The Moon And Sixpence 41.9

Strickland hadfound his hat, and stood looking at me.

"Are youcoming?"

"Why doyou seek my acquaintance?" I asked him. "You know that I hate anddespise you. "

He chuckledgood-humouredly.

"Your onlyquarrel with me really is that I don't care a twopenny damn what you thinkabout me. "

I felt mycheeks grow red with sudden anger. It was impossible to make him understandthat one might be outraged by his callous selfishness. I longed to pierce hisarmour of complete indifference. I knew also that in the end there was truth inwhat he said. Unconsciously, perhaps, we treasure the power we have over peopleby their regard for our opinion of them, and we hate those upon whom we have nosuch influence. I suppose it is the bitterest wound to human pride. But I wouldnot let him see that I was put out.

思特里克兰德拿起了帽子，站在那里看着我。

“你来吗？”

“你为什么要同我来往？”我问他，“你知道我讨厌你，鄙视你。”

他咯咯地笑了笑，一点也没有恼怒。

“你同我吵嘴，实际上是因为我根本不在乎你对我的看法。”

我感到自己的面颊气得通红。你根本无法使他了解，他的冷酷、自私能叫人气得火冒三丈。我恨不得一下子刺穿了他那副冷漠的甲胄。但是我也知道，归根结底，他的话也不无道理。虽然我们没有明确意识到，说不定我们还是非常重视别人看重不看重我们的意见、我们在别人身上是否有影响力的；如果我们对一个人的看法受到他的重视，我们就沾沾自喜，如果他对这种意见丝毫也不理会，我们就讨厌他。我想这就是自尊心中最厉害的创伤。但是我并不想叫思特里克兰德看出我这种气恼。