The Pirate King by Tennessee Wayne

Yeah. You see 'em in the movies, the pirates with the eyepatches and the parrots. Saying "arr" and walking the plank. Cute. But look around you. The real pirates ain't on no galleon. They're in penthouses. [Verse 1 ] They brought the pirate captain to the court of the king Said "You steal a few silver pieces, you're a villainous thing" The captain just laughed, with a gold-toothed grin Said "Your Majesty, let's be honest about the shape we're in" He said "I rob a few ships on a seven-sea span But you, you steal the whole world, any way that you can" [Chorus] So hail to the Pirate King! Watch his tiny little fingers work the puppet string! He don't wear a peg leg, he wears a bad toupee He'll steal your tomorrow and sell you today! Yo ho ho, he's got a billion-dollar scheme And he tells you it's a treasure, but it's rust and it's steam! [Verse 2] He's got a golden toilet on a marble deck And a map to a country he just ran into a wreck He calls himself a builder, calls himself a boss But the only thing he's sailing is the good ship Double Cross He says "Trust me, says I, I'm the only one who cares" While he's pickin' at your pocket on the Senate downstairs [Chorusl] So hail to the Pirate King! Watch his tiny little fingers work the puppet string! He don't wear a cutlass, he wears a red silk tie He'll look you in the eye and he'll happily lie! Yo ho ho, he's got a billion-dollar grift And the fools on the shore think he's some kind of gift [Bridge - spoken-sung, Tennessee Wayne getting worked up] Saint Augustine told the world, and it's plain to see "A kingdom without justice is just a big old robbery." Well, this ain't a kingdom, friends. This here's a ransom note. He's the Pirate King of the boardroom, the pulpit, the vote. He says "I alone can fix it," well, fix it for who? He's already sold the anchor, the hull, and the crew! [Verse 3 - quieter, darker] The copper pirates on the lakes, they're just small-time folks They steal a little wire, tell a little joke But the Pirate King, he steals the pension and the farm He steals the very idea of "doin' no harm" He's got a pirate fleet of white-collar thieves And the flag on his mast is just a bundle of leaves [Outro ] Hey! (HEY!) What do you do with a pirate king? (WHAT DO YOU DO?) You stop believing anything! He's a grift! He's a con! He's a gold-plated sin! And the ship he's on is the one we're all in! So raise up your glass, but don't drink his rum The Pirate King's day is gonna come... The Pirate King's day is gonna come... undone.