platform you can think of hmn podcast that includes letterbox which Kyle is very good at staying on top of. Now lastly guys we got something we watched listen to etc and I'm going to talk about you know we're recording this December 2nd I will spoil that for people.
It's still a little early in the season but I will tell you what was the surprise best new piece of Christmas content this year was a very Jonas Christmas movie on Disney Plots. I was so happy to hear you say that you like this. I can't wait to watch it. Which was basically like someone said what if we made a Muppets Christmas road movie but instead of using the Muppets we just get the Jonas Brothers.
And the premise is that the Jonas Brothers are on tour in Europe they're about to fly home to spend Christmas with their families but all three brothers really aren't brothers anymore they're just business partners and some Christmas magic interjects to force them to have to get creative on how they're going to get home. So they're stuck road tripping around Europe trying to find an airport that will be able to take them home in time for the holidays and they bond as brothers and it's just packed with like random ass cameo after random ass cameo and the Jonas Brothers just punching down on themselves repeatedly. One line that got a big laugh out of me was that their plane blows up and they're asking if there's any other plane that they could possibly take and the person goes aren't you guys famous enough to have a private jet by now and one of them just goes well that's uncalled for like it's just like them kind of making fun of the fact that they are a little bit washed up a little bit has been at this point but it's fun and even better it's 75 minutes long. Wow.
That is worth it. Yeah a nice crisp you know a little bit more than an hour but not even a full 90 minute Christmas watch I was I was floored by how much fun I had with it so highly recommend for next year don't watch it this comes out January 1st don't watch it now that's a bad time watch it. I watch I mean there's a few things I want to talk about what do I want to talk about here I watched move called Fortress it was from 85. I heard this is Charles Pan right?
No Charles Pan did do a fortress this is an HBO movie about an Australian classroom that gets kidnapped. Fortress 1989. Five. I think band might be.
Yeah yeah okay this one I don't know. Yeah I had heard about it for a while I think I actually heard about it on maybe the Ospoitation Draft of screen drafts and I found it at a local library on DVD. Is that a Santa mask on the front of the cover? Yeah dude and I had a Santa mask just like that unfortunately the humidity got to like it was like of that era.
Yeah I know that the humidity got to it and just like destroyed it which is a devastating blow because it is a haunting mask in this movie it's it's a thriller it is sometimes really hard to watch it's about this classroom in Australia where the teacher and about nine children and the classroom is really only like nine kids small school house right. All get taken hostage by the group of four masked assailants assailants and they get taken into the woods and put into a cave and the cave gets closed and it's all about this teacher who has to try to keep these children calm at bay together understanding but also try to figure out a way to get out of the situation that they're in right. While also like trying to lean on maybe some of the older kids but then some of the younger kids aren't understanding the nuances of like trying to get out of this scary and deadly situation they all get out of their lunch boxes but that's all they have with them and it's like it's really really tense and it's at times it's graphic there's some good effects there's some really tense moments with these kids and you know what what are these what are these masked man even doing like there's no real understanding as to why they've done this there's no bigger plot point because we're staying with the school teacher and the whole time. Oh you don't ever find out.
No no I hate that. You just know that. Yeah dude yeah it's and I for a long time I thought it was based on a true story because there is a story about a school that was kidnapped and like they were kept in underground like in a bus or something that that crime now escapes me but this is not that but this was also kind of reminiscent of that and really really tense. I don't know where you can find it I found it on DVD for a buck donation but it is worth checking out if you're into sort of thrillers that have a little bit more going on to them and a little bit more open ended it's not you know there is no procedural here there is no like development of that anybody searching for them we have no idea it is all about them trying to deal with the situation really tense really good.
All right Scott take us home. All right so I did something I don't normally do and I reread a book from that I've read in 13 years I want to say I reread David Wong's Jason Pargan for the for the people that actually know but I reread David Wong's second book on the John Dies at the end series called This Book is full of spiders and in parentheses seriously do don't open it. I had hailed this as like the best of his books and actually like chilling in a lot of points and so I thought you know I'm in the mood it's been like it was November when I read it the first time and it was November when I read the second time I thought why not and I feel like it's diminishing returns I think it was really really great and really really entertaining the first time I read it but I think now that I have two more John Dies at the end books under my belt I don't love it as much I think that there there's specifically one scene that still really chills me and I think that that makes up for the fact that I'm not as in love with it as I used to be. I think that it was a lesson to myself to not reread books unless it's I Am Legend which is my all-time favorite horror book and it's really easy to read that because it's like 180 pages whereas this book is full of spiders was like you know 400 or 350 something like that so I don't know like I still like it I still think it's a good book and I would still recommend it to people who read John Dies at the end but I would also say like you can't really read without reading the first one in the series Jason Pargan writes a very specific way I mean I don't know like it's still a good book but it's do you guys do have you guys ever reread a book like a novel because I really don't read novels very often I have reread a handful of books I tend to reread I realize more nonfiction than fiction sure that makes sense but then I hold on to all this fiction like I'm going to reread it and I'm like I don't know like I think that you just keep it because you're like oh I really enjoyed owning that I really enjoy owning that book and I want to like hold it and remember that I was like a lot of books you know I'll read books on the Kindle through Libby or whatever or I'll read something as a PDF and I'll or listen to it as a book on tape completely forget I have to check my good reads all the time to see what I've actually read in the last calendar year because I forget all the time so I think having a physical copy of a book released for me is a reminder of that book being pretty sick yeah yeah because I'll get rid of the ones that are crap yeah like if I know that I have no I didn't like it and have no interest in it that is very easy to throw into a little library and move on I think I do I think like I've reread short stories but not really yeah I'll definitely read a short story way before I'll read a novel reread a novel yeah I actually do think I'm going to reread Mr.
Magic pretty soon just because that book like that book floored me so much the first time I read it and now I barely remember anything about it that I'm like I want to revisit this now but hey you know what's also Mr. Magic subscribing to our podcast and writing and reviewing and helping us just grow this crazy thing that we've been doing for over 10 years guys we are in year 11 fully now on in 2026 so stay tuned subscribe and we'll have more horror movie night for you. You're listening to the Geekscape Network.