The Secretarial Job That Taught Me Everything About Personal Power

Dearest Sovereigns:I have been sharing particularly vulnerable stories about my past, so you can relate and know me. And remember that whatever you thought was the “worst” actually becomes your greatest asset.The Good Girl’s DilemmaBy the time I reached college, I’d perfected the art of being what everyone else needed me to be. I was the daughter who never caused trouble, the student who followed all the rules, the friend who kept everyone’s secrets. I was so good at adapting to others’ expectations that I’d never learned to have my own.So when it came time to choose a college major—the first real decision that was supposed to be “mine”—I panicked.When You Don’t Know What You WantI remember sitting in my advisor’s office, staring at the course catalog like it was written in a foreign language. “What interests you?” she asked, and I felt my chest tighten with familiar anxiety.What interests me? The question felt revolutionary and terrifying. I’d spent eighteen years learning what interested my teachers, my parents, my friends. But me? I honestly didn’t know.So I did what I always did: I chose what seemed safe and logical. My mother was a clinical psychologist—I loved hearing how she helped people see them selves for the first time. I was an avid reader and writer, so English seemed like a natural fit. Psychology major, English minor. Done.The Path of Least ResistanceCollege passed in a blur of good grades and careful choices. I studied hard, pleased my professors, graduated with honors. Everyone was proud of me. I was the success story—the girl who had it all figured out.Except I didn’t figure anything out. I just got better at following the prescribed path.When Reality HitsAfter I married my college sweetheart, it was time to find a job. Reality hit hard, as I learned the first week of job hunting that my beautiful liberal arts degree didn’t translate into career opportunities. In 1980, with a psychology degree and no clear direction, my options felt limited.After weeks of job searching, I finally accepted what felt like the ultimate defeat: a secretarial position at the local bank.I remember crying in my car in the parking lot on my first day, feeling like I’d failed at life before it had even begun.The Failure That Wasn’tThat first week, I kept my head down and tried to do the job without drawing attention to myself. Answer phones, file documents, type letters—basic tasks that felt worlds away from the meaningful work I’d vaguely imagined doing with my college degree. The myth that a college degree “guarantees you a good job” was exposed.But my boss, John, noticed something I couldn’t see in myself.The Mentor Who Saw Through the MaskJohn was in his mid-forties, had worked his way up from loan officer to head of a department. He had an uncanny ability to see potential where others saw limitation. After watching me for a few weeks, he called me into his office.“You’re smart,” he said simply. “But you act like you’re apologizing for taking up space. Why is that?”The question caught me off guard. No one had ever asked me why I made myself small—they’d just praised me for being “easy to work with.”The Gradual AwakeningWhat John did next changed everything. Instead of just giving me more filing to do, he started asking for my opinion. When customer complaints came in, he’d ask me what I thought the underlying issue was. When new policies were being implemented, he’d want to know how I thought the staff would respond.At first, I’d stammer and say, “I don’t know, whatever you think is best.” But John wouldn’t let me off the hook.“I’m not asking what I think,” he’d say. “I’m asking what you think.”Learning to Think for MyselfSlowly, tentatively, I began to offer my perspectives. And something amazing happened—my insights were good. Really good. I could see patterns in customer behavior that others missed. I could spot potential problems before they became crises. I had ideas for improving processes.For the first time in my life, someone was actively cultivating my thinking rather than just rewarding my compliance.The Project That Changed EverythingSix months into the job, John gave me my first real project: analyzing why customer satisfaction scores had dropped in one particular department. Instead of telling me how to do it, he simply said, “Figure it out and come back to me with recommendations.”I was terrified and exhilarated.For two weeks, I interviewed customers, observed interactions, reviewed complaint patterns. I created charts and graphs. I developed a presentation with specific recommendations for improvement.When I presented my findings to John, my voice shook with nervousness. But my research was thorough, my insights were valuable, and my recommendations were implemented.The Voice That Had Been WaitingThat presentation was a turning point. Not because of the recognition I received, but because of what I felt inside myself. For the first time, I experienced the power of my own mind, the value of my own perspective, the strength of my own voice.I wasn’t just responding to others’ expectations anymore. I was thinking, analyzing, creating, contributing.The Ripple Effect of ConfidenceAs my confidence grew at work, it began showing up everywhere else. I started expressing my preferences in my marriage instead of always deferring to my husband’s choices. I began participating more actively in conversations with friends rather than just listening and agreeing.I even started a small ghost-writing side business, helping solo entrepreneurs market their business. I never would have imagined myself capable of being the voice for others.What John Taught Me About Personal PowerYears later, I realized what John had given me wasn’t just professional development, it was an education in my own personal power. He showed me that having a voice wasn’t about being loud or aggressive. It was about trusting that my thoughts, observations, and insights had value.He taught me that confidence isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you build by taking action despite fear, by offering your truth even when your voice shakes, by claiming space for your ideas even when they differ from others.The Greatest LessonThe most profound thing I learned from that “failure” of a secretarial job was this: your path to power rarely looks like what you expected. Sometimes the detour that feels like defeat is actually the exact experience you need to discover who you really are.I’d spent my whole life trying to figure out what I was “supposed” to do, when what I needed was to discover what I was capable of.The Questions That Changed My LifeJohn’s approach taught me to ask different questions:Instead of “What do others expect me to think?” he taught me to ask “What do I actually think?”Instead of “How can I avoid making waves?” he taught me to ask “How can I contribute meaningfully?”Instead of “Am I doing this right?” he taught me to ask “What insight am I bringing to this?”For the Good Girls Who Don’t Know What They WantIf you’re reading this and you recognize yourself—if you’ve spent so long being what others needed that you’ve lost touch with what you want, I want you to know something:Your voice is waiting. Your insights matter. Your perspective has value.You don’t need to have it all figured out to start contributing meaningfully. You just need to be willing to trust that your thoughts and observations are worth sharing.The Unexpected Path to PowerSometimes the job you think you’re “too good for” is exactly where you’ll discover how good you actually are. The path that looks like failure is the one that leads to your greatest strengths.Your next opportunity to find your voice might not look like what you expect. It might come disguised as something humble, ordinary, or beneath your education level.But if you show up fully, and you bring your whole mind and heart to whatever is in front of you, you might discover capabilities you never knew you had.The Truth About Becoming PowerfulReal power isn’t given to you by a diploma or a title. It’s claimed through the daily practice of trusting your own thinking, valuing your own perspective, and having the courage to contribute your unique insights to the world.Sometimes it takes a mentor to see what you can’t see in yourself. But ultimately, the voice you’re looking for has been inside you all along.It’s just been waiting for permission to speak.Why this matters to youI shared this story because I know how isolating it can feel to be the “good girl” who has no idea what she actually wants. To be smart and capable yet somehow invisible to yourself. To wonder if you’ll ever find the courage to speak up, trust yourself, or claim your own power.If any part of this resonated with you, would you consider sharing it?Please share with the woman in your life, (maybe a friend, a sister, a colleague), who needs to know she’s not alone. She needs permission to stop apologizing for taking up space. And she’s waiting for a sign that finding her voice is possible. Your share might be exactly what she needs to hear today.Ready to Find Your Voice?I created “How to Become a Sovereign Woman” for every woman who’s tired of being the accommodating one. For those ready to trust their own thinking, value their own insights, and stop waiting for permission to be powerful.This isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you’ve always been beneath the conditioning. Discover what’s waiting on the other side of silence.To your sovereignty,KathrynThe Sovereign Voice on Empowered Way is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit empoweredway.substack.com