The Problem With Giving To Get: Unspoken Deals That Are Ruining Your Marriage episode artwork

EPISODE · May 22, 2025 · 11 MIN

The Problem With Giving To Get: Unspoken Deals That Are Ruining Your Marriage

from The Secure Husband · host M. Bruce Abbott, M.A, CPC

You do something nice.You help around the house.You give a compliment or say “I love you.”But deep down, you’re hoping she gives something back — maybe sex, affection, or appreciation.That’s called giving to get, and it’s ruining your connection.In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, we break down:What “giving to get” really meansWhy your wife feels confused or pressuredHow to stop scorekeeping and start leading with honestyWhy hidden expectations are hurting your marriageIn this video, you’ll learn how to:✅ Spot when you’re keeping score✅ Stop giving with strings attached✅ Heal the fear of being unwanted✅ Replace unspoken deals with real connection✅ Love without trying to control or earn affectionTopics Covered:The hidden damage of unspoken emotional contractsHow guilt and silent expectations push her awayWhy clear, calm leadership is more powerful than performanceHow to give from fullness, not fearHow to rebuild trust through honesty and strengthWhen you give to get, you create pressure.When you give from overflow, you create peace.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowthFor informational purposes only. This is not a medical or psychological diagnosis. Consult your physician regarding any necessary mental health diagnosis and treatment options. Always seek professional medical advice before starting any new treatment or therapy. Any and all information by or on this site is provided for promotional or informational purposes only and is not to be relied upon as a professional medical opinion whatsoever. This includes all digital content, including but not exhaustive of, email, blog, podcasts, events, any and all social media (inclusive of: Facebook, YouTube, TikTok and Instagram), webinars and other content whether or not they are available for purchase, as resources or education and information only. All content mentioned does not constitute professional legal or medical advice and is not guaranteed to be accurate, complete, reliable, current or error-free. By using this site, you accept and agree that following any information or recommendations provided therein and all digital content channels is at your own risk.

You do something nice.You help around the house.You give a compliment or say “I love you.”But deep down, you’re hoping she gives something back — maybe sex, affection, or appreciation.That’s called giving to get, and it’s ruining your connection.In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, we break down:What “giving to get” really meansWhy your wife feels confused or pressuredHow to stop scorekeeping and start leading with honestyWhy hidden expectations are hurting your marriageIn this video, you’ll learn how to:✅ Spot when you’re keeping score✅ Stop giving with strings attached✅ Heal the fear of being unwanted✅ Replace unspoken deals with real connection✅ Love without trying to control or earn affectionTopics Covered:The hidden damage of unspoken emotional contractsHow guilt and silent expectations push her awayWhy clear, calm leadership is more powerful than performanceHow to give from fullness, not fearHow to rebuild trust through honesty and strengthWhen you give to get, you create pressure.When you give from overflow, you create peace.If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.#deadbedroom #marriage #sexlessmarriage#MarriageHelp#SaveYourMarriage#SecureHusband#MarriageAdvice#RelationshipHealing#SelfWorth#InnerChildHealing#MensMentalHealth#SelfLoveJourney#EmotionalHealing#OvercomeRejection#HealthyMasculinity#MarriageCoaching#StopPeoplePleasing#SelfGrowthFor informational purposes only. This is not a medical or psychological diagnosis. Consult your physician regarding any necessary mental health diagnosis and treatment options. Always seek professional medical advice before starting any new treatment or therapy. Any and all information by or on this site is provided for promotional or informational purposes only and is not to be relied upon as a professional medical opinion whatsoever. This includes all digital content, including but not exhaustive of, email, blog, podcasts, events, any and all social media (inclusive of: Facebook, YouTube, TikTok and Instagram), webinars and other content whether or not they are available for purchase, as resources or education and information only. All content mentioned does not constitute professional legal or medical advice and is not guaranteed to be accurate, complete, reliable, current or error-free. By using this site, you accept and agree that following any information or recommendations provided therein and all digital content channels is at your own risk.

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The Problem With Giving To Get: Unspoken Deals That Are Ruining Your Marriage

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This episode was published on May 22, 2025.

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You do something nice.You help around the house.You give a compliment or say “I love you.”But deep down, you’re hoping she gives something back — maybe sex, affection, or appreciation.That’s called giving to get, and it’s ruining your connection.In...

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