The Moon And Sixpence 30.2

I think in somecurious way the horror which she felt for him was a transference of the horrorwhich she felt for herself because he so strangely troubled her. His appearancewas wild and uncouth; there was aloofness in his eyes and sensuality in hismouth; he was big and strong; he gave the impression of untamed passion; andperhaps she felt in him, too, that sinister element which had made me think ofthose wild beings of the world's early history when matter, retaining its earlyconnection with the earth, seemed to possess yet a spirit of its own. If heaffected her at all, it was inevitable that she should love or hate him. Shehated him.

And then Ifancy that the daily intimacy with the sick man moved her strangely. She raisedhis head to give him food, and it was heavy against her hand; when she had fedhim she wiped his sensual mouth and his red beard. She washed his limbs; theywere covered with thick hair; and when she dried his hands, even in hisweakness they were strong and sinewy. His fingers were long; they were thecapable, fashioning fingers of the artist; and I know not what troublingthoughts they excited in her. He slept very quietly, without a movement, sothat he might have been dead, and he was like some wild creature of the woods,resting after a long chase; and she wondered what fancies passed through hisdreams. Did he dream of the nymph flying through the woods of Greece with thesatyr in hot pursuit? She fled, swift of foot and desperate, but he gained onher step by step, till she felt his hot breath on her neck; and still she fledsilently, and silently he pursued, and when at last he seized her was it terrorthat thrilled her heart or was it ecstasy?

我想，她对思特里克兰德的恐惧是她对自己的恐惧的一种奇怪的移植，因为他叫她迷惑不解，心烦意乱。思特里克兰德生得粗野不驯，眼睛深邃冷漠，嘴型给人以肉欲感，他的身体高大、壮硕，这一些都给人以热情狂放的印象。也许她同我一样，在他身上感到某种邪恶的气质；这种气质使我想到宇宙初辟时的那些半人半兽的生物，那时宇宙万物同大地还保持着原始的联系，尽管是物质，却仿佛仍然具有精神的性质。如果思特里克兰德激发起她的感情来，不是爱就是恨，二者必居其一。当时她对思特里克兰德感到的是恨。

接着我又想象，她日夜同病人厮守，一定逐渐产生了一种奇怪的感情。她托着病人的头喂他食物，他的头沉甸甸地倚在她手上；在他吃过东西以后，她揩抹他的富于肉欲的嘴唇和火红的胡子。她给他揩拭四肢，他的手臂和大腿覆盖着一层浓密的汗毛。当她给他擦手的时候，尽管他病得非常虚弱，她也感觉得出它们如何结实有力。他的手指生得长长的，是艺术家那类能干的、善于塑造的手指。我无法知道它们在她心里引起什么样慌乱的思想。他非常宁静地睡在那里，一动也不动，几乎和死人一样，他象是森林里的一头野兽，在一阵猛烈追猎后躺在那里休息；她在好奇地猜测，他正在经历什么奇异的梦境呢？他是不是梦到了一个林泽的女神正在希腊的森林里飞奔，森林之神塞特尔在后面紧追不舍？她拼命地逃跑，双腿如飞，但是塞特尔还是一步一步地离她越来越近，连他吹在她脖子上的热辣辣的呼吸她都感觉出来了。但是她仍然一声不出地向前飞跑，他也一声不出地紧紧追赶；最后，当她被他抓到手里的时候，使她浑身颤抖的是恐惧呢，还是狂喜呢？