The Person and Their Behavior

Many parents have felt like selling their kids to the circus or letting the neighbors take care of them for a few minutes, days, or months.   Many employers have felt like pushing the ejector-seat button at meetings and having the “bad” employee launched into space. Somewhere else… anywhere but here. Neither of those are the “correct” solution to “bad” behavior. It’s important to remember that the person is not their behavior. You can love a person and not like their behavior. And that’s the conversation to have - “What you’re doing right now isn’t what’s needed. The behavior you’re showing needs to stop.”  That’s so different from, “why are you being such a brat (or the other b-word)?” Get the perspective that they’re not doing this TO you. The behavior is coming out as a sign of pain and they need acknowledgment and even to be contained. At work, “this behavior isn’t appropriate” is an okay thing to say.  HR Note: People are moved out of work engagements because their behavior isn’t appropriate. (You can document behavior; you can’t document “a bad attitude.”)  And if it’s you that’s having an “off” day, take note of that too. You can still love yourself and your life and not love that you’re feeling irritable because you ate the wrong thing or slept badly or have some other ache or pain. Change your perspective to notice that the person who is exhibiting the “bad” behavior isn’t a bad person.   Find a place of compassion, recognizing that the other person might be in pain. Ask yourself what that person really needs at this moment. And remember these steps work for you when you’re having an “off” day. Thank you for listening to One Sharp Sword!  Be sure to also check out Wednesdays With Wayne for quick, fun, and inspirational mid-week reading.  www.WaynePernell.com/blog