THE SECRET RELATIONSHIP: Surviving Abuse When He Denies You Ever Existed

What happens when the person who hurt you most insists you were never even together? When survivors come forward with stories of hidden relationships and abuse, they’re often met with disbelief—especially when the abuser’s public persona is charming, generous, and above reproach. In this episode, Lisa welcomes Davina Durgana, PhD, an award-winning human rights expert and survivor, who bravely shares her story of a secret relationship marked by manipulation, isolation, and escalating abuse. While her abuser maintained a blameless public image, behind closed doors, he was physically and emotionally abusive—using secrecy, coercion, and violence to control every aspect of her life. Davina’s story reveals how abusers weaponize secrecy, insisting on hidden relationships under the guise of “protection,” while privately inflicting harm and publicly denying any connection. When Davina finally broke her silence, her abuser not only denied their relationship and their child, but also launched a smear campaign—using legal threats, false accusations, and manipulative tactics to discredit her and protect his reputation. Lisa and Davina discuss the unique trauma of being erased and gaslit, the emotional toll of fighting for acknowledgment in a world that only sees the abuser’s public mask, and the exhausting legal battles survivors face just to be heard. From seeking restraining orders to defending herself against defamation to seeking child support, Davina’s journey exposes the deep flaws in a system that too often fails to recognize covert abuse and protect those most at risk. This episode is a call for empathy, validation, and accountability. Survivors deserve to be seen, heard, and believed—even when their abuser pretends they never existed and tries to destroy their credibility. Lisa and Davina challenge the culture of silence, urging listeners to stand with survivors and demand justice, both inside and outside the courtroom. “From now on…I will not tolerate behavior that I wouldn’t want my daughter to tolerate.” Just a heads up: This episode contains discussions of grooming, coercive control, and physical abuse. Some may find it upsetting. We encourage you to take care of yourself. About Davina Durgana: Davina Durgana, PhD is an award-winning international human rights statistician who has developed leading global models to assess risk and vulnerability to modern slavery.  Dr. Davina Durgana was a Founding Author of the Global Slavery Index and Contributing Founding Author of the UN’s Global Estimates of Modern Slavery.  She is the Director of Free the Slaves, the oldest anti-trafficking organization in the United States and is currently working on a book on family court reform for domestic violence survivors and their children.  Follow Davina on Instagram @davinadurgana. Follow Lisa Phillips ⁠@iamlisaphillips⁠ on Instagram. From Now On is produced by LA PHILLIPS MEDIA. Listen and follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. Have a story to share with us? Email us at [email protected]. Join our movement and keep up to date on all things From Now On by following us @fromnowonpod on all socials. If today’s conversation resonated with you and you are seeking more support in your own healing journey, here are some resources below: If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is available. Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) If you or someone you know is being trafficked, contact the National Human Trafficking Hotline. Text 233733 (befree). PAVE is a 501(c)(3) non-profit creating a world free from sexual violence and building communities to support survivors. Speak Out, Act, Reclaim (SOAR) is dedicated to providing a safe and empowering space for survivors of sex trafficking to reclaim their stories and stand up for themselves and each other.