The Sadness of Women Who Still Vote Republican and Support Donald Trump

None of this makes sense.I think I’ve been misled somewhere.Growing up, I learned from the men and women around me what it meant to be a gentleman; how decent, good-hearted, honorable young men lived in the world, the way they treated other human beings, how they carried and conducted themselves.And from as early as I can remember, I was taught that women deserved to be treated by such men of character, with respect and compassion, as equals. I grew-up believing that in matters of intelligence, creativity, vision, leadership, and value, women were fully my peers and that I should learn from them and listen to them. I learned what consent was and why I never had the right to decide for another woman what she wanted or approved of. I learned that real men showed restraint and self-control. I was taught that a woman’s body belonged to her alone.Implied in all of this, was the idea that not only was this the right way to treat the women I loved or met or knew from a distance—but it would be the way women would want to be treated; that they would appreciate being seen in this highest regard. This made sense to me: that every woman would treasure and demand being treated with dignity and would not abide anything less.I must have been grossly misinformed somewhere along the way because I've met many women lately who I just can't seem to make sense of: women who adore and applaud and worship a court-established rapist in Donald Trump, women who somehow, with all they’ve lost because of them—still vote Republican.With every horrible thing Trump has said about women, with his boasts of uninvited physicality, his history of unrepentant infidelity, his multiple marriages with ever-younger wives.With his relentless vile and vicious attacks on the physical appearance, sexual lives, and even the menstrual cycles of female political opponents and critics, Donald Trump is the very definition of the kind of man I was taught that women would want no part of—let alone brag about and defend on social media. More unthinkable still, that they would joyfully give power over themselves and their daughters and granddaughters to such a man.As the GOP crusades openly and unrelentingly against the rights of women to determine their fates and decide what happens within their bodies, they inexplicably have these women as willing allies. This is a confounding and tragic reality.I look at these women and I wonder what it is that they think as they champion a serial predator and unrepentant misogynist like this man and align with his antiquated movement of subjugation. I try to imagine the story that they tell themselves about it all, about their own worth, and I wonder how they connect all the dots.Maybe it's some toxic cocktail of lingering blind hatred for Hillary Clinton, lifetime Fox News indoctrination, subconscious white supremacy, internalized misogyny created by sexist theology, deeply embedded self-loathing, and real-time Stockholm Syndrome—but still, I just can't seem to make any sense of it.That a party with such seeming disregard for women would be co-signed by other such men isn't at all surprising. I expect knuckle-dragging, towel-snapping cavemen to want men like them making the laws and protecting their interests. That kind of self-preservation of a species, as pathetic as it is, still makes some kind of sense.What I simply can't fathom are women who affirm and celebrate something so seemingly antithetical to their well-being, something that, with every word and every bit of evidence, declares that they are of little value. That affirmation feels like an act of self-harm, a conspiring in their own silencing and minimization.As a man, I'm not at all qualified to answer these questions and so I'll rely on the wisdom of the women these words will reach and lean into their responses—especially those who have complete peace about defending Trump and the GOP, who believe they are for them, those who are okay with their daughters living in the world they are making here: a world where their uteruses, their healthcare, and perhaps one day again their votes are not their own.All I can say is that as a man looking on at it all, a man with a mother and a sister and wife and a daughter, all of whom I adore, a man who thought he understood what decency looked like and was cherished, I simply don't get it. The Beautiful Mess by John Pavlovitz is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnpavlovitz.substack.com/subscribe