The Pray Project

Hello and welcome to the Gifted Life Podcast where we have conversations about organ tissue and eye donation and transplantation. You can always find us at the GiftedLife.org. I'm Roy Steele. I'm Sarah Blake-Mar and I'm Susanna Grady.

Susanna, great to have you back in the studio. Thank you for having me again. We love it. What are we talking about today?

So today we're going to be talking about the Pray Project, how faith leaders are working to debunk misinformation about donations in their communities. And we're also going to be talking about the differences in using validation versus affirmation in your relationships. Alright, lots to come here on the Gifted Life. Let's do it.

Here on the Gifted Life we are so excited to introduce you to our new friend Jessica Fisher. How are you Jessica? I'm doing well. Thank you for having me.

Yes, the communications coordinator at Laioreau. What does that stand for? The Life Alliance Organ Recovery Agency is an awful... It's about like that Laioreau.

Sounds fancy. So we are on the Hills of National Donor Sabbath. We celebrate in November and we heard about this project that you were spearheading and we were like how perfect. So it's called the Pray Project.

Is that right? Yes. Okay. And then just tell us the gist of the Pray Project real quick.

So the idea behind it is to get our faith-based community working with us and what we do. I think that's... Well, not I think, but they really don't really know what we do. They don't understand how they play a role in it because some of them make support and think, well, it's written in our text, but they don't realize that sometimes they're parishioners, the people who listen to them have a different set up.

They have a different point of view about it. So we thought that it would be great to have them work with us and with our approach team and with the families and the idea of the evolved from there. The program has evolved from there actually. Amazing.

I don't know the project how it unfolds, but I love, love, love, use data to kind of start. Here's where we are. Here's where we want to be. So walk us through what you guys were looking at and then what you put into play to kind of combat the numbers.

Okay. So the first thing we did was look at our decline data and we noticed that the clients based on religious reasons was the top two or the top two, or even the top three or the top two because it varied week to week. And once we realized that, I was like, this is something that I could use in my faith-based outreach. So with that, that's when we started looking to look into our partners and asking them, hey, would you guys like to work with us in this initiative to talk to the other families about organization as it relates to their religion.

So did this program include education for your faith-based leaders? How did you engage with those leaders to begin with? So we did a mixture of things. First, it was people who I've worked with, whether it's attending their events or they actually speak with them.

Then there are our hospitals that have hospital contacts, we reached into those resources and then just doing the regular cold calling. And once we did that, some people responded, they were interested, and then we did a quick training module where we just told them about life alliance, layover, and then we told them how organization works and how we envision a program, the first project, working and how they would fit into that. Just quickly, because sometimes we use language that people in the community don't understand. So when we say decline, what we mean is when we approach a family for organization or organization, when they decline, that means they're saying no to donation process.

So we make that clear to families out there. So when we say consent, that means you would like to proceed with the organization and decline means that you decline that opportunity. Good point. I love that.

You use those declines to kind of center in and make positive change. So I love that. So how did you feel overall? Was it well received when you were doing cold calls, when you were reaching out?

Did you feel like when we did the tutorial that they were invested, they were actively listening? Well, I would say that those who were interested were definitely interested, but I think it was intimidating at first. Because this is my job. I didn't realize how intimidating that might be because I want who may, you know, they may agree with organization, they may support it, but to actually get in front of a family or, you know, that actually, like that was something that they probably couldn't see themselves doing and were uncomfortable with.

So even though there were, these are people who wanted me to come and speak to their parishioners, these are people who wanted me to speak or attend their events, them doing the same with the families was different. So it was a lot harder to get them into the program. So I found that people who already had experience with organization, whether it was a donor, a donor dad, he was a rabbi, he was interested and he wanted to help out Harvard, which way he can't, or a reverent who used to be a part of the local approach team way back when. And then she was like, yes, of course I want to do this.

So then I realized that it had to do with their experience, had a lot to do with their comfort level, which actually helped me know what direction I would like this program to go into. Jessica, that's just fascinating. So basically, your volunteers that were the most engaged came from donation experiences. Right.

And you also mentioned something really interesting, the ministers or pastoral care that would have approached the family about donation, correct? Yeah, they were part of their approach team. Yeah. So would that be like pastoral care within a hospital that was part of that approach?

Yeah. So we're, although say the project aside, what usually happens is sometimes families, if they say yes, they still would like to have someone from their faith group come speak to them or do a last prayer with them before they release the donors to go on to donate. But, you know, that's not always possible. So that was another reason why we wanted to do this project.

So we could have some contacts in the community where these families would have a resource. And even if they didn't want to send to donation, that's also fine. But if they would like to have somebody with them during their time of grief, we also wanted to have someone there with them. I think that's pretty impressive.

