The Moon And Sixpence 30.4

I could notbelieve that Strickland had fallen in love with Blanche Stroeve. I did notbelieve him capable of love. That is an emotion in which tenderness is anessential part, but Strickland had no tenderness either for himself or forothers; there is in love a sense of weakness, a desire to protect, an eagernessto do good and to give pleasure -- if not unselfishness, at all events aselfishness which marvellously conceals itself; it has in it a certaindiffidence. These were not traits which I could imagine in Strickland. Love isabsorbing; it takes the lover out of himself; the most clear-sighted, though hemay know, cannot realise that his love will cease; it gives body to what heknows is illusion, and, knowing it is nothing else, he loves it better thanreality. It makes a man a little more than himself, and at the same time alittle less. He ceases to be himself. He is no longer an individual, but athing, an instrument to some purpose foreign to his ego. Love is never quitedevoid of sentimentality, and Strickland was the least inclined to thatinfirmity of any man I have known. I could not believe that he would eversuffer that possession of himself which love is; he could never endure a foreignyoke. I believed him capable of uprooting from his heart, though it might bewith agony, so that he was left battered and ensanguined, anything that camebetween himself and that uncomprehended craving that urged him constantly to heknew not what. If I have succeeded at all in giving the complicated impressionthat Strickland made on me, it will not seem outrageous to say that I felt hewas at once too great and too small for love.

But I supposethat everyone's conception of the passion is formed on his own idiosyncrasies,and it is different with every different person. A man like Strickland wouldlove in a manner peculiar to himself. It was vain to seek the analysis of hisemotion.

我不能相信思特里克兰德会爱上了勃朗什·施特略夫。我根本不相信这个人会爱上一个人。在爱这种感情中主要成分是温柔，但思特里克兰德却不论对自己或对别人都不懂得温柔。爱情中需要有一种软弱无力的感觉，要有体贴爱护的要求，有帮助别人、取悦别人的热情——如果不是无私，起码是巧妙地遮掩起来的自私；爱情包含着某种程度的腼腆怯懦。而这些性格特点都不是我在思特里克兰德身上所能找到的。爱情要占据一个人莫大的精力，它要一个人离开自己的生活专门去做一个爱人。即使头脑最清晰的人，从道理上他可能知道，在实际中却不会承认爱情有一天会走到尽头。爱情赋予他明知是虚幻的事物以实质形体，他明知道这一切不过是镜花水月，爱它却远远超过喜爱真实。它使一个人比原来的自我更丰富了一些，同时又使他比原来的自我更狭小了一些。他不再是一个人，他成了追求某一个他不了解的目的的一件事物、一个工具。爱情从来免不了多愁善感，而思特里克兰德却是我认识的人中最不易犯这种病症的人。我不相信他在任何时候会害那种爱情的通病——如醉如痴、神魂颠倒；他从来不能忍受外界加给他的任何桎梏。如果有任何事物妨碍了他那无人能理解的热望（这种热望无时或止地刺激着他，叫他奔向一个他自己也不清楚的目标），我相信他会毫不犹疑把它从心头上连根拔去，即使忍受莫大痛苦，弄得遍体鳞伤、鲜血淋漓也在所不惜。如果我写下的我对思特里克兰德的这些复杂印象还算得正确的话，我想下面的断语读者也不会认为悖理：我觉得思特里克兰德这个人既伟大、又渺小，是不会同别人发生爱情的。

但是爱情这个概念，归根结底，因人而异；每个人都根据自己的不同癖性有不同的理解。因此，象思特里克兰德这样一个人一定也有他自己的独特的恋爱方式。要想分析他的感情实在是一件徒然的事。