The Opportunity Hidden in the Pain

One of the biggest challenges in life is seeing someone else receive the very blessing that we have been praying for for so many years. Naturally, it hurts. A person wonders why Hashem is giving others what he so desperately wants while he still has to wait. A woman who had been in shidduchim for more than twenty years shared the following powerful insight. She had recently completed an entire fourteen-week cycle of Shemirat HaLashon and had been praying throughout for her own yeshuah. One day, she received a phone call from a woman she had known for many years. The woman was calling to ask for information regarding a shidduch prospect. Immediately, her eyes lit up. She thought her yeshuah had finally arrived. But then the woman on the other end of the line asked about her nineteen-year-old niece who had just returned from seminary. The words pierced her heart. It was not only that what she still thought of as her baby niece was already in shidduchim. It was that after waiting more than twenty years herself, she was being asked to help someone who had only just begun the process. She felt deeply hurt. What made it even harder was that she felt the caller was not being sensitive to her situation. At first, she could not understand it. After all of her tefillot, all of her chesed, tzedakah, and spiritual growth, why would Hashem send her such a painful experience? But then she caught herself. This was not about the woman who called. This was Hashem giving her a tremendous opportunity. Would she become upset with the caller? Would she focus on the insensitivity? Or would she recognize that the caller was merely a messenger sent by Hashem to help her fulfill her purpose in life? Suddenly, she began to see the situation in a completely different light. Hashem was giving her an opportunity to be dan l'kaf zechut and give the caller the benefit of the doubt. Hashem was giving her a chance to earn an enormous zechut for herself and for Klal Yisrael. This was her opportunity to rise above her natural feelings and do exactly what Hashem wanted her to do. And that is what she did. Instead of allowing the pain to dictate her response, and instead of saying something hurtful, she did what she knew would make Hashem proud. She gave a glowing report of her niece. She spoke enthusiastically and did everything she could to help the shidduch move forward. Later, she reflected on the experience and felt genuinely grateful that she had been able to rise above the challenge. She harbors no animosity toward the caller and sincerely hopes that her niece finds a wonderful shidduch. We do not understand Hashem's calculations. We do not know why one person receives a yeshuah immediately while another person must wait for years. But we do know that every situation in our lives is tailor-made for us by Hashem and filled with endless opportunities for growth. Sometimes our greatest accomplishments are the ones that nobody sees. The battle takes place entirely within the heart. When a person is hurting and still chooses to act with kindness, generosity, and emunah, that achievement is beyond comprehension. These are the moments that bring the geulah closer. One act of being dan l'kaf zechut while we are hurting, one act of overcoming hurt feelings, one act of recognizing that everything came from Hashem and responding the way He wants us to respond—these are among the greatest accomplishments a person can achieve in this world. It is extremely difficult to overcome hurt feelings, especially when they come through what feels like insensitivity. We hope that this zechut will be the one this woman needs to find her own zivug. But regardless, the zechut she earned will remain with her for all eternity and will bring her untold reward. May Hashem help all of us respond properly to the challenges He sends us and enable us to maintain peaceful and happy relationships with everyone around us. If someone is currently experiencing pain because of an insensitive comment or action, he should recognize the golden opportunity before him. By rising above the hurt and responding the way Hashem wants him to, he earns an eternal accomplishment and frees himself from so much unnecessary anguish. And with Hashem's help, in that zechut, may he see blessings and success. Amen.