The proactive part of that because, so I approach families in our community. And we always ask, is there a pastoral care? Is there someone in your community and your faith community who you would like here to support you through this? And a lot of times they do.

Families want to have their faith leaders be a part of their decision-making and a part of their end of life decisions. Because a lot of faiths have end of life ceremonies or rituals that they would like to incorporate. So being proactive and combining that and reaching out to them initially is really impressive. Jessica, obviously we like your project here.

We have lots of questions. Yeah. So tell us, I know that we talked about the Pray Project was born after you got this data. So when did it start?

And then talk about what you're seeing. Is it working? What's the goal? Okay.

So I'll try to answer it. So when did it start? It really kind of started when I first was hired because that was something that the organization saw that we could improve. And I just found the community trying to get contact and things like that.

But it didn't necessarily pick up until last year. And I think the reason why I picked up was because of the data. We actually could see the effects of not having these relationships. We're not strengthening the relationships we already had.

So once we saw that, I was like, okay, it's time to create a training model. It's time to engage people we already have here and then go from there because if you never start, then you're never going to get somewhere you want to go. So once I did that, we got a couple people who were interested in helping us. And they were instrumental in starting the program, building the foundation.

Once we got them involved and they went through the training course, we were able to see what we should be teaching. Like kind of like where it was intimidating. And we kind of fell back off putting or introducing the individuals as somebody who would be helpful with the approach team. And then started exploring ways on how they could just help us because I was able to sit in a DFA meeting, DFA meeting, DFA meeting, doing a family advocate.

And they had the ones who worked with the families in our organization and approached them. And they were saying that they don't usually have anyone, they don't have relationships with the past or care, which I thought was surprising after some reason I thought that they did in the hospital that they frequented. So they were saying that they would like to be able to have somebody who they could talk to or can help them speak to the families. So as the conversation progressed, I realized that they kind of wanted advice.

And then speaking to one in particular, and with Gracie, as she said, you know, in our other program, the volunteers, they don't just start off doing big things for us. We kind of get to know us and get to know the organization. And then as they become more comfortable, then they like ask to do more or we call on them to help us with bigger projects. And that's true.

So then I kind of realized, hey, we need to kind of flip this and say, why don't we have them advise us. And then as they advise us and get to know us in the organization, down the line, we could ask them if it comes to a particular family where we feel like their presence will help, then we can do that. But for right now asking us to join off the bat, that would be the best thing because like I said before, that would be intimidating. They probably wouldn't know what to do or say.

So that's kind of how we progress from the beginning to where I am right now. So you basically had a process of training, then onboarding these volunteers to be advocates for you in the community. I'm certain that there are a lot of myths about donation and religion that you come across and you've had to educate your leaders about these myths. Do you want to share some of those with us?

Oh, yeah, there's so many. You know, a lot of times the Catholic is not something that they support. And then it's not like a specific, they just say, all right, they just something that's not supported. But I found out a lot of the Catholic leadership and clergy and our area has been pretty supportive.

So we've been able to come to that as far as the Jewish religion, the Orthodox Jews, they tend to be very, they don't really like doing donation after death. So they're very willing to do living donation. So getting the education to them to kind of say, Hey, this is something that can work too. But there's a lot of, well, there's actual laws in place where they like the highlight, I'm going to really budget the word.

It's a law and it goes with brain death and how long it should take for a Jewish person to bury that day, follow. And they said, because of this law, we don't want to do organization, but there's actually an organization called HODS, which is a really good, really good organization. And they're actually advocating for organ donation. They have a society of rabbis to actually work to educate the community about organ donation.

It's a good thing. And, you know, it'll be great for if a Jewish person or any person, they'd be like, that's the best thing that they could do. So there's a lot of different myths in this, like with every faith, but the Jewish faith and the Catholic faith is really big in the area that we serve here in South Florida. Yeah, because, you know, when we also do decline reviews, so we look at the reasons families say no to donation and we try to problem solve.

And one of the things we found is that explaining and understanding the religious and cultural end of life rituals is really important because most faiths, all major religions support donation, but there might be some end of life rituals that need to take place for that family to be comfortable. So bringing in those faith leaders to be a part of that has been really beneficial for us, and it's been really beneficial for the families. So I think y'all are doing a really great job. And Jessica, it sounds like a labor of love for you.

You said, you know, when you first started until now. So we have been trying. And I like that like we're going to try this. Does it work?

But our goal is to keep moving forward. Was there like an aha like yes, we're moving in the right direction moment. Once you kind of got your momentum going. Was there a I think the aha only came in when Grace is holding me.

Hey, you know, we need to take time with even the we do that we kind of have to act. We have to let them get comfortable with us out. And I noticed that now when I'm reaching out to new people, new contacts, they're a lot more open to. With me or something because when I was saying, Hey, can you do an informal presentation for my team?

