The Moon And Sixpence 40.3

"I thinkyou're detestable. You're the most loathsome beast that it's ever been mymisfortune to meet. Why do you seek the society of someone who hates anddespises you?"

"My dearfellow, what the hell do you suppose I care what you think of me?"

"Damn itall, " I said, more violently because I had an inkling my motive was nonetoo creditable, "I don't want to know you. "

"Are youafraid I shall corrupt you?"

His tone mademe feel not a little ridiculous. I knew that he was looking at me sideways,with a sardonic smile.

"I supposeyou are hard up, " I remarked insolently.

"I shouldbe a damned fool if I thought I had any chance of borrowing money from you."

"You'vecome down in the world if you can bring yourself to flatter. "

He grinned.

"You'llnever really dislike me so long as I give you the opportunity to get off a goodthing now and then. "

I had to bitemy lip to prevent myself from laughing. What he said had a hateful truth in it,and another defect of my character is that I enjoy the company of those,however depraved, who can give me a Roland for my Oliver. I began to feel thatmy abhorrence for Strickland could only be sustained by an effort on my part. Irecognised my moral weakness, but saw that my disapprobation had in it alreadysomething of a pose; and I knew that if I felt it, his own keen instinct haddiscovered it, too. He was certainly laughing at me up his sleeve. I left himthe last word, and sought refuge in a shrug of the shoulders and taciturnity.

“我觉得你是一个非常讨厌的人。我怎么会那么倒霉，认识了你这么一个最惹人嫌的东西。你为什么偏偏要缠着一个讨厌你、看不起你的人呢？”

“你以为我很注意你对我的看法吗，老兄？”

“真见鬼！”我说，因为感觉到我的动机一点也站不住脚，反而装出一副更加气愤的样子。“我不想认识你。”

“你怕我会把你带坏了吗？”

他的语气让我觉得自己非常可笑。我知道他正斜着眼睛看我，脸上带着讥嘲的笑容。

“我猜想你手头又窘了吧！”我傲慢地说。

“要是我还认为有希望从你手里借到钱，我真是个大傻瓜了。”

“要是你硬逼着自己讨别人喜欢，那说明你现在已经穷得没有办法了。”

他咧开嘴笑了笑。

“只要我不时地能叫你开开心，你是永远也不会真正讨厌我的。”

我不能不咬住嘴唇才憋着没有笑出来。他说的话尽管可恶，却有一定的真实性。此外，我的性格还有一个弱点：不论什么人，尽管道德上非常堕落，但只要能够和我唇枪舌剑，针锋相对，我还是愿意同他在一起的。我开始觉得我对思特里克兰德的厌恶只有靠我单方面努力才能维持下去。我认识到我精神上的弱点，看到我对他的态度实在有点儿装腔作势。而且我还知道，如果我自己已经感觉到这点，思特里克兰德的敏锐的观察力是不会看不到的。他肯定正在暗暗地笑我呢。我耸了耸肩膀，没有再说什么，让他在这场舌战中占了上风。