The Moon And Sixpence 42.6

Though thesepictures confused and puzzled me, I could not be unmoved by the emotion thatwas patent in them; and, I knew not why, I felt in myself a feeling that withregard to Strickland was the last I had ever expected to experience. I felt anoverwhelming compassion.

"I think Iknow now why you surrendered to your feeling for Blanche Stroeve, " I saidto him.

"Why?"

"I think your courage failed. The weakness of yourbody communicated itself to your soul. I do not know what infinite yearningpossesses you, so that you are driven to a perilous, lonely search for somegoal where you expect to find a final release from the spirit that tormentsyou. I see you as the eternal pilgrim to some shrine that perhaps does notexist. I do not know to what inscrutable Nirvana you aim. Do you know yourself?Perhaps it is Truth and Freedom that you seek, and for a moment you thoughtthat you might find release in Love. I think your tired soul sought rest in awoman's arms, and when you found no rest there you hated her. You had no pityfor her, because you have no pity for yourself. And you killed her out of fear,because you trembled still at the danger you had barely escaped. "

He smiled drylyand pulled his beard.

"You are adreadful sentimentalist, my poor friend. "

A week later Iheard by chance that Strickland had gone to Marseilles. I never saw him again.

尽管这些画使我困惑、混乱，我却不能不被它们特有的热情所触动。我觉得看过这些画以后心里产生了一种感情，我绝没想到对思特里克兰德会有这样一种感情——我感到非常非常同情他。

“我想我现在懂得了，你为什么屈从于对勃朗什。施特略夫的感情了，”我对他说。

“为什么？”

“我想你失掉勇气了。你肉体的软弱感染了你的灵魂。我不知道是怎样一种无限思慕之情把你攫在手中，逼着你走上一条危险的、孤独的道路，你一直在寻找一个地方，希望到达那里就可以使自己从那折磨着你的精灵手里解放出来。我觉得你很象一个终生跋涉的香客，不停地寻找一座可能根本不存在的神庙。我不知道你寻求的是什么不可思议的涅槃。你自己知道吗？也许你寻找的是真理同自由，在一个短暂的时间里你认为或许能在爱情中获得解脱。我想，你的疲倦的灵魂可能期望在女人的怀抱里求得休憩，当你在那里没能找到的时候，你就开始恨她了。你对她一点也不怜悯，因为你对自己就不怜悯。你把她杀死是因为惧怕，因为你还为你刚刚逃脱的危险而索索发抖呢。”

他揪着自己的胡子干笑了一下。

“你真是个可怕的感伤主义者，可怜的朋友。”

一个星期以后，我偶然听说他已经到马赛去了。我再也没有看见过他。