Like we were we took a big organ donation to South Florida. We worked with all different types of families. We would like to know how to this serve families of your religion. This is nothing that will take too much of your time.

And they're really responsive to it because I think they I think, especially now people just want to help. And especially when it's an effort to save lives that that goes even further. So I think that's really going to help me and I'm excited to see where it goes from here because right now we're kind of building our starter team. We don't have every we don't have a person.

But we do have people who are willing to help. And I think that's a great starting point. Once we have one person for each religion, I think I'll be so happy. It's going to be a great announcement.

And maybe even a party. We're taking notes. We're going to like right on your co-tales girl. We're going to learn from you.

We love that. So folks were listening and like, Oh, this is great. If they want to learn more, where would you send them or what would you have them do? I would give them my contact information.

My email is jjf128 at myenie.edu. Really simple. And yeah, email me. You email my director Nicole Lejier.

I know that she's been in contact with Lopa. Always those contact us on social media. We are in the already rem or Laora. Life Alliance, like any of those variations you'll find us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.

And yeah, we're always willing to talk away to help them are very, very responses. So Jessica, during this time, specifically with a global pandemic and with a lot of people not being able to reach their family members of their out of state, how have the faith leaders provided support when the families aren't there? So right now, they're able to speak over the phone. So if we have a family who wants to speak to a faith-based leader, our DFA will work or don't have any advocates.

They will find somebody and then if the person is able to donate some time, those will speak to them over the phone because our hospitals are not allowing anyone to come in at the moment. But as far as our project goes, in order for us to meet them to make it from somewhat normal, we do it over Zoom. And we do a lot. We have our informal Zoom presentations.

And I'd like to really like to point out the fact whenever I think of them, this is going to be informal. So they don't feel a lot of pressure. Because they may not know enough about organ donations that are comfortable to talk about it. But if I let them know, they know that they can share some scriptures.

They can share what they should tell their permissioners. And we could just tell them our experiences. It could be a conversation that way they could get to know us, as much as they can right now. Right.

And I love that it takes the pressure off of them. It's not their job to help the family make a decision about donation. That's what your family advocates are for. That's where your donor family advocates are for.

They could just be there as a supportive guide and someone that they can trust. Exactly. Miami, as with New Orleans, you have a lot of people from across the United States and the world that travel to be in Miami. Is this an extra layer of support that you can provide those from around the world?

Definitely. I mean, we have a lot of donor family members that we support. And with this, actually that we support and they keep in contact with us that have come on vacation and unfortunately passed away. And this measure, I think, will be an added level of comfort for them.

Because, I mean, I can't imagine hearing that my loved one was on vacation. And I was talking to them and now they're just gone. And now they, someone asking, like, hey, would you like them to be an organ? Or do you like that?

Crazy for me. But I think giving them this comfort at this time and then I know that we're here, I think that will definitely be helpful. And, you know, that's our job at the end of the day is to care for these families. And one of the painful times, but that can also become like, you know, a life saving moment, something that they'll never forget and that can live on.

I like that. And you've been helpful to us and to our listeners. Thank you for being open. Honest, walking us through the Prey project today.

No, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity. Yes. And we will continue to learn and visit with you and learn from you.

Thank you, Miss Jessica Fisher. Thank you. On the gifted life, we take a moment for mental health. All right, Sarah.

What are we talking about today? All right, guys. See today, we're going to talk about affirmation versus validation, but specifically and communicating with a partner or a friend, but anybody in your life here close with intimately. So first, let's just start with what they are.

So affirmation means that you not only hear the person who and what they're sharing with you, but you agree. That's the difference. Validation is just hearing someone. So when you feel validated, you feel heard, correct?

Yeah. Yeah. But when you feel affirmed, you feel not only heard, but that they agree with you and they want the same things you want. So you're on the same page.

Yes, exactly. So the main thing to know is that in relationships, you don't have to always be on the same page and you don't have to agree about everything because that's, I mean, goodness, thank you. Is that realistic with any relationship? No, no.

No. But you do want to be heard. And when you're communicating with them, you want to let them know that either they're heard or they're heard and you agree because that can create. If you feel heard and you think that they agree when they don't, that'll cause problems like your own.

Right? Sure. So let's do some areas. So say you and your husband are talking and you're telling him or her that you want to spend more time together.

If he only validates you and doesn't affirm, he is saying that he doesn't necessarily agree. Maybe he thinks that time apart is good for you. So you want to make sure that you're using language correct. So if you are affirming him, you're saying, yes, I'm not going to be able to do that.

You're affirming him. You're saying, yes, I agree. And I would like that too. But when you're just validating, you're just saying, I hear you.

