The Question She Wasn't Expecting | Tina Yarger on Grief That Goes Underground and the Training Room That Brought It Back

Tina Yarger was 18 years old when she lost her father. Before that grief had anywhere to settle, she lost a childhood friend. And then she lost her mother too. She was the oldest. Everyone needed her to be okay. So she held it together, functioned, achieved, built a life. And for ten years, the grief went underground and stayed there. It didn't surface in a therapy room or a quiet moment of reflection. It surfaced in a training room during her clinical counselling internship, in a question about her mother that she expected to answer easily. And the pause that followed changed everything. In this conversation Tina talks about what grief looks like when it has nowhere to go, the ten years of living a double life on the surface, the anger she wasn't allowed to feel, and why grief can't be healed but does get quieter. Tina Yarger is a licensed professional counsellor, a pastor and an author. She has now built her entire life around helping others with exactly what she carried alone for a decade. This episode is for anyone who has ever kept functioning when falling apart would have been the more honest thing to do. TIMESTAMPS 00:00  Opening - what happens to grief when life doesn't give it any room 01:18  Welcome to Tina Yarger 01:38  Who Tina was before the losses - the seemingly perfect childhood 03:12  What was underneath the seeming 04:21  Her dad - who he was to her 05:44  Losing her father at 18 - the first few hours 07:01  Delivering the news to her younger brothers 07:57  A childhood friend lost in the same period 09:18  Losing her mother - grief on top of grief on top of grief 11:38  Why she couldn't deal with the emotions at the time 12:35  What paused grief actually looked like day to day 13:54  The weight of being the oldest and holding it together 14:28  What the drinking and parties were doing for her emotionally 15:44  What paused grief feels like from the inside 17:39  Ten years of functioning while empty 18:12  When the grief finally surfaced 19:00  The training room - the question she wasn't expecting 21:00  Looking at the story with honour and honesty 22:29  The anger she never allowed herself to feel 24:07  Grieving what was never there, not just what was lost 25:16  Walking out of the training room - what changed 26:02  Becoming a therapist, pastor and author 31:59  What she wishes someone had told the 18-year-old version of her 34:04  Grief can't be healed - but the frequency decreases 35:04  For the woman still functioning on the surface 36:09  The unspoken emotion - anger 37:21  If the 18-year-old Tina could see who she is now 38:17  Rachel's closing HELPLINES  |   UK - Cruse Bereavement Support: 0808 808 1677 or cruse.org.uk UK - Samaritans: 116 123 US - GriefShare: griefshare.org US - 988 Lifeline: call or text 988 My Free Guide:  https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide CONNECT WITH THE GUEST Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1BaE5MLdMn/?mibextid=wwXIfr Tiktok: Tina Yarger | GUIDED BY GRACE (@tinayarger) | TikTok  Book:  Roots That Remain: Life After Grief: Yarger, Tina: 9798245490441: Amazon.com: Books     Email: [email protected] To connect with your host, follow Me HERE:  Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email: ⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠ Facebook:⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠⁠   To Buy Rachel a Coffee:⁠ ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠⁠  LinkedIn:⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠⁠  HOST BIO   Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.