The Promise

Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to "…never put Mom in a nursing home." When making that promise, most recall healthier times where the thought of going into a facility seemed far in the horizon. Reality sneaks up on the best of us, and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances. The tether of the promise can quickly transform to a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition. From personal safety to medical expertise, caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction – and overpowered by guilt. Despite the promise's sincerity, its roots often stem from ignorance about the peripheral havoc disease and injury can cause. Disparity and unsustainability quickly appear when a caregiver demands of herself - what an entire paid staff of people in a memory care facility accomplish. The promise must face honest scrutiny to reflect the commitment to caring for a loved one to the best one can. When demands exceed ability, changes must occur - and help enlisted. The challenge for caregivers is to seek counsel from objective, experienced, and trained individuals to regularly evaluate conditions and possible paths. As we promise to care, let us also commit to caring well. "We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." - Dolly Parton