The Paper Round That Funded My Failed Smoking Career

At thirteen I was paid £4.95 to deliver 247 newspapers.Each one earned me two pence.This was not the glamorous kind of paper round where you delivered the Sunday papers from the local newsagent and were rewarded with Christmas tips from loyal Daily Mail readers.No.This was the freebie paper.Every other week, 247 copies would be dumped in our garage on top of the chest freezer — which, by the way, is only useful if you need to store a lot of frozen food or dispose of a body.Stacks and stacks of papers would sit there until I had the motivation to perform this thankless task — often with my mum in tow helping, and eventually taking over completely. This, I’m not proud of.As you can imagine, the weight of 247 newspapers is extremely heavy and, although I was provided with a luminous orange plastic bag that sat perfectly against the back of my knees — taking me out every other step — I quickly realised I needed another method of transportation.To begin with, my mum followed me in her car with a back-up supply of papers to reload the orange bag, in a sort of kerb-crawling manner. It was both impractical and possibly illegal.It was at this point that my mum had one of her ingenious ideas.My nan had a pull-along shopping trolley.When my sister and I stayed with her as kids, we would slip into her daily routine of walking down the huge hill she lived on to Safeways to pick up The Sun for my grandad, along with a loaf of bread and some milk, before walking back up the enormous hill home. I enjoyed keeping her company while my sister would race ahead pulling the trolley behind her.It was one of those boxy, waist-height trolleys in purple check material, pulled along on two wheels with a stand to keep it upright when loading shopping.It is only used by people who also collect a pension or can ride a bus for free.So here I was, in that all-important coming-of-age early-teen stage, pulling my nan’s shopping trolley around the village delivering the local freebie paper — which I later learned was only really read by our immediate neighbour, Tony.On reflection, delivering one next door and the remaining 246 to the local skip would have been a far easier job — and one I later learned was the method used by anyone else who nominated themselves for this particular paper round, carving off the pen marks down the edge that indicated whose round was whose.The joy I felt when that small square brown envelope dropped through the letterbox.I would count out the pound coins and loose change before cramming it into my pocket for a Friday night well spent at the park.My friend Jenaire and I would pool our coins together so we had enough for ten Marlboro Lights and a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 — our favourite flavour being Strawberry and Kiwi.I always felt slightly like an imposter at the park. I used to think they were very generous to let me join the group, which was mainly made up of kids from the year above. The boys wore spliffy jeans — low-slung denim embroidered with a boy smoking a spliff — and the girls wore an array of sovereign rings on both hands, sometimes even hanging from chains around their necks.I had neither of these fashion statements.Despite the reputation of groups of teenagers hanging around parks, we really were harmless. Jenaire, my trusted ally, was one of the most kind-hearted, gentle souls. If I’m honest, I think Jenaire and I earned our place in the group through association with much cooler older siblings and the ultimate key of approval — cigarettes and alcohol.Ironically, the hours and hours of my life I lost doing that paper round were probably doubled by what I used the money for.The paper round lasted less than a year, but I desperately tried to start the habit of smoking for many years after.I just couldn’t get on board.The last time I tried was only a few years ago when a friend brought over some Vogue super-slimline cigarettes — très chic.I took one drag and instantly vomited.Not très chic.£4.95 well spent.What did you spend your first pay check on? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toriecampbell.substack.com