The Power and Influence of Significant Others: Influence, Ultimatums, and Estranged Adult Children

A partner. A friend. A therapist. A faith community. Sometimes a voice online we will never meet. When our adult child begins to pull away, we often find ourselves searching for the person who changed them. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp looks honestly at the influence other people hold in our adult children’s lives, including the ultimatums that can feel impossible, and gently offers a different question to ask.In This Episode•    Why who turned your adult child against us may not be the right question after        all•    The difference between healthy influence and unhealthy influence, and how to        tell them apart•    What to do when you are facing an ultimatum, the is it them or me moment•    Why trying to fight an influencer head-on so often backfires•    Where your actual power lies and how to respond (in unfamiliar conversations)        without escalating (or alienating)Voices From This Episode•    "One of the most common questions asked by estranged parents is, what happened to my son or daughter? Many describe watching their once independent, thoughtful, compassionate, loving adult child adopt beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors that seem unfamiliar or dramatically different from the person they knew. Often I hear this as fear, impatience, anger, resentment, accusations."•    "Healthy influence strengthens an individual's ability to think critically, to maintain multiple meaningful relationships, and make voluntary choices. Unhealthy influence, by contrast, narrows perspective, discourages independent thinking, and may reinforce fear, loyalty conflicts, and emotional dependency. Unhealthy influence oftentimes reduces the number of relationships and focuses on one or two primary relationships."•    "There's great wisdom in Michael Corleone's line from The Godfather: keep your friends close but your enemies closer. That applies in estrangement. That's not to say unhealthy influences or influencers in your child's life are enemies. It's only to recognize that alienating them will only make your situation worse."•    "If you are sitting with something that feels impossible right now, an ultimatum, a person you don't trust, a relationship you're afraid of losing, that is exactly the kind of situation I help parents work through one at a time."•    "Here's what I hope you carry away from this episode. Maybe the question, who influenced our adult child, is not the right question. Maybe it is how influence works and whether you can see it clearly enough and respond without escalating. That is where your power as a parent actually is." ConnectFind the show on YouTube at @DrJanetSteinkamp. If you know a parent who is quietly carrying this, share this episode with them.One Next StepIf you are sitting with something that feels impossible right now, an ultimatum, a person you do not trust, a relationship you are afraid of losing, that is exactly the kind of situation Dr. Janet helps parents work through one on one. You can find out how through the website.●Virtual Office Hours: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours●60-Minute Consultation: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/service-page/60-minute-consultation●Fall 2026 Workshops: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/copy-of-classes●Writer's Lab: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/writers-lab#FamilyEstrangement  #AdultChildren  #EstrangedParents  #ParentingAdultChildren  #Reconciliation  #FamilyHealing  #Ultimatums  #EstrangementRecovery  #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway  #DrJanetSteinkamp  #FamilyRelationships  #HealingFromEstrangement  #ParentChildRelationship  #Boundaries  #Empathy LEARN MORE: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.comProduced by Balancing Life’s Issues.Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!DISCLAIMERThe content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet SteinkampWhen Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.