The Moon And Sixpence 29.1

I kept silencefor a little while, thinking of what Stroeve had told me. I could not stomachhis weakness, and he saw my disapproval. "You know as well as I do howStrickland lived, " he said tremulously. "I couldn't let her live inthose circumstances -- I simply couldn't. ""That'syour business, " I answered."Whatwould you have done?" he asked."She wentwith her eyes open. If she had to put up with certain inconveniences it was herown lookout. ""Yes; but,you see, you don't love her. ""Do youlove her still?""Oh, morethan ever. Strickland isn't the man to make a woman happy. It can't last. Iwant her to know that I shall never fail her. ""Does thatmean that you're prepared to take her back?""Ishouldn't hesitate. Why, she'll want me more than ever then. When she's aloneand humiliated and broken it would be dreadful if she had nowhere to go. "He seemed tobear no resentment. I suppose it was commonplace in me that I felt slightlyoutraged at his lack of spirit. Perhaps he guessed what was in my mind, for hesaid:"Icouldn't expect her to love me as I loved her. I'm a buffoon. I'm not the sortof man that women love. I've always known that. I can't blame her if she'sfallen in love with Strickland. ""Youcertainly have less vanity than any man I've ever known, " I said.我沉默了一会，思索着施特略夫对我讲的事情。我无法忍受他这种懦弱，他也看出来我对他这个做法不以为然。“你跟我知道得一样清楚，思特里克兰德过的是什么日子，”他声音颤抖着说，“我不能让她在那种环境里过活——我就是不能。”“这是你的事。”我回答。“如果这事叫你遇上，你会怎么做？”他问。“她是睁着眼睛自己走开的。如果她不得不吃些苦头，也是自找。”“你说得对，但是，你知道，你并不爱她。”“你现在还爱她吗？”“啊！比以前更爱。思特里克兰德不是一个能使女人幸福的人。这件事长不了。我要让她知道，我是永远不会叫她的指望落空的。”“你的意思是不是说，你还准备收留她呢？”“我将丝毫也不踌躇。到那时候她就会比过去任何时候都更需要我了。当她被人抛弃，受尽屈辱，身心交瘁，如果她无处可以投奔，那就太可怕了。”施特略夫似乎一点也不生她的气。也许我这人太平凡了，所以对他这种没有骨气竟有一些恼火。他可能猜到我的想法了，因为他这么说：“我不能希望她象我爱她那样爱我。我是滑稽角色。我不是那种叫女人钟情的男子汉。这一点我早就知道。如果她爱上了思特里克兰德，我不能责怪她。”“我还从来没见到过有谁象你这样没有自尊心的呢，”我说。