The Moon And Sixpence 46.3

I do not knowwhy Captain Nichols first left England. It was a matter upon which he was reticent,and with persons of his kind a direct question is never very discreet. Hehinted at undeserved misfortune, and there is no doubt that he looked uponhimself as the victim of injustice. My fancy played with the various forms offraud and violence, and I agreed with him sympathetically when he remarked thatthe authorities in the old country were so damned technical. But it was nice tosee that any unpleasantness he had endured in his native land had not impairedhis ardent patriotism. He frequently declared that England was the finestcountry in the world, sir, and he felt a lively superiority over Americans,Colonials, Dagos, Dutchmen, and Kanakas.

But I do notthink he was a happy man. He suffered from dyspepsia, and he might often beseen sucking a tablet of pepsin; in the morning his appetite was poor; but thisaffliction alone would hardly have impaired his spirits. He had a greater causeof discontent with life than this. Eight years before he had rashly married awife. There are men whom a merciful Providence has undoubtedly ordained to asingle life, but who from wilfulness or through circumstances they could notcope with have flown in the face of its decrees. There is no object moredeserving of pity than the married bachelor. Of such was Captain Nichols. I methis wife. She was a woman of twenty-eight, I should think, though of a typewhose age is always doubtful; for she cannot have looked different when she wastwenty, and at forty would look no older. She gave me an impression of extraordinarytightness. Her plain face with its narrow lips was tight, her skin wasstretched tightly over her bones, her smile was tight, her hair was tight, herclothes were tight, and the white drill she wore had all the effect of blackbombazine. I could not imagine why Captain Nichols had married her, and havingmarried her why he had not deserted her. Perhaps he had, often, and hismelancholy arose from the fact that he could never succeed. However far he wentand in howsoever secret a place he hid himself, I felt sure that Mrs. Nichols,inexorable as fate and remorseless as conscience, would presently rejoin him.He could as little escape her as the cause can escape the effect.

我不知道尼柯尔斯船长最初为什么要离开英国。这是一个他讳莫如深的话题；对于象他这样的人直接问这类事也是很不谨慎的。从他的话语里听得出来，他曾经受了不白之冤。毫无疑问，他把自己看作是执法不公的牺牲品。我的想象却总爱把他同某种诈骗或暴行联系起来。当他谈到英国当局执法过于机械时，我非常同情地表示同意。令人高兴的是，即使他在家乡有过什么不愉快的遭遇，他的爱国热情却并未因此受到任何损伤。他常对我说，英国是全世界最了不起的国家，他觉得自己比哪国人都优越得多，不管什么美国人、殖民地人、达哥人、荷兰人，或是卡纳加人，全不在他眼里。

然而我认为他生活得并不幸福。他长期患消化不良症，嘴里经常含着一片胃蛋白酶药片。每天上午他的胃口都不很好，但是如果只是这一病痛还不致于使他的精神受到伤害。他的生活还有一桩更大的不幸：八年以前他轻率地同一个女人结了婚。有一些男人，慈悲的天意注定叫他们终生作个单身汉，但是他们有的人由于任性，有的人由于拗不过环境，却违背了上帝的意旨。再没有谁比这种结了婚的单身汉更叫人可怜了。尼柯尔斯船长就是这样一个人。我看见过他的老婆；我想，她的年龄不过二十七八岁，但是她是那种永远让人摸不清究竟多大岁数的女人，这种人二十岁的时候不比现在样子年轻，到了四十岁也不会显得更老。她给我的印象是皮紧肉瘦，一张并不标致的面孔紧绷绷的，嘴唇只是薄薄的一条线，全身皮肤都紧包着骨头。她轻易不露笑容，头发紧贴在头上，衣服瘦瘦的，白斜纹料子看去活象是黑色的邦巴辛毛葛。我想象不出，为什么尼柯尔斯船长要同她结婚，既然结了婚为什么又不把她甩掉。也许他已经不止一次这样做过，他的悲哀就来源于哪次都没有成功。不论他跑多么远，不论他藏身多么隐秘，尼柯尔斯太太就象命运一样无可逃避，象良心一样毫无怜悯，马上就会来到他身边。他逃不脱她，就象有因必有果一样。