The Moon And Sixpence 18.3

It wasbecause I felt this that Dirk Stroeve was not to me, as to others, merely anobject of ridicule. His fellow-painters made no secret of their contempt forhis work, but he earned a fair amount of money, and they did not hesitate tomake free use of his purse. He was generous, and the needy, laughing at himbecause he believed so naively their stories of distress, borrowed from himwith effrontery. He was very emotional, yet his feeling, so easily aroused, hadin it something absurd, so that you accepted his kindness, but felt nogratitude. To take money from him was like robbing a child, and you despisedhim because he was so foolish. I imagine that a pickpocket, proud of his lightfingers, must feel a sort of indignation with the careless woman who leaves ina cab a vanity-bag with all her jewels in it. Nature had made him a butt, buthad denied him insensibility. He writhed under the jokes, practical andotherwise, which were perpetually made at his expense, and yet never ceased, itseemed wilfully, to expose himself to them. He was constantly wounded, and yethis good- nature was such that he could not bear malice: the viper might stinghim, but he never learned by experience, he had no sooner recovered from hispain than he tenderly placed it once more in his bosom. His life was a tragedywritten in the terms of knockabout farce. Because I did not laugh at him he wasgrateful to me, and he used to pour into my sympathetic ear the long list ofhis troubles. The saddest thing about them was that they were grotesque, andthe more pathetic they were, the more you wanted to laugh.正因为我有这种感觉，所以戴尔克·施特略夫在我的眼睛里不象在别人眼睛里那样，只是一个受人嘲弄挖苦的对象。他的一些同行毫不掩饰他们对他作品的鄙视，但是施特略夫却很能赚钱，而这些人把他的钱包就看作是自己的一样，动用时是从来没有什么顾虑的。他很大方；那些手头拮据的人一方面嘲笑他那么天真地轻信他们编造的不幸故事，一方面厚颜无耻地伸手向他借钱。他非常重感情，但是在他那很容易就被打动的感情里面却含有某种愚蠢的东西，让你接受了他好心肠的帮助却丝毫没有感激之情。向他借钱就好象从小孩儿手里抢东西一样；因为他太好欺侮，你反而有点儿看不起他。我猜想，一个以手快自豪的扒手对一个把装满贵重首饰的皮包丢在车上的粗心大意的女人一定会感到有些恼火的。讲到施特略夫，一方面造物主把他制造成一个笑料，另一方面又拒绝给他迟钝的感觉。人们不停地拿他开玩笑，不论是善意的嘲讽或是恶作剧的挖苦都叫他痛苦不堪，但是他又从来不停止给人制造嘲弄的机会，倒好像他有意这样做似的。他不断地受人伤害，可是他的性格又是那么善良，从来不肯怀恨人；即便挨了毒蛇咬，也不懂得吸取经验教训，只要疼痛一过，又会心存怜悯地把蛇揣在怀里。他的生活好象是按照那种充满打闹的滑稽剧的格式写的一出悲剧。因为我没有嘲笑过他，所以他很感激我；他常常把自己的一连串烦恼倾注到我富于同情的耳朵里。最悲惨之点在于他受的这些委屈总是滑稽可笑的，这些事他讲得越悲惨，你就越忍不住要笑出来。