The Moon And Sixpence 13.1

I dare say itwould have been more seemly to decline this proposal. I think perhaps I shouldhave made a show of the indignation I really felt, and I am sure that ColonelMacAndrew at least would have thought well of me if I had been able to reportmy stout refusal to sit at the same table with a man of such character. But thefear of not being able to carry it through effectively has always made me shyof assuming the moral attitude; and in this case the certainty that mysentiments would be lost on Strickland made it peculiarly embarrassing to utterthem. Only the poet or the saint can water an asphalt pavement in the confidentanticipation that lilies will reward his labour.I paid for whatwe had drunk, and we made our way to a cheap restaurant, crowded and gay, wherewe dined with pleasure. I had the appetite of youth and he of a hardenedconscience. Then we went to a tavern to have coffee and liqueurs.I had said allI had to say on the subject that had brought me to Paris, and though I felt itin a manner treacherous to Mrs. Strickland not to pursue it, I could notstruggle against his indifference. It requires the feminine temperament torepeat the same thing three times with unabated zest. I solaced myself bythinking that it would be useful for me to find out what I could aboutStrickland's state of mind. It also interested me much more. But this was notan easy thing to do, for Strickland was not a fluent talker. He seemed toexpress himself with difficulty, as though words were not the medium with whichhis mind worked; and you had to guess the intentions of his soul by hackneyedphrases, slang, and vague, unfinished gestures. 我知道更合体的作法是拒绝他的邀请。我想也许我该把我真正感到的气愤显示一番，如果我回去以后能够向他们汇报，我如何一口拒绝了同这种品行的人共进晚餐的邀请，起码麦克安德鲁上校会对我表示好感的。但是我总是害怕这出戏自己演得不象，而且不能一直演到底，这就妨碍了我装出一副道貌岸然的样子。再说，我肯定知道，我的表演在思特里克兰德身上不会引起任何反响，这就更加使我难以把辞谢的话说出口了。只有诗人同圣徒才能坚信，在沥青路面上辛勤浇水会培植出百合花来。我付了酒账，同他走到一家廉价的餐馆去。我们在这家顾客拥挤的热闹的餐馆里痛痛快快吃了一顿晚餐。我们俩胃口都很好，我是因为年轻，他是因为良心已经麻木。这以后我们到一家酒店去喝咖啡和甜酒。关于这件使我来到巴黎的公事，该说的话我都已经说了，虽然我觉得就这样半半拉拉地把这件事放下手对思特里克兰德太太似乎有背叛之嫌，我却实在无法再同思特里克兰德的冷漠抗争了。只有女性才能以不息的热情把同一件事重复三遍。我自我安慰地想，尽力了解一下思特里克兰德的心境对我还是有用的。再说，我对这个也更感到兴趣。但这并不是一件容易事，因为思特里克兰德不是一个能说会道的人。他表白自己似乎非常困难，倒好象言语并不是他的心灵能运用自如的工具似的。你必须通过他的那些早被人们用得陈腐不堪的词句、那些粗陋的俚语、那些既模糊又不完全的手势才能猜测他的灵魂的意图。