The Meaning of Showing Up

In this story, the meaning of showing up. I’m Joanne Greene.My eldest cousin passed away. He was 91. We knew it was coming. But that doesn’t make it any easier for his one and only daughter, who valiantly navigated caring for him from afar as his condition deteriorated and his undaunting spirit led him to continue working in his legal practice, attempting to drive, and making questionable decisions that led to numerous ER visits and hospital stays. He remained in Boston, the city in which he lived his whole life while she, her husband and identical twin 6 year old daughters were living in Bogata, Colombia. She spent countless hours online and on the phone, arranging drivers, speaking to doctors, and looking into how to help her father feel valued and of service as his health worsened. And she succeeded beyond measure.I knew that I’d show up whenever I could be helpful. That’s what we do if we understand that giving is what makes life meaningful. It’s what I most value at this stage of my life – showing up for the people I love. Being present. Sharing both the joy and the pain that come simultaneously if we’re paying attention and living authentically. How, you might ask, could I find satisfaction in clearing out my cousin’s bathroom cabinets? That simple act, shared with his daughter’s mother in law (because she, too, shows up) afforded me some intimacy with my cousin while crossing one more item off his daughter’s to do list. My cousin and I were not close, we didn’t grow up together as we were twenty years apart. But we had shared lifelong memories of holiday celebrations – thanksgiving dinners and Passover seders….an annual tradition of checking on who won our respective neighboring high school football games. At his funeral, I relished sharing the memory of him relentlessly teasing my sister about her losing their annual bet about said football game and how was she going to repay her debt to him. Family holds unique importance for me, for many of us. It’s our original blueprint, the people with and from whom we form our initial view of life and what matters. I credit my aunts, uncles, and cousins with helping to form my sense of humor, my work ethic, my intellectual curiosity, and love of tradition. As an elder, now, I try to foster and model that for my siblings’ children and grandchildren, and certainly my own descendants. Our families look different today. Rather than living blocks away or in adjacent towns, we’re scattered across the state and, often, the globe. honoring different cultural traditions as well as our own. Our worlds both expand and contract as we easily Facetime bridging the distance and time difference to celebrate together, to share in joy….to join family members in pain or hardship in whatever way we can.I received so many tender condolences over my cousin’s passing and for that I am very grateful. But the truth is, I wasn’t in pain. He had a great sendoff, honored for his countless contributions to the lives of many. It was my privilege to help however I could, to further cement the bonds of family, to catch up with the generation now in college and newly forging career paths, to share fond memories and to model the very behavior that I learned from those who came before me. We show up. We celebrate together and we grieve together. That makes life ever more precious and blesses all of us with lasting riches.Joanne’s book, “By Accident: A Memoir of Letting Go” is now available from your favorite online book seller. Stay tuned to hear if Joanne will be speaking at a bookstore near you. If you’re interested in having her come to your local bookstore, contact her directly at [email protected] or get updates on her website at joanne-greene.com and make sure to sign up for her newsletter!Joanne’s book, “By Accident: A Memoir of Letting Go” is now available from your favorite online book seller. Stay tuned to hear if Joanne will be speaking at a bookstore near you. If you’re interested in having her come to your local bookstore, contact her directly at [email protected] or get updates on her website at joanne-greene.com and make sure to sign up for her newsletter!