The Moon And Sixpence 29.2

"I loveher so much better than myself. It seems to me that when vanity comes into loveit can only be because really you love yourself best. After all, it constantlyhappens that a man when he's married falls in love with somebody else; when hegets over it he returns to his wife, and she takes him back, and everyonethinks it very natural. Why should it be different with women?"

"I daresay that's logical, " I smiled, "but most men are made differently,and they can't. "

But while Italked to Stroeve I was puzzling over the suddenness of the whole affair. Icould not imagine that he had had no warning. I remembered the curious look Ihad seen in Blanche Stroeve's eyes; perhaps its explanation was that she wasgrowing dimly conscious of a feeling in her heart that surprised and alarmedher.

"Did youhave no suspicion before to-day that there was anything between them?" Iasked.

He did notanswer for a while. There was a pencil on the table, and unconsciously he drewa head on the blotting-paper.

"Pleasesay so, if you hate my asking you questions, " I said.

"It easesme to talk. Oh, if you knew the frightful anguish in my heart. " He threwthe pencil down. "Yes, I've known it for a fortnight. I knew it before shedid. "

"Why onearth didn't you send Strickland packing?"

“我爱她远远超过了爱我自己。我觉得，在爱情的事上如果考虑起自尊心来，那只能有一个原因：实际上你还是最爱自己。不管怎么说，一个结了婚的男人又爱上别人并不是什么希罕事，常常等他的热劲过去了，便又回到他妻子的身边，而她也就同他和好如初了。这种事谁都认为是很自然的。如果男人是这样，为什么女人就该是例外呢？”

“我承认你说的很合乎逻辑，”我笑了笑，“但是大多数男人都不是这种心理，要他们这样对待这件事是办不到的。”

在我同施特略夫这样谈话时，我心里一直在想，这件事来得过于突然，叫我迷惑不解。不可能想象，事前他会一直蒙在鼓里。我记起了我曾看到的勃朗什·施特略夫的奇怪眼神，可能她已经模糊地意识到自己的感情，自己也被震骇住了。

“在今天以前难道你一点也没有猜疑过他们两人之间有什么事吗？”我问他道。

他并没有马上回答我的问题。桌子上有一支铅笔，他拿起来在吸墨纸上信手画了一个头像。

“要是你不喜欢我问你这个问题，你就直说吧，”我说。

“我把话说出来心里反而痛快一些。咳，要是你知道我心里有多么痛苦就好了，”他把手里的铅笔往桌上一扔。“是的，我从两个星期以前就知道了。在她自己还不明白是怎么回事以前我就知道了。”

“那你为什么不把思特里克兰德打发走呢？”