The Psychology of Narcissists (and Why They Thrive in Power)

What if the most dangerous relationships don’t look dangerous at first?In this episode of FEM, MD, Dr. Lauren Umstattd sits down with psychotherapist Vanessa Reiser to unpack the reality of narcissistic abuse—how it starts, why it’s so hard to leave, and why even highly trained professionals aren’t immune.From love bombing and future faking to gaslighting and trauma bonding, this conversation breaks down the patterns that keep people stuck—and the subtle warning signs most of us miss. Vanessa also shares her own story of escaping an abusive relationship and spending years navigating a system that often fails victims.They explore:The difference between narcissistic traits vs. narcissistic personality disorderWhy some “dark traits” can actually fuel professional successThe cycle of abuse—and why it feels addictiveRed flags in dating that are often dismissed as “personality quirks”Why autonomy—not avoidance—is the real protectionHow to support a friend without pushing them further inThis is not just about relationships. It’s about power, identity, and the uncomfortable truth that not everyone is wired the same way.If you’ve ever felt confused, drained, or like you’re losing yourself in a relationship—this episode will help you name it.And once you can name it, you can start to leave it.Host: Dr. Lauren UmstattdConnect with Lauren: @lauren_umstattd_mdGuest: Vanessa Reiser, LCSWConnect with Vanessa: @vanessareiserlcswhttps://morewithbrookemartin.com/Narcissistic Abuse: A Therapist’s Guide to Identifying, Escaping, and Healing from Toxic and Manipulative People: https://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Abuse-Therapists-Identifying-Manipulative/dp/0306833174Presented by: ‪@HippocraticCollective‬Vanessa Reiser is a mother, author, entrepreneur, 2X Ironman and psychotherapist licensed in New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, and Florida, specializing in narcissistic and cult abuse. She is also the founder of Tell a Therapist, LLC and is best known for her run across the state of New York (285 miles in 11 days) in a wedding dress to raise awareness for narcissistic abuse. She also subsequently ran across NJ, CT, MA & RI with plans to traverse Maryland June 5, 2026. Her insights are both personal and professional, giving her a unique lens into this insidious form of domestic abuse. She recently published "Narcissistic Abuse: A Therapist's Guide to Identifying, Escaping, and Healing from Toxic and Manipulative People," available at Hachettebookgroup.comVanessa holds a bachelor’s degree in political science and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Southern California with a focus on community organizing. Vanessa is also a social media influencer, sharing life-changing information that is educational and validating to those impacted by narcissistic abuse. Vanessa has been interviewed by prestigious news and media outlets like People Magazine, The New York Times, Fox News, MSN, and The New York Post.