The pattern of domestic abuse is an ancient one in my family. How can I be part of the healing?' Listener question

I recently became aware of how deeply domestic abuse is rooted in my family.  As I'm reading See what you made me do. 7 years ago I left a marriage of 22 years of crazy abuse, and now I'm watching the cycle repeat itself with my eldest son and his wife. I don't know what to do.  She is very much in the place of protecting him and justifying the abuse.  I have tried to broach it before but if I bring it up with her she will most probably tell him and it will backfire and hurt her more.  It will also alienate her from me and make it more difficult to help her in the long run. I have thought of giving my son the book "See what you made me do" and asking him to read it. That may make it worse too. I'm feeling confused between understanding the relative truth and the truth in this situation.  I don't want to fall into spiritual bypass either. I'm also wanting to see more deeply into what's really going I here so I can help clients in similar positions. Can you help me shed some light on this please Clare.