The New and Improved 10 Commandments of Networking

As with everything that we do, this has evolved over the years. Because we don't believe in revisionist history, you can always still find the original version over at http://www.ITintheD.com/68/the-ten-commandments-of-networking/ if you're so inclined...but this version's been updated. Why?  Because it needed to be.  It's been two and a half years since that first version was written, and things have changed since then.  We've also been doing some speaking engagements using this as the foundation of our presentation and discussion flow, and we've gotten some great feedback from people.  And...well, we also noticed that we might've been a little snarky about some personal things going on at the time the original was published, and so we decided it was time for an update to the version here on the site as well... As I sit here watching History of the World, Part 1 for, oh, it must be the 8,173rd time...it dawned on me. If Mel Brooks can use the Ten Commandments to completely crack me up every time I watch his film, then surely I can use them to help those asking "What's networking?" (it's when a bunch of people get together with a common purpose...and, I know...don't call you "Shirley") Yeah, sorry. I watched Airplane!, too. So as we get ready to close out 2011 and start preparations for our 2012 events (and, yes, watching old comedies that I've seen a bajillion times), I thought I would take the time to put my thoughts towards another blog entry...because as Mel would surely agree...we've all met That Guy that breaks them. And so I give unto you these fifteen...[shatter]...oops...ten. Yes, TEN Commandments...for all to obey. (and if you don't catch that reference, do yourself...and me...a favor. Go rent History of the World, Part 1. Immediately) COMMANDMENT I - Thou Shall Understand The Importance Of Networking This one blows up in people's faces.  A lot.  We all know "That Guy".  The person that you've tried to get out to a networking event (ours or another) so that they can meet people.  Or maybe you just wanted to get them out for drinks with a few people from work.  Or maybe there's a recruiter that you invited them to come along for lunch and meet. But they always have a reason not to go. They're too busy.  There's too much work.  There's something else that needs to be done.  They don't want to.  Whatever the reason...they never seem to make it. And then...and this happens so many times...suddenly they need to network.  They get fired.  They get laid off.  The company closed.  Whatever the reason...now they're the ones ringing your phone off the hook and filling up your inbox asking when the next event is, or can they have the name of that recruiter again?  The one that always comes to mind for me is a guy that I tried to talk into coming to an event for seven months, and he always had a reason that he couldn't make it.  And then he got fired.  At the end of the day on the very day that his wife went into labor.  Guess who called me from the parking lot of the hospital the next morning as he drank a coffee after watching his son come into the world to make sure that our event was still taking place the next night?  Bingo.   COMMANDMENT II - Beware of False Prophets There are many kinds of networking events out there. Some are designed to help you find jobs. Some are designed to convince you to cash out your savings to start selling some freaky new juice to your friends and co-workers. Some are designed to be a support group to let you talk with other unemployed folks to compare notes. Some are introductory events for multi-level marketing "systems". Don't get us wrong - if those events are what you're looking for, then we hope they work out for the best for you. Just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into beforehand. Just because they call themselves a "networking event", or "Job Fair" or even a "Pink Slip Party" doesn't mean that they're what you're looking for. We've all made the mistake of not asking enough questions before attending an event...and it usually doesn't turn out well. Remember - if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is, and don't be afraid to ask as many questions as you need to in order to feel comfortable before showing up. Especially when you're in an immediate need, there's nothing worse than having your time wasted. And for the love of all that's good in the world people...use some common sense.  Some of the events out there are just flat-out money grabs.  If you're paying $10 to $20 to go to an event because they're offering a "complimentary bar" or "complimentary drinks" for the first hour...wise up.  There's nothing "complimentary" going on there.  Those drinks aren't free.  You're paying for them in advance, and they're betting that you'll run late, or won't drink much, or won't be able to get anywhere near the overly-crowded bar to get a drink in the first place...and they can pocket your cash with zero payout.  