The psychology of Gaslighting

The term gaslighting has existed for decades now, but its usage seems to have spiked in recent years. Gaslighting is when someone makes someone else question their sanity, perception, or memories. It seems like people finally realize how serious and manipulative the behaviour is. One of the most nefarious aspects of gaslighting is that it often happens so gradually, the victim doesn't even notice. That's why you need to watch out for these nine warning signs. Blatant Lying One of the clearest warning signs of gaslighting is when someone regularly lies to you. Not just any lies, though, blatantly untrue lies that are easily disproved. When people do this to you, their goal is to get you to doubt your recollections or sense of reality. Focus on Your Insecurities A gas-lighter finds it easier to manipulate their victims when they are already beaten down. If anyone in your life regularly pokes fun or attacks your insecurities, they may be attempting to lower your confidence, so it's easier to manipulate you. Denying Things They Said If anyone in your life routinely denies saying things you know they said, then they are likely gaslighting you. Sometimes, people forget what they said, but it's a warning sign if it happens all the time. It's a huge red stop sign if the person refuses to acknowledge what they said, even when you have the receipts (i.e., a screenshot of a text.) Constant Negativity When someone is constantly negative, it might just be their attitude or dealing with something in their life. If that person is continually trying to get you to feel the same way or urging you to think negatively about every situation, they may be trying to manipulate you. They Always Flip The Blame Have you ever had anyone in your life who flipped the blame every time they did something wrong? Instead of taking responsibility or offering you an explanation, they will try and convince you that you are to blame. If you didn't do X, they wouldn't have done Y. Constantly Correcting Your Recollections If someone in your life is constantly correcting your recollection of events, they may be trying to gaslight you. By chipping away at your recollections, they are laying the foundation for you to doubt all of your memories. Once you start doubting your memories, the gas-lighter gains control. They Call You "Crazy" This is one of the most classic warning signs of gaslighting. You have likely heard the term described as "someone trying to make you feel crazy" First off, crazy shouldn't be casually tossed around as an insult, period. Secondly, gas-lighter gains so much control if they can get you to doubt your sanity. They Trivialize Your Feelings If someone is attempting (or actively) gaslighting you, they will always trivialize your feelings. To them, no matter how you feel, you should "suck it up." Your feelings aren't real, and you should control them. They will always make sure their feelings take precedence over yours. Want to Keep You Isolated A gas-lighter will typically want to keep you isolated. They will do this by actively trying to turn you against friends or family. They may also make you feel guilty about not spending all your time with them. It is much easier to control and manipulate someone if they feel like they have no one else to turn to.