I understand your needs. Aren't this busy? Life? Uh huh.

Yes. Aren't you saying something? Yes. It's really important to just incorporate this into understanding what these are.

So that when someone is sharing something with you, you express yourself further than just I hear you. Because validation is really important. Everybody wants to be heard. We all need that.

But especially in relationships, it needs to go a step further than just being heard to understanding the other person's viewpoint. Yeah. And I think like so fast paced world and technology and especially the world that we're living in with COVID and all that stuff like, it's hard because there's so much going on. So like to concentrate on quiet, listen, take it in, process.

Calm down. I totally agree with that person too. Yeah. It's deeper listening to the meaning behind the words.

And it's really important in partnerships to really fully understand what they're saying and to also communicate well and feel heard. So when you do this, when you acknowledge each other's viewpoints and you can fully understand the other person's viewpoint, it deescalates future problems, right? Because you understand that person and you can express whether you agree or disagree. I agree.

And I agree. Yeah. Or I disagree. And here's why.

And you communicate why you disagree and understand it's okay too. This is such a great tool to teach children. Yeah. Absolutely.

It's just going a little bit further in your communication. It's knowing how to express yourself and how to hear others. You did a great job. Thank you.

I feel heard things that you said. I feel for you. Maybe you have a topic you'd like Sarah to cover. Email us at info at thegiftedlife.org.

In our question and answer segment, we've got a really good question today. How can I find out my religions stance on donation? I love when people go and search for information and want facts. I love that number one.

I'll take that one guys. So all major religion support donation. See it as an act of charity. So that's number one.

Number two, especially here in Louisiana, our faith leaders are so open like they want that discussion. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about our views. No matter what.

So I love that as well. But if you want to go on a computer read, do your research and then have that conversation. We have some resources for you too. So lopa.org slash clergy, lopa.org slash clergy.

So that's a resource page for you to go down. It kind of breaks it down for you. So you can read take notes, bring that to your faith leader. It's very good page.

Also, there's a national page. It's health resources service administration. So it's HRSA, right? So it's organ donor dot gov is the site organ donor dot gov.

And there they also have a breakdown of religion and donation. So great resources for you can learn at your own pace. But I love, love, love education is the key that you're out searching for facts. So if you have a question for us, give us a call.

504-648-3477. In every episode of the gifted life, we honor a hero. Today's hero is Trevyn Rettick from Life Alliance Organ Recovery Agency. We learn about Trevyn from his family.

On October 31st, 2011, our 19 year old son Trevyn lost his battle for life. After being declared brain dead, my husband and I were called into a room with a representative from the Life Alliance Organ Recovery Agency to make a life changing decision. At the time, Trevyn was not a registered organ donor. And as I sat in a days listening to what she was saying and staring at what seemed to be the end result of my son's life, I had one question.

Is there anything anyone can do to give my son back to me? After receiving a shattering note and for a brief second, I thought about what Trevyn would want me to do. Trevyn was a dear and sweet child, and he would have given anything to anyone if it was in his power to give. With him in mind, I decided to say yes to organ donation.

However, although I agreed to donation, I had no understanding of the impact it would have, not only in the lives of others, but my life as well. It wasn't until I received a letter from the organization stating Trevyn's organs were used to save lives of four people. I knew then that I had made the right decision. It's bittersweet, but I am honored to be a donor's mom.

There's not a day that goes by when I don't miss him and know he would be so honored to be a part of such a great cause. I am truly grateful that God has allowed us to take this horrible tragedy and turn it into a miracle for others. And now we pause and say thank you to Trevyn for the gift of life. That is episode 148, guys, of the Gifted Life Podcast.

Thanks for listening. Remember, you can register as an organ tissue and I don't or any time, register me.org. And a special thanks to Jessica Fisher of the Pray Project. It was really a great segment, so educational.

We really appreciate your time. Guys, the best place to find us is at our website, thegiftedlife.org. You can listen to any of our episodes at our website or on Apple, Google, Spotify, iHeartRadioPodcasts, or wherever you like to listen. If you do listen on Apple, please leave us a five-star reading so that others can find us.

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Thank you very much for joining us. We appreciate you having me again. And we hope everyone is smiling out there. And thank you for all you do to help us make life happen.

Now go out and do something you wouldn't normally do to help us do that and make life happen. We're one big team. Until next time. This is a production of Loba, a Louisiana Organ Procurement Agency.

The Gifted Life is hosted by Lori Steele, Joey Boudreau, and Sarah Blakemore, our executive producer is Kirsten Heins, producer Ishelon Caraway. Intern is Rebecca Rannam, and we are recorded, engineered, and mixed in our Covington, Louisiana studio by Troy Perez.