Why does an event need color coded nametags?  Because there are too many people there that have precisely nothing to offer you beyond a stupid sales pitch to buy insurance or move your 401k.  Or worse.   COMMANDMENT III - Thou Shall Be Prepared Read the website and announcement of the group that's throwing the event. Find out everything you can about what you should, and should not, expect. Find a contact email and fire off some questions. Head on over to VistaPrint or OverNight Prints or your local Kinkos and get yourself some business cards made up for yourself. Nothing fancy or extravagant necessary - your name, a phone number, an email address, and a one-liner title for yourself. Even something as simple as "Oracle DBA" or "Network Engineer" will help in the long run...in fact, the simpler it is, the better. You want the person that you hand a card to one night to be able to quickly and easily remember you when the next morning rolls around and they're in the office shuffling through the deck of cards they picked up. Do you want them to have to try and remember you randomly out of the 50 or more conversations that they had last night, or do you want them to have something that says "Oh yeah - here's that Oracle DBA that I talked with about that job with that new client who has an immediate need...I'd better call and get them in here today if I can for an interview"? Dress appropriately.  We always tell people that the best way to get you in the right mindset is this: Think of being at a bar (because, well, our events take place in bars…), and imagine that at the table next to you, you hear someone talking about needing to hire someone for what is basically your dream job. Don’t wear anything that would keep you from approaching that person and starting a conversation.   COMMANDMENT IV - Thou Shall Not Have Anxiety Look, we get it - networking isn't easy for everyone. Let me let you in on a little (not so well kept) secret - it's not easy for anyone.  We all have social anxiety.  We all, even the most outgoing salesperson in the bunch, get nervous when we're out of our element.  Meeting new people can be hard, especially when you've got a laser-like focus of trying to find a new job now Now NOW. It's okay.  Breathe. If you've followed the first three commandments, you're already in a better spot than most people.  You're starting ahead of time.  You're in a group that has merit, value, and meaning to you on a personal and/or professional level.  You've done your homework and you're prepared.  Even if you haven't, the situation can still be salvaged...assuming you at least followed Commandment II. So relax.  This is a piece of cake.  It doesn't matter if there are 20 people or 200 people in the room you're about to dive into...relax.  Don't get overwhelmed.  You don't sit down on a barstool and try to down a shot of each liquor behind the bar within the first 15 minutes of showing up (note: if you do, you need to read this, and then you need an intervention), you also don't need to meet everyone in the room as soon as you arrive, either.  If you have the chance, always bring a friend with you.  This not only ensures that you'll have at least one person that will help you relax by your side...but as Bob and I have found out first hand, it can also lead to some stories for later on if it goes wrong. If nothing else, your fallback should always be the meeting organizer - the person or people actually putting together and throwing the event that you're attending.  Whether they like it or not, their job that night is to make sure that you get whatever you need out of the event.  It's on them to get you started.  So the pressure's not even on you...it's on someone else. Feeling better yet? ...and here's a tip - if the organizer fails this simple, basic test...leave.  Just turn around and walk out the door.  If they can't engage you in a conversation...if they can't help you identify at least a couple of people in the room that you should be engaging with...leave. Trust us.   COMMANDMENT V - Thou Shall Not Be "That Guy" We've taken the time to tell you about over sixty different kinds of That Guy. They are real, they exist, and every single one of them stems from a personal interaction and chain of events that forced us to write another entry to keep the story from screaming in our heads until it's out there. Jehovah's Witness Guy.  Oily Weasel Guy.  Sense of Entitlement Guy. Multi-Level Marketing Guy.  Greedy Networking Guy.  Creepy Guy.  Drunk Guy. All of them real.  All of them annoying as all hell. All of them...each and every one...a cautionary tale. All of them...someone that you do not want to be. Ever.   COMMANDMENT VI - Thou Shall Not Have An Elevator Pitch Look, we get it.  There are tons of idiots out there telling you that you need to have an elevator pitch - some 30 second shpiel about who you